


Coming Home

by clairesmh



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coach Scott, Dancer Tessa, Eventual Smut, F/M, Injury, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-29 08:35:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clairesmh/pseuds/clairesmh
Summary: 2014 was supposed to be the year of their lives; defending their title in Sochi had been their goal for the four years after Vancouver. But a couple of months before the Olympics, Tessa injured herself during training and they never made to Sochi.Their relationship didn't survive the struggles and the heaviness of that event and soon after, they broke any bond they had.Until Tessa went back to Ilderton four years after she left, willing to help Coach Scott with his ice dance team.





	1. Hello Scott

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All my knowledge of Figure Skating and eventual medical stuff came from Google and from being a fan of the sport, I'm sorry for any mistakes, if anyone wants to give me an input about it, please do! I'd love your help!

The accords of "Come what may" started softly, playing in full power through the speakers. Tessa listened to every change in the song and played the choreography in her head before it even started. Her eyes were closed and the concentration was absolute.

 _Never knew I could feel this way_. The first verse came and Tessa opened her eyes to see the crew in front of her. Her Justine and Christian were already in the centre of the stage, his hands framing her face while he sang the words to her and her finger clutching his wrists like her life depended on it.

She sat in the front row, taking her distance to watch it all from a bigger perspective. The compass played in her head and she detected every minor mistake they made, almost writing a file in her head to go over it with them later. It was a beautiful and emotional piece, and they were great together, superb actually, and her job was to make sure their dance was just as good. Besides, that choreography was her baby, she had worked her ass off to create it.

When the rehearsal was done, she had a list of notes in her brain. She rose from her seat and walked to the edge of the stage. "That was very good guys, take 15 and I'll go over some points with you.”

They all nodded and exited quickly.

Tessa was focussed on taking some notes on a notepad she carried with her when she was interrupted.

"Excuse me." She heard an unknown voice by her side.

"Yes?" Tessa had to look up to try to find out from who it came. A pretty woman stood there, her blond hair was up in a neat ponytail and she dressed in jeans and a black sweater. Her face was not altogether unknown, but she couldn't point from where she knew her.

"Hi, I'm so sorry to disturb, the production said you were on a break and I wondered if I could speak with you shortly?"

"Sure, I still have some minutes, could we go to the cafe outside to talk? I could really use some caffeine.”

"Works for me."

"Great." She rose to her feet and the woman started to walk with her before sticking her hand out to introduce herself.

"I'm Sara Anderson, it's a real pleasure to meet you in person."

"Thanks." Tessa shook her hand briefly.

They walked side by side to a cafeteria in the premises of the theatre and sat down, each had a mug of coffee in hand.

"How could I help you?"

"I work at Ilderton Skating Centre."

"Oh." The recognition hit her, she was Scott's colleague. "I'm sorry I didn't associate you with Ilderton at first, it's been a while for me."

"I understand," Sara gave her a knowing smile. She looked like she knew a lot more than it showed. "I was a big fan of you and Scott back in the day, it has been an incredible experience to work with him."

There was a different note in her voice when she said Scott's name, a mix of admiration and affection that instantly made something revolve inside Tessa.

"How is Scott?" His name rolled out of her lips with incredible ease for someone who hadn't said it in a while, hopefully, Sara didn't notice how it made goosebumps run over her body. She was not oblivious to the ice skating world, on the contrary, she kept a close eye on it. "He had an awful season, didn't he?"

"Mel and Greg had some rough time." She nodded. "He had a lot of expectations for them."

Tessa leaned back on her chair, considering her words carefully. "Technically they are really sharp but they always lose points in artistic criteria.” Tessa paused, looking right  into the other woman's eyes, “and you want me to work with them to strengthen it up."

It was not a question, but a statement.

"Yes." She leaned forward. "I need someone to get through them. And their coach. No one I asked to work with them can deal with his temper."

"I can't do it," she said simply, her voice as flat and emotionless as she had learned to reproduce during the many years of media training, but she meant every word.

"He's in a pretty bad place, Tessa. I don't know if I have the right to ask you this, but as a colleague and a friend of Scott, I am asking you to consider it. He's obsessed with it and can't see a palm in front of him."

"I'm sorry, Sara, I'd help if I could, but I'm not the one for this job."

The way she talked, the seriousness of her voice and her body language said it all, no argument would make her change her mind.

"That's ok," Sara said finally "I had to try".

 

* * *

 

She entered her home that night carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. The rehearsal was good, they were able to correct what was off and make some significative improvement. But her conversation with Sara had been spun around in her head all day.

It was somehow good to see a face that transported her to the skating world, even when it meant she had to get out of her bubble and access some painful scars.

Tessa took her shoes off in the hall and walked straight to the sofa. When she got her phone, many notifications had popped up on her screen. She saw a handful of emails to reply and focused on that for a bit until she was pulled to the never-ending spiral of twitter and the figure skating tag.

Being away from competitive ice didn't mean it was out of her life. It was part of her, like a vital limb she lost and still itched.

She had read some official reports from CBC and ISU about Scott skaters' performance in the past season and some duos were very good, others, not so much. Melanie and Gregory was a set of names she tended to keep an eye on. They were so good! Those two had amazing technique and chemistry but they always missed something.

She was gutted when they lost sync during their final set of twizzles in the Free Dance program at one Grand Prix and she cheered when they got it right in the next competition. They were always in the top five, and they got to the third place a couple of times. But they were meant to be first.

The first interview that appeared on her timeline had Scott's face in the first plane. He looked really pissed as if he was the one who screwed the entire program and she was sure that was how he felt. She noted some subtle changes in his appearance, but other than the long hair and broader shoulders, he was just like the little boy she was paired with in her childhood. And as such, he was never really good at hiding his emotions.

Tessa saw him taking a deep breath while he listened to the journalist's question and kept his eyes on a point beyond the camera. They asked him what was his opinion about Melanie and Greg's performance basically, and he gave the long known answer: we are working to make it better.

It pained her to see him beating himself that way and she just wanted to shake him alive and tell him to react because lately, every time she saw an interview or a picture of him, his eyes seemed to lack that fire and passion. He looked just tired.

The video was interrupted when a text came through and she felt like she had been caught doing something dirty. Tessa quickly typed an answer and rose to her feet, she was late and had about thirty minutes to get ready for her dinner.

She left her phone on the sofa and went to the suite to take a shower and pick her outfit. Going to a fancy restaurant was not really the best plan after that day, she would be content with a very greasy pepperoni pizza and a bottle of wine from her fridge. But by 8:30 sharp she was ready and waiting by her building's door.

Tessa went for an all-black outfit, with a dress she had used too many times and a pair of trusty pumps matching. They were too high for a night out dancing, but ideal for a fancy dinner where she would be sitting all the time. Her hair had been meticulously brushed until the dark waves fell into the perfect place. Sometimes she missed having her hair longer, almost hitting her waistline, but it was just more practical to maintain it just below her shoulder.

Her date was probably on his way, so she fished in her purse the jewellery, putting the earrings first, then the ring on her right hand. She didn't wear her engagement ring all the time, it was a size too big for her and she had told him she was afraid of losing it. But whenever they were together, she made an effort.

When he parked in front of her building, she got into his car and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi, love. Sorry for being late,” the handsome blond man replied. He was wearing a dark grey suit and a white shirt with no tie, very elegant and appropriate as always.

"That's fine." She smiled sincerely. "I was running a bit late myself."

"Rough day at work?"

"A productive one, I could wrap things up on my end to the opening night."

"That's great! I can't wait to see it."

Luc was a kind man and always gave her the security she needed. They were together for 2 years now and engaged for barely 3 months. They were still discussing dates and everything, but she was not in a hurry to get married. She had too much on her plate right now. The musical would be on the theatre for almost 2 months and she had to focus on that before she could launch herself into another project.

They came from different worlds, Luc was a businessman and Tessa was an artist, but they found a common ground in their affection for each other.

At the restaurant, Tessa was still a bit distracted by events of the day but made a conscious effort to pay attention to what he was telling her about his day, still, she wandered off a bit from time to time.

"You're a bit distracted tonight, Tess." He covered her hand with his, purposely touching the ring she had on.

"Just tired I think." She took another sip of her wine, Tessa was already on her third glass that night and she couldn't care less.

"How is your schedule tomorrow? We could have lunch and take your ring to resize, they have to take the measurements."

"I have to be in the studio by 12:30, can we have brunch and do it before I have to go?"

"Works for me."

She gave him the best smile she could put on, turning her palm up to interlace her fingers with his. The said ring feeling too heavy and too cold pressed against her skin.

 

* * *

 

The always restless night was punctuated by a series of memories and thoughts about the many years she shared with Scott. It was like she had opened a pandora box she couldn't shut it.

She saw his face and the empty look on his eyes every time she tried to close her eyes and drift to sleep, she heard the words they said to each other, the promises they made of never leaving each other, no matter what.

Tessa lied earlier. She knew she could help them, it was exactly what she did for a living, to create movements that spoke more than words and choreographs that told a story.

She looked at the bedside clock and saw the _3 a.m_. flashing on the screen. Tessa reached for her phone and typed in the ice skating team's name, most of the links were already highlighted as seen, but on the news tab there was an article about the promising young skaters that were going to attend a Development Camp in Vancouver that week. The next day would be the last day.

Before the sunrise, she was up and ready. The rehearsal would start after midday so she had enough time. Tessa drove to the arena and got in discreetly, she chose a seat in the back, away from all the light and the possibilities of recognition. She was old news in the Figure Skating Universe, but often people stopped her and asked for pictures and autographs and gushed about how amazing she was and how sad was the end of her career.

Tessa had a bittersweet feeling going on, she loved it, being in the arena and seeing the passion of emanating from the training athletes and the enthusiasts who always were present. But sometimes she didn't want to be a part of the crowd. She longed to be on the ice.

For recreational purposes, she attempted a choreography occasionally, but nothing compared to the feeling she once had.

When the coach started speaking, she couldn't take her eyes off the skaters. A handful of familiar faces, including some she competed with, were in the first part of the course. The second part was dedicated to giving each team an input on their programs. She watched with amazed eyes the beautiful choreographs, embarking on a trip down to memory lane at a point in each couple's presentation. The programs were full of personality, fun and lots of acrobatics. But when it was Melanie and Greg time, she forgot to breathe.

The expectation had grown on her, she had never seen them live. Their skate was really clean and they had an amazing series of movements, the lifts were high level but the lack of emotion to a song that powerful bothered her. By the second minute of their free program, she could picture the movements, the hand placement and how she could transform that burning look they exchanged without any effort into a beautiful love story.

She hated how much she felt the need to do it, to see _them_ doing the best they could.

Melanie was a beautiful young woman, her body was just like the ballerinas' she had taught over the years, the short pixie hair suited her and the brown colour of her hair made the too fair skin look even paler. On the other side, Greg was not just her partner, he was an excellent skater. He was about 3 inches taller than her, but his body fitted to hers just like a glove. The broad shoulders and large hands would always support her, Tessa had no doubts about it. They had something strong going on, there was fire, passion, and focus in the way they skated and held to each other, it was impossible to not feel herself succumbing to it.

She didn't notice her phone vibrating in her purse with many missed calls and notifications of unread texts from Luc asking where she was. And she didn't realise her cheeks were wet from the fat tears she kept for too long.

From a distance, Sara looked up when her skaters were finished and saw Tessa. She wanted to be surprised to see her, but in truth, she was not. Tessa Virtue had her eyes glued to the young pair, her hands clasped in in a firm grip on her lap and tears streaming freely down her face. Somehow Sara could tell a woman like her wouldn't cry openly in public if she could help it.

She felt her heart squeeze for a second before her brain told she had accomplished what she was supposed to. And when Mel and Greg skated in her direction, her attention shifted. She handed them their blade guards and said, "well done guys, you were great."

 

* * *

 

Scott was having an awful week.

One of his skaters had dislocated his shoulder 3 weeks before their first local competition of the season and it meant he couldn't really go over all the training until the week before. They were still doing the choreography part and everything that didn't involve lifts between a session of physiotherapy and another.

It was summer and instead of hitting the gym, he went for a run on the street. The frustration had surpassed the adrenaline sometime in the first mile and the number of things on his mind were driving him crazy. He just couldn't shut it out.

He was a damn good coach, but things were not working lately. He had a strong vision of what he wanted for these pairs, the things he saw in their future were huge and he wanted them to conquer it all. To do that, it was his job to give them the best program they had ever skated.

His family was concerned about how obsessed he had been with work, but they didn't need to know everything and when they started nagging too much, he would just avoid family gatherings and turn off his phone - he was never good at texting and returning calls anyway.

Scott picked up his pace and forced his body to the limits. At 31, he was not a young boy anymore, but his body beneficiated from many years of training as a professional athlete. He kept his physique; the taut abs and large biceps peaking through the sweaty white shirt were results of strict gym routine.

It helped to keep himself focussed and his awful temper at a bay since it was not uncommon to find him at the end of the day in the training facilities, throwing some punches at a sandbag.

When Scott got home, he threw his clothes anywhere on the floor and marched to the shower. The first cold jet was a remedy to his burning muscles. He would be sore and his head was starting to ache. He was a huge mess.

He got to the rink at the usual time - too early for anyone else. But strangely enough, the lights were on, there was a song going through the speakers and people on the ice. He recognised Mel and Greg from the way they skated and he could see Sara, his coaching colleague, circling around them. He wasn't aware they had a training session at his hour with her.

Scott went to say 'hi' before putting his skates on and that's when he was the third woman skating around the rink. There were grace and elegance to the long lines her body produced even with simple glides through the ice.

His heart literally stopped and he felt that awkward jolt of electricity through his skin, forcing his body to stop on the step. His eyes were drawn to her feet, the white, worn out skates touching the ice. He found it hard to breathe all of sudden, shocked by what his eyes witnessed. 

She must have sensed his presence because she suddenly stopped and turned to him. Those beautiful green eyes were full of recognition.

"Tessa,” he whispered the name that hadn't crossed his lips for years.

She took her time exiting the ice and putting her blade guards on before she walked to him with a polite smile on her face "Hello, Scott."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been playing with this idea for a couple of weeks now and it became my new baby. This will be a long fic and there'll be some angst but I promise a happy ending. Also, the following chapter will be more explanatory.
> 
> Please, let me know what you think of it and thanks for reading!
> 
> twitter: claire_smh


	2. Free falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All my knowledge of Figure Skating and eventual medical stuff came from Google and from being a fan of the sport, so I'm sorry for any inconsistencies
> 
> And, brace yourselves, the angst is coming.

_Canton, MI, 2013_

While the city was living in a countdown to Christmas, Tessa and Scott knew they wouldn't go home that year. They were on a strict training schedule with just one goal in mind: Sochi. They had never been so close to the event that moved them for almost four years.

The Olympics were just around the corner and they wouldn't lose the pace now.

They got exactly 36 hours of rest when they got to Canton before going into training with the dead weight of a second place in the Grand Prix Final. Being in second was never an option.

The pair was in the gym by 5 a.m., each of them doing their own training in silence. They moved in sync because it was the nature of their relationship; when Scott finished his series on one equipment, so did Tessa and they would exchange exercises, passing each other halfway to the other machine. The silence, the focus and the worries plaguing them was a consequence of how much they were serious about their commitment, not only to their goal but to each other.

Being together for 17 years was something both of them treasured.

Since day one, a bond of admiration, trust, and respect was naturally crafted by the everyday interactions and the challenges they faced together. Always together.

They shared big dreams and at a certain point, they started believing they were capable of doing whatever they put their minds on to. After standing on top of the podium in Vancouver, though, the weight of the Olympic gold medal around their necks while they watched the Canadian flag rise, made them unstoppable.

On that day, Meryl and Charlie left earlier to do some off-ice training and they had the rink all to themselves. It was not uncommon for them to train on their own recently. Their coach Marina Zueva, was nowhere near, and more often them they liked to admit, she would leave them in favour to the other team.

Believing in her work and her etic was what made them chose her again for another four-year journey. But things were getting a bit awkward lately. It felt like she was betting on Meryl and Charlie in this final stage of their training and it made them want to work harder and do it on their own. It was an unspoken understanding they had.

Tessa didn't need to ask Scott if he wanted to go over their free dance another time when she skated to the portable sound system to play their music once more, he was already in the centre of the rink waiting for her.

Truth to be told, she was exhausted. She felt the beginning of a cramp several times during the day and her muscles burned from the extra weights she had put on the gym in the morning.

But it was her emotional state that was making her lose focus. The second place thing this close to the finish line had made her doubt it all because she felt like they never skated better than during the GPF and still it wasn't enough. What more she could give? She had nothing.

They exchanged very few words during the entire day, both too busy dealing with their own fears.

Above everything, failing one another was never an option.

When Tessa looked at Scott, drinking from his fierce determination, he held her hands, squeezing it gently. He knew she was tense and winked at her playfully before he shifted his expression, getting into the character. They looked to the sidelines, imagining that soon they would be in the arena, being watched by an enthusiastic audience and The Season started playing.

They took a couple of steps together before his hands came in contact with her small waist and, in a smooth move, she slipped through his body, bracing herself with an arm around him while he conducted them on a spin.

The key to this program was romance. Different from Carmen, in which there were raw passion and a lot of push and pull in the narrative, this time their characters depended on each other. It showed in the way Scott's hands never ceased to touch her face or how her arms circled around his body like it was her anchor. He kissed her hand softly and they waltzed together before a full turn. Scott thought how gracious Tessa was gliding through the ice and how she poured her heart into every movement, even in the smallest hand gesture.

The transition in the music was so natural, just like they rehearsed many times on and off the ice.

At a certain point she had wandered off and was working in autopilot, but when the first combination of twizzles approached, Tessa had to work harder to keep up with him and execute the movement in sync.

It happened all too quickly. In between the first and the second set of twizzles, she felt a strange pull on her knee and heard a pop sound before the pain. Scott, his mind and body in sync with hers, noticed when she lost her balance and fell. He expected her to get up and keep the routine, but she didn't.

"Scott." A wide-eyed Tessa said in a tone that instantly made him stop and drop to his knees in front of her.

"What's wrong?"

"My knee." She felt pain, a lot of pain. "It hurts too much."

"Come here." He rose first and picked her up, one arm carefully under her knees and another around her back. She clung to her partner in a strong grip and hide her face in the crock of his neck feeling suddenly dizzy.

 _Oh shit_ , he thought, but gently said to her,"don't worry, it's probably nothing."

He sat her sideways on a bench and carefully lifted her calves to lay her leg flat.

"I'm gonna grab you an ice pack and call Marina, ok?" She nodded and he kissed her hair, "I'll be right back"

She looked at her knee paralyzed, there was no sign of swelling but the pain was very real. The skin was hot to her gentle touch and it could mean an inflammation or something like it. A million of disturbing possibilities crossed her mind while she had been waiting for Scott.

"Marina told me to take you to the clinic, she'll meet us there, and to keep you off of your feet just in case."

"Ok," she answered in a small voice.

Scott got himself to her eye level and gathered both her hands in his, "I'm sure it's just something a couple days of rest will solve. We are going to be fine." He kissed the back of both her hands and she closed her eyes for a second, holding onto his words.

 

* * *

 

Scott never thought that 2 months before the Olympics, he would be in that sterile room in a clinic with Tessa sitting on an examination table. She had been poked in several parts of her body and went through a battery of physical exams.

He was never leaving her side, but one look at the physician when he finished the last exam before excusing himself out of the room, and Scott had to take a step back. The look on his face changed the feeling he had and suddenly he couldn't trust himself anymore.

Before the silence would disturb them again, Marina spoke up. "I'm going to leave for a second to check on things and I'll be right back"

Tessa nodded to her and Marina gave her a smile in sympathy, squeezing her shoulder light before she walked away.

Scott sat in a corner with his elbows propped on his bouncing knees. He couldn't keep still. His eyes were fixated on his shoes because he couldn't look at her, he couldn't watch the pain taking the shine from her eyes and crush her hopes with fear. What a fucking coward he was.

The anger and frustration boiling under his skin made only one question circle around his mind: Why?

This was his life. He poured his heart, body, and soul into it and that's how it would end? Because if she couldn't compete, he was done. Is was the Virtue-Moir team and even if it was possible by the rules of the committee, Scott would never do it without her. He didn't want to have this kind of thoughts, but in this case, the worst scenario was the only thing crossing his mind.

An hour or 10 minutes might have passed with the heavy silence embracing them. Tessa had her look fixed on the small square window in the wall opposite to the one Scott was sitting against. Her blank expression didn't say a thing and continued to do so when she heard the door opening and the man in the white lab coat get in with a large envelope in his hands.

His name was Dr. Graham, she knew him from her a couple of orthopedic checkups in the past years. By the grey hair on his temples and the deep lines around his eyes, she could tell he was in his sixties and because of the known and friendly face, she felt a little bit better.

"Hello again, Tessa." He pulled a chair by her bed and Scott rose to his feet, dipping his hands into the pockets of his sweats forcefully. He was a huge pile of nerves.

He looked up at the other male in the room and thought again before he asked him to excuse them. There was a link there, a force that was too strong to break even in the tense atmosphere of that room and he thought it was better if the young girl could have something and someone to lean on when they discussed the results of her exams.

Marina circled around the room to stand on the opposite side to Scott on Tessa's bedside, her face was a blank mask but the way her hand clung to the strip of her black purse spoke loud. "Do you have anything to tell us yet?" The heavy Russian accent was full of impatience.

Dr. Graham looked at her briefly, but it was on Tessa that he focussed. "How is the pain?"  
"Still strong, but the medication seems to help. It got more swollen, though."

Her eyes trailed down, from the rim of the training shorts Marina helped her to change into, to the ugly state of her knee. It was a mass of puff skin and redness and in the last half an hour, it started to develop a purple color around the sides. She quickly averted her eyes when she felt the tears burning in her throat.

"I can give you something stronger for tonight. We will have to wait until the inflammation subsides to give you a local injection."

"When can I resume training?" That was all she could think about.

"I'm afraid it won't be possible for some time."

"How much time? I can't stay away longer than a week. God, not even one day..."

"Tess." It was Scott's voice that interrupted her rant. He got closer to her and grabbed her hand. The look he gave her had been was softened with anguish.

"Scott." Tessa looked at him, a pleading in her eyes. Tell me it's going to be ok. "I can't, we have so much to do in just two months."

"We'll figure it out, I promise, just listen to the doctor, ok?"

She shifted her head back to the doctor and asked, "what happened to me?"  
"It looks like you had an ACL rupture."

 _Anterior Cruciate Ligament_ _Rupture_. She knew exactly what it meant. It was not like the Compartment Syndrome, it was not something she could function even outgrowing the severe pain.

"You said you were in the middle of a spin when you felt it, right?" She nodded, the words still revolving in her head. "I see, it makes sense. We still need to do an RMI to figure out the extension of the lesion, but I'll have to ask you to not go back to train until we have it repaired. You could cause permanent damage to your motor functions."

 

* * *

 

After a long chat about how they would proceed in the next couple of days, there were only 3 people in the room. Marina quickly asked Tessa if she wanted company for the night but Tessa shook her head vehemently. "I'll be fine," she said. The only person she could possibly need was the man standing by her side. "Can you take me home now?" It was to Scott that she asked.

"Of course. You should eat, we could get take away on our way to yours."

"Ok." Tessa couldn't even think about food, she was too tired to argue, though.

"I'll call you in the morning to check on you, but if you need anything during the night, ring me."

"Thanks, Marina." Her partner answered before she could. There was no way he was going to let her spend the night on her own.

Marina spoke a few words with her, keeping her voice low, but firm. She needed to toughen up now if she wanted to have any chance to go through it like a pro athlete. Tessa nodded dutifully and she gave the young woman a light squeeze in her arm and a curt nod to Scott on her way out. She had phone calls to make to discuss with their team about how to proceed.

"Ready to go?" She nodded.

He put an arm around her waist and she leaned on him. He knew better than try to carry her out of the clinic, that stubborn girl.

It was too dark when they got in his car again. He didn't put music on like he usually did and Tessa got her cell phone to distract herself during the short journey.

"My mom called twice." She said out loud. They hadn't talked to the family yet.

"Are you going to call her back?"

"I'll just send her a text saying I was in practice and I'm going to bed now. If your mom call, can you not tell her? I can't deal with it tonight."

"I won't." He promised while the typing sound filled the air between them.

 

* * *

 

He got them a chicken soup from a deli close to her flat and they ate on her small single bed. Tessa actually poked around her food didn't more than 3 spoonfuls. She was very quiet but he knew that look in her eyes, if because not the physical pain she felt, her brain wouldn't give her any rest that night.

Marina informed them that the Team Canada's physician would evaluate her in the morning, but until then, the only perspective they had was a very shitty one.

Back in her kitchen, he looked at the red light on the kettle, waiting for it to turn off. His mind was anywhere but there. Scott didn't know what to say to her or how to act around her. He wanted to cradle her in his arms, tell her everything would be ok and make that empty look, vanish from her eyes. For the first time in forever, though, he was not sure they would be ok.

The plan was to do at least one more Olympics and win the gold medal they were worked so hard for.

They had done so much to get to a point where they had real chances to conquer it, especially Tessa with her medical condition right after Vancouver. No one could ever deserve to live this moment again more than her.

The first time she had the surgery to subdue the pain in her shins, he was an awful partner and an even worse friend. They wouldn't talk at all and it caused a serious damage to their partnership, still to that day Scott didn't know how they survived it. This time he needed to grab his shit together for her. It was not a matter of duty, but love and devotion to the woman that was by his side since he was a little boy, the girl who shared his dreams and did everything in her power to be the best partner she could. It was his time to lock away the anger that threatened to overcome his senses and be someone she could rely on.

That kind of love was something worth it, something to be cherished and nurtured.

None of his girlfriends could understand the complex connection they shared and in the end, he had always chosen Tessa and his career over them. At some point, he knew it was not a matter of "if" but when would it happen with his last girlfriend, Cassandra.

When he finally heard the bubbling sound and saw the kettle off, he realized he must have stood there for way longer than it would take him to boil some water and get a bag of camomile tea from the neat cupboards, especially considering Scott probably knew his way around her kitchen more than Tessa herself.

He walked back into her room with a timid smile her eyes were glued to the doorway as if she had been solemnly waiting for him all this time. The bed dipped slightly with his weight when he took a seat beside her. "Chamomile tea and the painkillers."

She took the pills first and then grabbed the mug he handed her. "Thanks," she murmured.

"No problem," Scott bumped his shoulder against hers gently, "what else can I do?"

She was quiet for a minute or two, until she said, "can you stay with me tonight?"

"I was already planning to if you don't mind."

"I don't."

"Consider it done then, I'll take the sofa." He tentatively put an arm around her shoulder, but felt her body go rigid under his touch and gave up, dropping it on her pillows.

He waited until she finished her tea and helped her settle as comfortable as she could be. "I'm gonna leave your door open, call me if you need anything." Scott brushed his knuckles lightly on her cheek and kissed her hair. "Night, T."

When he turned to leave she had her eyes forcefully closed and reached for his hand in blind desperation. "Scott." The faint voice shattered his heart even before he saw the green of her eyes darkened with heavy tears. "Just, I.. hold me, please?"

"Oh, Kiddo." He got on her bed, carefully to not disturb her leg and cause her more pain. She fisted the front of his shirt in a death grip and his arms brought her even closer to his chest. Scott put his chin on the top of her head and felt the tears gradually soak the fabric covering his shoulder. "I promise everything will be ok."

He held her through her meltdown, making a conscious effort to not lose his own shit. The heavy feelings emanating from them made it hard to breathe but his focus was on her. When she fell into a restless sleep, he continued to hold her because he needed it as much as she did. Their tangled bodies occupied only half of her bed and her pained leg laid on the opposite side from Scott.

He was wide awake during that entire night, watching her while he tried to deal with his own demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> I hope you had enjoyed this chapter. I don't know if it was what you expected from this story, but hopefully you like where this is going.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! And for leaving lovely comments, you have no idea so much it made me happy to read your feedback about the first chapter! Please, keep it coming :)
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh .


	3. Collision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst continues...

Scott closed the door behind him with a very calculated force, keeping his closed fist firmly on the doorknob. He took a long deep breath and turned to face the two women in the middle of his office; one looking very apprehensive and another very sure of herself.

Sara was the one fidging the hem of her long shirt and anxiously looking at him. Tessa, on the other hand, was just standing there. Her arms crossed in front of her Adidas red sweatshirt matching with black leggings. Her long brown hair was up in a neat ponytail, and there was a look of defiance in her eyes he could never forget.

"What are you doing here, Tessa?"

"I asked her to come, Scott," Sara answered for Tessa. It was her idea, and Tessa shouldn't get the full hit of angry that was coming."And you didn't think you should warn me about it?" Even though he was talking to Sara, his eyes never left Tessa.

"I-"

"She didn't know I was coming." The woman in question took a small step forward, her voice never failed her. "Yes, she asked me to, but I never told her I was coming today."

Scott breathed a laugh with no humour, his hand went through his hair, and Tessa noticed for a brief moment how long it was, to the point the ends were covering halfway through the back of his neck. "Why did you trouble yourself coming all the way here?" He asked her, his voice rasp with a building angry and pure annoyance.

"Because Sara thinks I can help Melanie and Gregory to be the best they can be."

"And you think you can help them?"

"I do."

"Well, I don't. But thanks for your time."

He made a move to leave the office, and Sara closed the distance between them, putting a hand gently on his forearm.

"Scott," The way Sara talked to Scott, there was a loud level of intimacy and gentleness, and Tessa was stunned for a second when Scott demeanour responded to it slightly before his body went rigid again and he directed the fiery eyes to Sara. She shivered a little but managed to keep herself together. "Tessa, can you excuse us for a second?"

His angry and hostility towards her didn't hurt as much as seeing that. She really could use some air. "I'll be outside," Tessa said.

She stepped out and stayed close to the door. It was rude to eavesdrop, she knew it, but she wouldn't be able to contain the massive ball of anxiety in the pit of her stomach for too long.

"What the hell were you thinking, Sara?" He didn't shout, somehow the anger in a whisper was so much more hurtful.

"Tessa knows ice dancing as few do and she is an exquisite choreographer."

"There're a million of other choreographers, dancer, or whatever she does now, to help them. I won't work with her. We already discussed that." Scott fisted his hair and turned his back to her. He needed to focus before he would implode.

"I'm the one responsible for the choreography, and after months trying everything I could to improve their game, Tessa is the only option I have left, and it's a damn good one. I will work with her, Scott."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because both Mel and Greg, and their coach, need it."

From outside, Tessa could not see the traces of pleading before the burst of heat in Scott's face when he looked back at Sara.

"I know what I need, I there's nothing to do with Tessa Virtue. About the team, we will discuss it later. I have a training session with the kids now."

When he opened the door, Tessa was there, waiting. He couldn't read a thing from her eyes, and it made him even madder. "Do whatever you want today, just know I'm not ok with this."

He marched out, not giving her time to reply.

The kids waiting for him looked anxiously at their coach when he passed them. Sara came after him and said to the 3 little pairs, "Scott will be with you in 10, you should start the warm-up." The casual smile apparently put them at ease, quickly shifting their attention to training.

"He'll come around soon," Sara said in a lower voice to Tessa. "Let's go talk to Mel and Greg, they are waiting for us."

Tessa nodded once, doing everything in her power not to follow Scott Moir.

They got to an adjoining room which seemed to serve as a multi-purpose room, with some pilates and physiotherapy equipment scattered around, sharing the space with a long barre in front of a full mirrored wall.

Greg was sitting on a narrow bench beside the window, looking up at the ceiling as it was the most exciting thing in the world. Right by his side, Mel sat with her phone in her hands, her head resting casually on his shoulder while she scrolled down forever without actually reading anything.

The two youngsters looked to Tessa and Sara in sync when they entered the room. Mel was the first to get up and go to them.

"Was everything ok? Is Scott ok with Tessa helping us?"

"We are working on it, don't worry." Sara put a hand on her shoulder, "Let's focus on you two. Now, should we go over the choreography here so Tessa can help us?"

"Sure," Melanie said, her short hair barely rubbing her shoulder when she nodded eagerly. She looked at Tessa with huge stars in her eyes, and she wanted badly to impress her. "Greg?" She shot him a look.

They had a silent conversation when he remained sitting, shooting his eyebrows up to his hairline when she gave him a meaningful look.

He breathed loudly and rose to his feet, his shoulder drawn up almost to his ears and the hands deep in his pockets. "Look, I don't want to cause any trouble with Scott, he's our coach, and I'm sure he knows what's better for us. If he doesn't think we should work with Tessa, it's not a good idea to do it behind his back."

"Greg!" Melanie was shocked, there was a considerable miscommunication there if that was everything he understood by their earlier talk and the look on her face.

"What?" He turned to Tessa, "no offence Ms Virtue."

"None took." There was so much loyalty there, Tessa found it amusing. "Scott knows about it, and of course, it's your choice to work with me too. I'm here at your disposal, for as long as you want me."

"First, that was rude Greg," Sara pointed it out. "Second, I'm your coach too, and I'm Scott's partner. He knows I brought Tessa here and that it's my call to ask her help about this part of your training."

Sara was Scott's partner. That sound absurdly distasteful when it wasn't coming from her own voice, Tessa thought; her mind slipping away from the conversation for a second.

"Please, Greg. Let's just try" Melanie squeezed his hand and one look at that pair of hazel eyes, and he was ready to throw away any reservation he had, she knew it. They were skating together for 5 years now, and they had developed a sort of mutual dependency in many instances of their lives, not just on the ice. He was her best friend just as she was his, and they would do absolutely anything for one another.

"Ok, then." He squeezed her hand back and stole a brilliant smile from her when she mouthed him a "thank you".

"Great, let's get to work then. Tessa?" Sara looked at the other woman, not sure if she was still on this planet.

"Oh, sure."

Tessa shifted to her full work mode, positioning at the back and instructing them to start at the centre of the room, from their opening position. Sara pressed play, and the song gradually filled the room.

 

* * *

 

He was on his third beer, and he would get a refill soon. One look at Scott's face and Tyler, the bartender and owner of the bar, knew he better not talk, just keep his pint full.

Scott felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and snarled at whomever it was.

"Whoa, easy Scotty." It was Danny.

His older brother took a sit on a stool by his side and signalled for Tyler to get him his usual.

"Mom asked me to check on you on my way home."

"Of course she did." The gossip around Ilderton Skating Club travelled faster than the speed of light, and he had rejected a couple of calls from her during the day, "And what are you going to tell her?"

"That I found you having a nice meal at home."

"Good."

"Scott, she's worried. We all are."

"Fuck off."

His brown shot up to his hairline, it was not that uncommon to see Scott with a bad temper, especially nowadays, but there was something off that night. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Well, apparently, Danny wasn't aware of the new visitant.

"Sara trapped me."

"I thought you two-"

"No," he shook his head. "She asked Tessa Virtue's help with Mel and Greg."

"Tess?"

He nodded, "I just left the rink after spending a day looking at the one and only."

"That's..."

"Yes."

"Little Sara has some balls." Scott didn't see the corners of Danny's mouth twitch in a grin. He had to admit, Sara did what everyone thought about, but didn't dare to do. "How was it?"

"Seeing Tessa or being stabbed in the back by my partner?" Danny didn't know exactly which partner he was talking about. Maybe neither Scott. "It hurts like fuck."

"I'm truly sorry about it, Scott." He stopped, thinking for a second. He wanted to tell him Sara was right bringing Tessa and he should consider accepting her help, at least for the kids. Instead, he just asked for a refill for him. He knew better to suggest something like that.

Danny had been there too many times to count, in the same bar with Scott with a pint in front of him. That look of abandon in his brother's eyes terrified him. He was angry, yes, but after a while, the temper subsided, and there was only hurt left.

Tessa had disappointed everyone, not only Scott, but he was able to reach an understanding about her situation after a while. It was easier for him to see from another perspective, while Scott was all in his relationship with her. He loved his skating partner. And she still had given up on them.

 

* * *

 

Tessa got into her hotel room at the end of the day feeling torn between the excitement of helping Mel and Greg and the burning pain of her confrontation with Scott. In some way, she expected it would not be as bad as it was, but she supposed she asked for it when she showed up out of nowhere without notice after 3 years of silence. Scott had every right to be angry with her, but deep down she was human and a dreamer, so she had hope.

She curled in the king size bed and scrolled through her recent calls list and not for a second it crossed her mind to call to her fiance. Even though there were a couple of missed and calls and a handful of messages from him.

He was probably clueless about her sudden departure. She never told him she was going to London, just that she had a potential work lined up and they needed her as soon as possible in the Montreal area. It was not entirely untrue, she had some contacts at Cirque du Soleil and already worked with them. Eventually, she planned to go there to work on a couple of things. But not until she finished her main project in Ilderton.

She would send him a text later, but first Tessa really needed someone to talk to with no filters.

"Jordy?" She spoke right after her sister picked up.

"Hey Tess," She could hear something was off in her sister's voice. "What's up?"

"I'm in London."

"You are?" She heard the shock in her voice, the silence and then the curiosity. "When did it happen?"

"I got here last night."

"Wow, mom is going to freak out."

"Is she with you now?"

"No, she went to the market to buy some things for dinner. She knows something is off, Tess, call it motherly instinct or whatever, but she asked me about ten times if I had talked to you since Saturday."

"I've been sending her calls to the voicemail, I'm an awful liar."

"Well, I lied. I told her I talked to you earlier and you were drowned in work."

"Thanks. I'll talk to her when she gets back."

There was a long pause and Jordan considered her words before saying it. "You went to Ilderton, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Jordan knew of her encounter with Sara months ago, but she kept her thoughts to herself about it, even when Tessa asked for her opinion. She had a mantra since the first time Tessa called her from Paris with a heavy heart and a big decision to make. It was something like "I love you little sister, and whatever you do, I'll continue to support and cherish you". Even though sometimes Jordan just wanted to voice her frank opinion to try to knock some sense into that stubborn head of hers.

"How was it?"

"Awful, but good."

"Explain yourself."

"I loved working with the skaters. Mel is a sweet girl, but she has a lot of fire in her and my god, she has so much potential. And though Greg is such a chilled person, he gets frustrated easily when he knows something is not right, but can't fix it." Jordan could hear a passion in her voice that was very rare to Tessa nowadays, it was heartwarming. "I'll have to work hard to not get attached to those two," she continued, lost in her own words. "Everything about it is so bittersweet. It felt amazing to be on the ice at Ilderton, and it hurt too. My body has a sharp memory, at some times I kind expected Scott to show up and start to go over one of our programs with me." She could almost sense his hands grabbing her by the waist and taking the lead while they glide over the first stage they ever performed on.

"You know it won't happen, don't you?"

"I know. I made my bed a long time ago. Besides, I can't really skate anymore. I can play a bit, and I'll never quit because it's a part of me. Doing a full program, though, it's way over my limitations."

"Oh T, why the hell are you doing this to yourself?"

"I own him Jordan. I can't see him beating himself like that knowing I can help. I'm in a better place now, and I can help him." She repeated herself, reassuringly.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, he had to skip his training to pick up his car on his way to the arena. He was tired, moody and full of frustration pumping under his skin. He had a session with one of his teams' first thing in the morning, but as soon as he could, he would scape to throw some punches at a sandbag before he split someone's face in half.

It didn't help one bit that the first image he saw when he got to the rink, was Tessa standing in a corner, looking at the rink from a distance. She could be in the dark, meters away from him. His body still sensed her presence and his eyes were drawn to her in a second.

Scott walked to her and stopped a couple of steps from her. Close enough to see the longing in her eyes when she looked at the ice, but not enough for his hand to reach out and touch her.

"You still here?"

She turned her head quickly, crossing her arms in that stubborn way of hers. It was a way of shielding herself to. "I'm staying." She said. 

"I thought yesterday was enough for you."

"It'll take them more than one day, you know that."

"I'm not talking about the training, I'm talking about you and me. Do you really think we can do this? Work like we were two random people without a history?"

"Ask me to leave then, Scott. Tell me that you know of my work and still, you don't believe I can help those kids to be the champions they deserve to be."

She knew what buttons to push because some things would never change in him, his competitiveness was one of them, and the proud in him was the other. Scott would never admit she was what they needed even if he knew that.

"Will you eventually give up on them too?"

_Oh._

It hurt, damn it hurt. But she was prepared for it.

"They are not us."  
"No, they are not. Lucky them."

He turned his back on her and walked away, leaving her to collect her shattered pieces. She was getting used to seeing his back, more than his face and she had a feeling it wouldn't change anytime soon.

Still, he didn't tell her to leave, and she held onto to that. She was severely wounded from the recent events, but in her mind, she had one goal. She was good at drawing a plan and sticking to it until she succeeded, Well, except for the one time she didn't.

Tessa shot one more look at the ice before walking to the room to wait for her dancers. This time, she was not going to fail him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Don't hate Scott, he's just hurt. 
> 
> There will be some more angst before things start to get better, but I promise they will sort their shit out.
> 
>  
> 
> I was a bit insecure about how angsty this is becoming, I probably changed the angst tag on the description 3 times already (from mild angst > some angst > angst). I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and know I appreciate so much your comments and kudos... keep it coming, It's a huge motivation to an amateur writer! 
> 
> I can't wait to read your feedback about this chapter, even if you hate it lol 
> 
> You know where to find me (twitter: claire_smh) and have an awesome weekend :) 
> 
> _______  
> ps: If everything goes according to plan, there will the two chapters next week.


	4. I found shelter

_February, 2014_

Being at the opening ceremony was a singular moment. The entire team Canada wearing their uniforms proudly while the Maple Leaf waved in the red and white flag in the front. The people cheered on them loud, even though it was not their home country like the last Olympics. 

It was fucking surreal.

But it hurt him. So much. He felt like he could barely breathe.

Scott rose from his uncomfortable seat and walked away from the screen, pacing like a caged animal. It didn't matter the sound was muted and this wasn't live, in his head, he could hear it all.

Life was full of irony.

Instead of being there, in Sochi's opening ceremony, he was in another clinic, waiting for hours while his partner was being submitted to another surgery. They searched for every non-invasive method they could, but in the end, the only solution was to wait until the inflammation subsided and scheduled the procedure, which would take Tessa off the Ice for at least three months.

"Fuck!" He punched the closest wall but the physical hurt never came, he was numb.

Scott was glad his mom left him alone to grab something to eat and that Kate and Jim were in another waiting room. He had excused himself right after Tessa got in the operation room and found the darkest hidden spot to wait. He was never alone these days, either he was with his parents or with Tessa during the exams - or whenever she felt like having some company; people just didn't let him stay on his own, and it was suffocating.

He was about to run out of that building any second now when Kate showed up at the end of the corridor, calling for him, "Scott?"

"Yes?" He turned his body towards her, fisting the ends of his hair when he had to wait until she was close enough to talk at a reasonable volume.

Kate was exhausted, but she was such a strong woman; Tessa had inherited the fibre and determination from her mother. "The procedure is over," she told him.

"Fucking finally. Is everything ok?"

"The doctor said they made the repair and there weren't any complications."

"Thank God. How is she?" He looked to the corridor behind Kate, all of his body ready to go to her.

"She is a bit groggy and will spend the night here. Jordan and I are taking turns to stay with her through the night, and your mom should be back with food anytime now." She put a hand over his shoulder in a motherly gesture "Why don't you go get some rest and come back in the morning?"

"I promised I'd be here for her."

"And you are, she understands it, Scott." Kate shot a look at the light casting from the TV in the adjoining room; she knew all too well what day it was yesterday. "Go get some sleep and come back in the morning; you know Tessa won't wake up before midday if she can help it. I'll let your mom know you're on your way home when she gets here."

His first instinct was to say no, but he stopped for a moment and repealed the urge to deny his own hurt. _Think Scott, just for a second_. He was no good company for Tessa now; he needed to sort himself before meeting her.

"Ok." He said finally.

Kate gave him a soft smile and squeezed his shoulder. "I'll take care of her, and you take care of yourself. You two will be fine, Scott."

He nodded and turned his back to walk away. That boy was like a son to her and seeing him walk lacking that Scott Moir energy in his body, so lost and sad, it broke her heart. Life was being rough on them, and all she could do was take care of her daughter now and pray for them.

 

* * *

 

Scott got on the street and walked through the dark, cold night too grateful for being home. He could navigate the streets of London with his eyes closed and he really needed to clear his head.

The dense jacket kept him warm, and the Maple Leafs cap shielded his eyes from city lights when he kept his look down at his shoes stepping on the snow. He didn't look around him, but during a Friday night, the streets were packed with people having fun.

Every sports bar had a Canadian flag on the door and signs in support of the Canadian Olympic Team. The team he belonged to just a couple of months before.

One hour after Scott left the clinic, he found himself sitting by the counter of the only bar not broadcasting any Olympics; a football match never looked more appealing to him. When he asked for a pint and it handed to him promptly as he sent a quick text to his mom, telling her he was ok and she shouldn't worry.

Scott scrolled through the texts he had received on the previous days and turned his phone off.

The skating team had sent a group message for Tessa, and it was great to hear from them, he sincerely wished they were having the time of their lives over there. But Chiddy was worried about him. He had spoken to Patrick Chan during the day, and somehow it helped him to deal with it all because he understood, as an athlete, how difficult it was not to be there living his dream while he tried to be strong for Tessa.

She was the better and more composed half of that partnership. She knew how to control her fears and be there for Scott even when her world was crumbling down. She had been doing it for the past two months.

Tessa cried, yes, more times than his heart could take. She was beyond angry about everything and just overall devasted. But she would still look up at him from time to time, in the middle of an appointment or watching an old movie in her parents living room and ask "You ok?"

No, he wasn't, but he knew better than to lie to her. "I'll be" he would answer as he brought her body closer to his, in a poor attempt to placate his emotional mess.

The barman, Tyler, kept his pint full for the night, no questions asked and no answers needed - Scott would have none to give him either way.

"The last one is on the house." He pushed the tall glass over to him by 3 in the morning. He might not be from the area, but he knew very well who was Scott Moir and how the media wouldn't stop talking about their recent history of the Canada skating icons and the gold medal that wouldn't happen now. No man needed this burden atop of his personal sorrow.

"Thanks." He looked up but barely opened his lips to talk. His eyes were hazed, and his mind too clouded to properly function, thank god.  
  
Scott had drunk his sorry ass until stupor. But payback was a bitch. Nonetheless, in the first hours of the morning, he found himself sitting on the cold floor in front of the toilet after retching violently. He bent his knees up to rest his elbows and support his heavy head.

 _What the hell was that, Scott?_ He asked himself.

The image of Tessa's terrified eyes when she felt the first stab of pain back in December came to him.

 _I'll be here when you wake up._ He had promised. 

That was enough of feeling sorry for himself; Tessa needed him.

Not only that gold medal was her dream too, but she was the one being cut open and risking to have a vital part of her life - her career - taken away from her.

When Tessa opened her eyes again, after a few hours of sleep, she expected to see Jordan sitting by her side like the last time she was pulled out her shallow rest. But it was Scott's face that came into her view.

"You are here."

"I said I'd be with you, Kiddo." He moved from his chair to sit on her bed and gently lifted the hand resting closer to his leg. He kissed her knuckles and kept it on his lap. "How was your night?"

"Ok, I think. The meds kept me out for most of it." She took a moment to really look at him. "You didn't sleep, did you?"

"Not much." He said. _I got drunk, had a breakdown, took the coldest shower and a dozen pills, but my head is still killing me, at least I got my ass here before you could wake up_. "Any pain or discomfort?"

"No, the anaesthesia is probably still going, the doctor said the worst part comes in a couple of days."

"Your mom has a full operation set to take care of you."

"I know, she's sweet, but sometimes goes a bit overboard."

"Moms; they usually do it." His own mom was fussing over him all morning.

The silence felt awkward, too awkward. There was her best friend in the world, with the worst face she had ever seen on him. Tessa could bet he had spent the night drinking, as it happened before in the last two months. She looked down at their joined hands and thought about how that was the only concrete thing in her life at the moment, and she wouldn't lose it for absolutely anything.

"You know, I'm craving your grilled chicken and mash, do you think you can infiltrate in mom's operation and do it for me when I get out of here?" She was not going to talk about Sochi now, she couldn't; It was too much for her. She gladly chose to ignore the day it was and the competition schedule that was marked in her brain for months.

He smiled - he genuinely smiled at her -, squeezing her hand back "Consider it done."

They would be ok.

Wouldn't day?

Tessa could only hope so.

 

* * *

 

The creaking when Scott opened the front door sounded too loud over the dead silence accompanying them since they left the physio session.

"I'm going to take a shower," Tessa told him quickly.

"Ok, I'll see if I can put something together to eat."

He walked to the kitchen and Tessa continued to her bedroom. She needed some time alone, he could see it.

He focused on dinner but kept glancing at the microwave clock and trying to listen to any noise coming from the room she was using on the first floor. The session wasn't as good as Tessa expected for her fourth week of therapy; the checkup showed her that her knee was still too rigid and there was a long way until she would recover the full motion of it to go back to training.

It had been 45 days since the surgery and they stayed in London for her treatment. Tessa had high hopes for that day, she desperately wanted the doctor to clear her for some extra activities. She still hadn't set a foot into the ice, because she couldn't, and if she was honest to herself, she was deathly afraid to do it and fail miserably.

He had finished dinner for more than half an hour and was sitting on the sofa just waiting. But he was not very patient himself it had been one our, and he could still hear the water on the shower running.

"Tess?" He knocked on her bathroom door "Can I come in?

When she didn't answer, an irrational fear made her skin burn. Fuck privacy, "Tessa, I'm coming in."

He pushed the door open and found it unlocked. There was Tessa, sitting on the bathroom floor, her wet hair drenching the white towel around her body; her hands covered her face and all the frustration and anger she felt, had transformed itself into big and fat silent tears.

"Tess," Scott crouched in front of her, taking the hair out of her face.

She looked up at him, tears running freely from her beautiful green eyes. It broke his heart to see her like this.

He rose to turn the shower off and gathered her in his arms. "Come here, Kiddo."

He held her on her bed much like the way he did when she got hurt, and rocked her back, letting her sob against his chest.

He rested his cheek against her hair, and said softly "Next appointment it will be better, you will see."

"Don't you see it?" She grabbed her leg forcefully, ignoring the throbbing pain. That ugly, thick scar facing her right below the rim of her towel. "I'm just damaged, nothing is ever going to be right again."

He hated to see her beating herself over something out of her control, but recently a lousy day at the physiotherapy or this visit to the doctor, it was more than enough to break her apart.

"Don't do this to yourself, Tessa. We knew it wouldn't be easy, but if someone can make through it, it's you."  
She shut her eyes and shook her head "I can't, Scott."

Mostly she was this driven and focused person who would do everything to go back to her usual self and he couldn't put into words how amazing was to see her progress. He never left her side unless she wanted him to, his centre of gravity slowly changed to her ever since that day he went back to the hospital in the morning after her surgery. Sochi was gone, Meryl and Charles had won the gold medal, and they would never know if they could have beaten them. Somehow it didn't matter anymore. Tessa mattered.

"Look at me," He gently lifted her chin and waited until she opened her eyes again "In the 17 years I've known you, I never saw you more strong, powerful and beautiful than you are now. Seeing you fighting this is an extraordinary proof of how much you are capable of. We are humans, Tessa, it takes time for us to heal."

 _Both physically and mentally_ , Scott thought.

She didn't blink, Tessa just looked at him and tried to absorb the vehemence in which he talked with her. She was touched by his passion and the way he would cradle her face and with such gentleness; the intensity in his eyes was so mesmerising that her senses were inebriated by him. At that moment, she almost could believe in anything he said and forget about every fear plaguing her on an everyday basis.

Tessa didn't think when her lips touched his, she didn't want to think. She acted on instinct and emotion.

Scott was taken by surprise, but he didn't reject her. The soft touch on his jawline following the kiss was too good to make him second guess the way his own lips moved over hers with such ease.

It was not their first time. Carmen made then explore a very shady aspect of their relationship once, on and off the ice. But eventually, there was a somewhat sensible and mature understanding of how they could not continue messing around if they wanted to have a shot in Sochi.

Next thing Tessa knew, Scott was with Cassandra, and things got less complicated, apparently.

Now, breathing the same air again and touching each other's face to know it was very much real what was happening, Scott had to find the strength he didn't know to possess to pull away to be the voice of reason there.

"Tessa, that's not right," he said, everything in him screamed the opposite though.

She brought his face closer to rest her forehead against hers, "That's the only thing that seems right for me right now, Scott. Please."

She was still sideways in his lap, covered by a towel and nothing else. Her wet hair sticking to her neck and shoulders and her eyes puffing from all the crying. She was so vulnerable that he would never have the courage to assume anything, but could he ever say no to her? Sensing his hesitation, she was the one who moved her hand under his shirt, brushing her fingertips over the taut muscles and taking the clothes off his torso on her way up. Tessa needed to feel his skin against hers more than she needed to breathe.

Scott let her do whatever she wanted, he was there to serve her in every way she needed. But he would be fooling himself badly if he didn't acknowledge the power she had over him. His body reacted to every kiss and touch over his exposed skin; his groin throbbing under the belt to feel those small delicate hands over him.

Laying back, Tessa pulled him with her and Scott kept his weight off her, supporting himself with an arm, caressing her bones in her cleavage just above the towel.

"Don't think, Scott. I need you. So much." She urged the last words in a pleading.

He looked up at her, and the too-long hair fell over his eyes, she reached for it, combing back away from his face. When he finally kissed her again, she let out a deep sigh, thankful for the reservations leaving his body. Scott took care of his jeans too before he had the nerve to finally slide the soft towel away down her body until she was completely naked before him.

She was sigh for sore eyes.

His lips kissed where the tip of her ear meet her jawline, whispering softly. "Don't you ever doubt it, Tess, your body is the most exquisite creation in this world, it will never be damaged."

The index finger replaced his lips and he traced the path from her jawline to her chin, down her neck until he got to the valley between her small breasts. A hand roughly caressed one breast, rubbing the nipple between his thumb and forefinger as he felt her pulse quickens against his palm.

Tessa arched her body towards his touch, moaning softly. She was a mess, she could feel the tears in the back of her throat while he showered her with love and care. When he touched her right leg her body went rigid and he felt it, changing his caresses back to her belly, to kiss that sexy belly ring of hers.

She focussed on him, the lines of his face too centred on her. Scott was her anchor, and right now, she needed him more than air.

Her hands found him under the fabric of his black box briefs, and something compelling stirred in her when he was the one to close his eyes forcefully and utter a sound of wild pleasure.

"Take me."

"We need condoms, Tess."

She shook her head "I'm on the pill. Now, Scott."

He stroked her into sweet pleasure, her breath coming in short pants against his lips and her pulse marched around his fingers. There was absolutely no barrier between them anymore when Scott filled her, surrounding himself with that familiar heat. His heart might have stopped right there and he could have lost his restrainers if his eyes were not locked to hers, seeing everything he felt reflected in that haze of green,

For a moment, he feared for them, for what they were doing, but in the second her body started to move below him, everything was long forgotten.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and raised her good leg to rest on his hips. There was not an inch of skin not touching him; their bodies sliding against each other with a thin coat of sweat shining in the dim light of her room.

He dropped his head on her shoulder and she rested her cheek against his dense hair, the soft and slow rhythm they fell onto was just what they need. If it would last a lifetime, she was absolutely fine with it.

Tessa wanted to forget everything and focus only on the heavy weight of his body pressing her against the mattress, shielding her from every sad thought in her mind.

"Scott." She breathed his name like a prayer when he took the lead and sent them into a hectic motion. Their synchronicity was not in the moves this time, but in the exponential growth their needs, they tried to satisfy those needs with touch and urgent kisses, but in the end, it all came to sharing a breathe and feeling the comfort of each others body, until the climax.

They stayed there in the middle of the bed for minutes, catching their breaths in that aftermath bliss.

Scott rolled to the side, but he had no strength to let her go. His arms were kept on her waist, her head laying on his chest.

"Are you ok?" He asked

She nodded. "I am," Tessa said, nuzzling his shoulder.

"Good." He squeezed her body against his, looking up at the ceiling in the dark, trying not to overthink. She was ok for the night, and so was him. More than ok actually.

There was something precious about the intimacy and simple demonstration of affection exchanged between two people when making love. It was not sex, it was love in their own unique Tessa and Scott way. She felt beautiful, loved and cherished by him to the point she believed she was capable of overcoming this mess her life had become.

She fell asleep in his arms, naked bodies tangled up under her sheets and wrapped around each other's warmth. That night, she actually dreamed for the first time in months, Tessa could even swear she heard Scott saying he loved her in a way she only had heard in her most secret fantasies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any thoughts?
> 
> Thank you so much for the lovely comments on the last chapter, it truly warms my heart to read your reactions and to know you share my love for angst.
> 
> There's one more chapter about their past, the 6th probably, and then onto the 'present' time. I did it this way because there was a lot to cover from their past to understand why they are so broken. Let me know what you think about this dynamic!  
>  
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and leaving your comments, it always keeps me in the mood to write this little piece :)
> 
> I hope you all have a great week and I'll 'see' you in the next chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh


	5. Little talks

By Friday night, Tessa was standing in front of the door to her childhood home, too insecure to ring the doorbell. Jordan had texted her by noon saying their mother was coming home earlier and that she should do something because she was not buying the excuse of having too much work to do.

Kate Virtue was a very understanding human being. Still, she was quite nervous about not telling about it all before.

She was still debating with herself when the door opened, and Kate was standing there, not surprised at all to see her on her doorsteps.

"Mom?"

"I was getting tired of waiting for you to knock. Do you and Jordan really believe you can fool me?" Kate pulled her daughter to a warm embrace "What were you thinking coming back without telling me?"

She was a bit stunned, and definitely not ready for it yet. Her mom was one of a kind, definitely.

Half an hour later, Tessa was sitting in her old room, looking around the refurbished walls and some of the decoration she used to have in her own house. Long gone were the pictures of the days on the ice and any reminiscent of that part of her life.

"You changed it here." She told Kate when her mom entered her room with a clean set of sheets, setting it on the bed by her side. The soft touch of the fabric under her fingertips and the smell of her childhood home made her realise how much she missed being there at her parents home.

"This room was always ready for when you decided it was time to come back home, Tess." She heard an edge of sadness in her voice and guilt washed over her once again.

"I'm sorry, mom." She looked down at the joined hands on her lap, feeling too small to be a 30 years old woman.

"Don't be, love, you had your reasons. I'm just glad you're here now." Kate put her hand above hers and gave it a tight squeeze. "Your father will be so happy to have you here." Jim was out of town on business and would return in a couple of days, but she already told him what the girls were hiding from them, he was torn between happiness and worry for their youngster much like her.

"I miss him." Jim Virtue was not a big fan of Vancouver or Paris for that matter, and in 3 years, she probably saw him about four times.

"Tell me, what made you come back? It was Scott, wasn't it?"

She nodded, "yes."

Tessa laid her head on her mom's lap and curled herself into a ball. She started telling her from when Sara went to Vancouver to ask her help and how she saw the couple dance and fell in love with them. She wanted to help them so badly. But it took a rare moment of impulsivity to buy a plane ticket and pack a suitcase for an undetermined time in a late July weekend.  
  
"I was constantly searching for things about them, their history, and watching old programs over and over again. I finished the musical on a Friday and got here on Sunday. I didn't have a plan, I just needed to come and try somehow. Sara occasionally sent me some messages and kept saying she had an open invitation for me and I took it. How did you figure out I was here?"

"Word gets around Ilderton and London, Tess. People love to gossip and apparently you're a hot topic this week."

"Oh no." She hated to be in that kind of spotlight.

"Don't worry; eventually they will find something else to talk about. But if you really expected to make this come back and don't have anyone talking about it, you were fooling yourself, baby."

"I didn't come back, I'm just here for a couple of weeks to work with the skaters."

"Still, no one sees you even close to an ice rink since before the injury, T. People speculate, and the questions about what happened will arise again. Are you aware of that?"

She nodded, not entirely sure. "Nothing happened mom, I couldn't skate anymore, and I went away because I couldn't look at it every day and not skate."

"We both know that's the public version of the story, T."

"That will continue to be the only version, mom."

Tessa felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, thankful for the interruption. She looked at the screen to see Luc's picture in an incoming call. Kate saw it too.

"Are you using the super busy excuse with him too?" She asked when Tessa let it ring straight to voicemail.

"Kind of?"

"That's not right, T. He's your fiancé."

"I know."

The phone started ringing again, and this time it was the FaceTime.

“You should answer it,” Kate told her.

“Probably.”

“We'll continue this talk later, I'll be downstairs making us dinner.” She rose from the bed and Tessa had to sit, still looking at the phone in her hand. "I'm so glad you're here, T. But you should do it in the right way."

Kate dropped a kiss on her hair and closed the door behind her when Tessa accepted the call.

“Hey,” She said softly.

“Finally! I thought you got married to your work and forgot about me. Again.” Luc replied, half joking, half serious.

“I'm sorry, things have been hectic around here?”

“How is Montreal?”

It was around 6 pm Vancouver time, he was at the office, looking handsome in a striped shirt and a casual suit jacket and his hair perfectly combed back. Why couldn’t she go back to him and forget all this mess she was trying to figure out.

“How's the office?”

“I asked first, Tess.” When she hesitated, he squinted his eyes at her. He has earned a living by reading people in a courtroom. “Are you in Montreal at all?”

“No.”

He paused for a second, waiting for her this time. She had been acting strangely in the past couple of months, but he was not the kind of man who would pry, neither would she. Perhaps that’s how they worked together so well.

“I came to London.”

“As in London, Ontario?” London, UK would be less surprising to him.

“Yes, I’m in my parents’ house right now.”

“I see.”

“And I’m working with Sara, a coach in Ilderton Skating Club to help a team of ice dancers.”

“As in Scott Moir’s Ilderton Skating Club?”

Tessa nodded and Luc, always the easy and collected Luc, rubbed his forehead with his thumb showing signs of distress.

“I wish you’d told me before you made this decision, Tessa.”

“I did it on impulse, if I had thought for a second, I probably would never get on a plane.”

Tessa Virtue didn’t do things by impulse, he thought.

“How long will you stay?”

“A couple of weeks. The kids are good, they should be done with me before September.”

Tessa raised her right hand to brush a strand of hair out of her face, and Luc noted her engagement ring was missing.

“You’re not wearing your ring.”

“Oh, yeah," She looked at her empty hand, to used to it "I’ll go into a jewellery store to have it resized this next week, I promise.” She did manage a smile.

He was tired, and this conversation was not going anywhere. "Look, Tessa, I need to go home, can you make an effort to call me tomorrow? we really need to talk about things."

"Sure, it's Saturday, I should be home by noon my time."

"I'm not coming to the office, call me anytime."

"Ok, drive safely."

"I'll. Take care Tess, I miss you."

"You too."

She thought about how good he was to her from day one and how he was the only person who never expected anything from her, just whatever she was willing to give him. He deserved a lot better fiancé than the one he was getting. And the guilt was there, nagging her from time to time, coexisting with her will to be in Ilderton, doing precisely what she was doing.

 

* * *

 

It had been 10 days since Tessa started working with Sara and the kids - Scott was counting. Yes, the kids. Mel and Greg were not that much younger than him, but at 16 and 19 they were too innocent to that fucked up world, and he took seriously the duty to care for them just as he did to every student he ever had.

He could be a tough trainer with them in the rink, but he would protect those kids like a mom bear if they needed him. The figure skating world could be extremely competitive and mean to the skaters, especially the young one, and though he was convinced that they needed to toughen up if they wanted to stand on top of the podium, there were limits.

His own limits were tested and surpassed countless times.

He peeked through the slightly open the door to see Tessa in the back of the room and his two skaters in the front, dancing to the pop beat of something he heard on the radio nowadays. His eyes were deliberately on Mel and Greg, and he had to admit they made some improvement in the few days Tessa started to work with them. The moves were more fluid and the transitions between the dance steps and their second set of twizzles were way better.

But Scott would never admit it.

He did everything to keep his eyes away from Tessa, but it was humanly impossible. Tessa was dressed in grey leggings and a top with a very loose blouse over it. Her long hair was up in a messy bun and she didn't seem to have any makeup on. Still, she was just as beautiful as ever.

The way her body moved was too familiar to him, only there were more finesse and an overall style that she seemed to build for herself within time. Still, it was Tessa Virtue through and through.

She sensed his presence, his look still burned her skin, and her body reacted to it like a magnet. Tessa knew precisely when he left to finally looked at the door, her body never failed to keep the rhythm of the song and the steps she had taught her students. She pulled her gaze back to the pair and genuinely smiled seeing that girl swaying her hips like there was no tomorrow to the tune.

Greg was an excellent dancer too, he was not only her partner. He would lead and let her shine, but it took a lot to do it and have such a strong presence in a perfect balance with Mel. Tessa realised they had this pull and push kind of relationship on and off the ice. When Melanie was feeling down and frustrated about something, he would cheer her up; when Greg needed to blow some steam off, she would take the punch and never use it against him.

She had a distinct idea of where she knew this type of dynamic.

When the song ended, she walked to them, handling both bottles of water while they tried to catch their breaths. "Keep hydrated." She said to the pair. "Well done guys, that song was a nice choice, Mel."

"Was it?" The expectation to do right by Tessa's eyes still hadn't faded.

"Sure, I really liked it." She winked at her before turning to Greg. "Can you think of something for us to try next week?"

"Anything?"

"Absolutely"

"Cool."

"We could do it every once a week, it's a way to relax a bit and still train your body, what do you think? I can talk to your personal trainer to replace an hour of your aerobics time."

"I'd love that!" Mel turned to Greg and said, "Could you not bring one of you emo-rock from the past century?"

Greg rolled his eyes and bumped his shoulder against hers, "You picked Bang Bang from Jessie J, Woody, you can't make any demands."

The young adult pulled the hair tie from his sweaty hair, combing his finger through it, Melanie's eyes lingered on the movement of his hands a bit longer than it should "Shut up, you enjoyed it more than I did."

He shrugged his shoulder, giving her a crooked smile.

Tessa observed them, learning more about their dynamic every day "Ok guys, off to your program. Get to the first position and we will go through it without the music first.”

 

* * *

 

Scott locked himself in his office, taking the chair behind his desk. He had been desperately trying to focus on his routine since she got back. The hours at the gym duplicated, and mostly, during the mornings he could avoid meeting her. Tessa seemed to respect his position and didn’t try to approach him again, anything she needed she would talk to Sara and Sara would pass along to him.

Sara was the one mediating that relationship, and he couldn’t say he felt sorry for her because she was the one who came up with that crazy nonsense. She was still his coaching partner and the one responsible for the choreography, overall she was quite good at it, only to his misfortune, Tessa was better. She had always been an incredible dancer, and her ideas for their programs would always make them better. The best, actually.

His family was fully aware she was back in town, and although they were dying to pry, they kept it professional; not even aunt Carol paid a visit to her most brilliant pupil. She fully understood it was a very delicate situation.

Of course, he noticed how Danny was a constant in the past week during his after-work activities, from watching a sports game at his house to a casual pint at the bar. But if this was what took his mother off his back momentarily, he was ok with that. Danny was sensible enough to not bring the Tessa subject unless Scott was the one ranting about how fucked up their situation was.

There was a massive pile of bureaucracy sitting in the corner of his desk; he had to call a meeting with the other coaches to make some decisions and see how the fundraising event was coming up.

That part was a pain in his ass, but it was his duty to step in his mom's shoes and take control over this part when she decided to retire from the administration. She still coached her sync skating teams, but it was about everything she was willing to do.

Alma was now more interested in being a grandma full time and taking cruise trips with his father during the summer.

And if it was the price he paid to be able to work with the new generation of skaters and give back to his community, he was ok with that.

Scott heard a soft knock on the door and shut the rambling in his brain. “Come in,” he said.

It was Sara who pushed the door open and gave him a good morning. He was still mad at her and replied with a dry tone.

She took a sit in front of the messiest desk, taking in all the amount of things scattered around such small surface, but she bit her tongue before she commented about his lack of organisation; Sara had to pick her battles carefully, and right now, she had only one goal in her mind.

“Are you still nursing your wounds?”

“It's 6 in the morning, Sara, seriously? Give me a break for once.”

“We have no time, Scott, Mel and Greg have a competition in four weeks." She would take no bullshit from him. “They did amazing progress in one week, but we need to go over the small details on the ice. And we need Tessa for it.”

Her career had been shorter than Tessa’s and not as successful, but she had worked her ass off to be the best coach she could be, and sometimes it meant she needed to consider her own limitation in favour to her skaters.

“What do you want from me?’

“To let her participate in our training sessions on the ice and be open to what she has to say.”

“You got to be kidding me.“ He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a second.

She rose a finger to shush him.

“I haven’t finished. And, you won’t disrespect her in front of our skaters, they’re under a lot of stress and we need to show them a united front. Whether you like it or not, next season they will be at the senior level and business-wise, if we don’t help them to take a gold home, I doubt they’ll continue here. They dream big Scott."

Sara took a pause before she continued, "now, personally? I want them to kick everyone’s asses and shine like they are meant to.”

He did too, but at what cost? Could he trust the kids to her?

"Every time I put them more in contact with her, it will be more difficult when she leaves. I don’t trust her, Sara, and hell if I’ll let her disappoint them, they are just kids."

 _Them or you?_   She thought to herself.

“They are not, Scott, they are actually pretty mature for their age, and I know you don’t trust her, but I do.”

“How can you? You don’t know her.”

“Perhaps neither do you, it had been 3 years, a lot can change.” He whined, and she deliberately ignored his childish behaviour. “I do trust her, call it gut feeling" _or the sorrow I see in her eyes every time she shows when you’re not looking_ "or the way she had worked harder than you and I both during the past week with them. I don’t believe she will leave until her work here is done."

He remained silent for a couple of minutes, and Sara could see the wheels in his head turning and battling with his heart secretly.

"I hope you are right because if you don’t, you’ll be the one to pick their pieces."

 _And yours._ She had bit her tongue again. Damn Scott! She was not used to filtering whatever came into her mind and one of these days he would hear everything she had to say. Just not today; she loved her job too much to risk it yet. And she had learned once that timing was everything in life.

“Understood. But just for the record, it won’t happen.” Even if she had to go to the ends of the world, she would make Tessa finish whatever she came here to do. “Should I tell her our scheduled for tomorrow?"

“Can you give me until the end of the week, and make it only half of the training? Please.” Scott looked like a little boy with stomachache pleading and it was almost cute.

“Deal. The second half of training?”

“Whatever.”

“Thanks.” She squeezed his hand over the desk and smiled at him gently.

“Yeah, yeah, Now get out of here, I have this shitload of paperwork to go through before I get to the ice.”

“I’m out.”

She disappeared so quickly and left him thinking he probably went mad to accept something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> I'm posting this is the middle of the night, when I should probably be sleeping 'cause otherwise, I'd never stop writing and it would never be good enough lol 
> 
> This is a bit easier on the angst (almost boring haha but it needed to be done) and I'll probably won't post that last part of their past in the next chapter since it will make more sense after the continuation of this 'present' moment. I should update again on Sunday tho :)
> 
> I hope you liked it, and thank you so much for taking your time to read it and leave a comment down below; know that whenever I get a notification about a comment, my day gets exponentially better.
> 
> Twitter: Claire_smh


	6. The one who got away

Scott spent the next couple of days feeling anxious about being in the rink with Tessa. He spent more time in the gym now, in a way to always be prepared to meet her and still be able to keep his shit together.

He craved for a beer or something a bit stronger, a scotch maybe, to help smooth his nerves, but he was not doing it to his team. He had to be a responsible adult and do his best to navigate through this mess, using more standard methods.

He counted in his head the hours until it was about the time Tessa would show up, skating through the rink like she never stopped doing it.

How could she do it with such ease? He asked himself

It was in the middle of their song, Tessa noted, she maintained her distance from Scott and kept her eyes glued to Mel and Greg at every cost.

“You need to pick up your speed, you’re missing the timing of the music,” Sara said to them out loud, and they quickly corrected it; a look and a word were enough for them to communicate during the program. Scott had taught them to use cues and keywords that only they would understand; Greg even got his mannerism of talking barely moving his lips so no one could read what they were talking about.

That song was full of melancholy. They picked it because of the potential of showing emotion and feelings, something they had some problem with in the past. But maybe it was so complex that neither Sara nor Scott could help them to connect with that music and take the best of it.

Scott paid close attention to how Mel's hand now lingered on Greg's face and how he seemed to clutch her waist as his life depended on it.

How the hell she did it in such little time? He was a fool to even doubt if she could do it.

Greg skated backwards, pulling Mel with him, and when there was small change to the music, he pulled her up from the ice, high enough for her legs to reach his shoulder and circle around his neck. She finished the lift with a blade on his upper leg, and he held her up there as they crossed the ice.

Scott waited for Mel to get on her feet and paused the song from his phone.

“This is not right." Scott looked at them, his brows knitted together in concentration and his voice stern. He was in full coach mode and needed to stay that way, even though he felt Tessa's presence in every fibre of his body.

They stopped right on tracks and looked back at the three coaches in the entrance of the rink. Greg reached for Mel's hand in an automatic gesture as they skated closer, catching their breaths.

"Greg, you need to lift her high enough, so her legs don't need to bend to reach your shoulders. Mel, your right leg needs to go up, off Greg's leg when you stand. And you were off sync in your first tizzles again."

"That's impossible," Greg said.

"You were. Just a bit; but you were." Sara agreed. "Mel, you're going in too early. Let's try again." She turned to the other woman a few steps back and asked, “do you have something to add, Tessa?”

Scott finally turned to face her, but his eyes didn't show any emotions. It was almost he was daring her to talk.

Tessa averted her eyes back to the team and spoke softly. "Before you go into the twizzles, look at each other and time it concentrating on your breathing. You should not lose eye contact, firstly because it helps to keep in sync and secondly because it helps to portray the emotions you are proposing. This song can be about tragedy and loss, and it's important you keep the power both in your body language, your skate and this connection you two have."

The youngers listened to her attentively, Scott noticed. Tessa always had something that would draw people to her; it was her charisma and how thoughtful she could be even when she was dead serious about something. The way she spoke would make anyone believe in her words, including the Scott from another time.

"You need to think about what's your storyline, as we talked before," she kept going, considering her words carefully. "That way you can create consistent characters and movements throughout all your performance."

"I know, I know," Mel mumbled. Why couldn't they get it right? Greg sensed her frustration and squeezed her hand tightly as if he was telling her everything would be ok.

"We can come up with something together, Mel," Tessa said. "You told me that it's about a loss for you, but what if you think you are this woman who loves a man more than her own life, but she knows they can't be together for a number of reasons? It's a kind of loss too."

It hurt a great deal, she could guarantee. Tessa knew this pain all too well.

She felt Scott's eyes burning her face, but she didn't dare to look at him.

"I guess."  
"Your movements are all right, it's a brilliant programme, but you have to believe in what you're telling, you need to look at each other like no one on earth would make you feel the same. I know you've been skating together for five years now and anyone can see you have a strong chemistry, you are friends, you know each other in a way probably no one else does, so use it, hold to it and to the deep affection you have for each other when you go on the ice."

Sara nodded by her side, fighting a smile. They needed to hear it and coming from someone like Tessa, she hoped it would have more impact than all the times she tried to tell them this. The pair looked at each other, sinking in all the words and really looking into each other's eyes for the first time in a while.

Suddenly, they very aware of their hands closed in a firm grasp, and Greg noticed a freckle he didn't know Mel had in the corner of her left eye while she was charmed by the strand of hair that slipped out of the hair band and fell over his eyes.

It was mutual the feeling of gratitude for doing this with one another.

There was a brief moment of silence; Scott looked at Tessa, Tessa looked at the kids lost in each other, and Sara focussed on Scott. That little dance translated quite well what was the dynamic of such a particular group.

"Great, let's go over again from the lift part." Always the mediator, Sara broke the loud silence before things got tense.

"Ready?" Greg whispered.

"Yes." She sounded more confident now, he noticed.

They got to the centre os the ice, the first position was supposed to be them holding hands, facing each other, but it was not what they saw.

They were very conscious of each other now, and before the song started, they let the instinct guide them, and Greg put a hand on Mel's cheek, she did the same, and they joined their foreheads, keeping one of their hands still intertwined.

She thought about what Tessa said and picture a situation where she couldn't skate with Greg anymore, it was the closest scenario she could come up with, but it did the trick. She closed her eyes for a second, and when her eyes lids fluttered open, she looked at him with so much emotion.

They never lost that connection, the twizzles were in sync, and the emotional was there, so latent that Tessa had unshed tears in her eyes. She overlooked the technical mistakes and enjoyed the beautiful presentation they put together.

 _That lift was not working,_ Scott thought to himself, holding to the technical aspects to try to keep his own emotions at bay. Hearing Tessa talking like that and recognising the feeling and the touch of remembrance in her voice almost killed him right there.

Mel and Greg finished in the centre of the ice, with their backs to each other. That's new, their trainer noticed. But it worked. They skated with a passion he rarely saw, and it was terrific. They just needed to make it their pattern, but he would worry about it the next day.

"You did well," Scott spoke out loud when his team hugged each other. "It's enough for today, you're dismissed." It was enough for him too. "Session is over" He announced, passing between Sara and Tessa, not looking back.

 

* * *

 

They set on a routine where Tessa would participate in their training three times per week and continue doing her work every day in the first hours of the morning. Sometimes she would even help Sara with her other teams. "But what about Scott?" She asked when Sara asked for her help. 

"He doesn't need to know. Besides, if he finds out, he'll throw a tantrum like he always does but eventually, he'll need to get over it."

It was bizarre to hear someone else talking about Scott with such knowledge and intimacy. However, different from the way Tessa always dealt with him, Sara was very sure of herself and wouldn't take any bullshit from Scott. She couldn't help but wonder how extensive was their personal relationship, but then she remembered it was none of her business and she had her own personal relationship with her fiancé to worry about.

She had a lot of free time during her afternoons, so much that she even started feeding the weddings boards on her Pinterest account. Only she always ended up going to Youtube to watch all the Juniors presentations from the previous season from the teams that would be competing against Mel and Greg and the other teams Scott was coaching.

Tessa would take notes and study movements so she could bring in to the training and contribute to their programs. She was trying so hard to get a look of real attention from Scott, and still, more than a month since she arrived back, he never really looked in her eyes or talked to her more than it was necessary. He was polite, and he never called her out in front of the team, but his former partner felt invisible to the man that once would go great lengths for her.

And in a way, it hurt so much more than if he screamed at her and said what was really going on in his head.

When he was not looking, her eyes were on him, taking in the lines of his body gliding through the ice. She would look at the frown between his eyes slightly deeper than it was three years before. She enjoyed a bit too much to see him talking to the team or showing a move to them.

And if she was honest with herself for once, she was glad that he never demonstrated anything with Sara, even though sometimes it would be easier to just show them the move than explain it.

”I think you could grab her skates during the spin; it would give a nice touch and up the difficulty level,” Sara suggested.

“Like that?” Greg asked, trying the move.

“Yes, great. Try the step sequence again, and then the spin."

"Ok."

"We need to think about that lift, Scott. It's still wonky, and the competition is next week." Sara said, crossing her arms over her chest while observing them.

He was keeping up with their movements too, and thinking about it. Scott had an idea. He skated around them until they got to the point of doing it.

"Greg, Mel. Let's try a change in your next lift, instead of doing the rotation on your shoulders, grab Mel by the waist, and she'll put her knee on your thigh while you slide through the ice."  
"She could grab her skates around his arm." He heard Tessa saying by his side. She thought about the same lift he did.

Scott felt goosebumps by her proximity, and he tried his best to not think that they still could think alike. His throat was dry all of sudden, but he kept his posture.

"Then lift her to rest on your shoulder and rotate around." He continued as she was just a random presence there.

"Go over the lift without moving now, just to see if you got it," Tessa suggested to them when they looked a bit confused. She misjudged the situation when she thought she could speak up like this in a desperate way to have a connection with Scott. But she was not stepping back now.

“You did something like this, didn't you? Can you show us?" Mel in her innocence was dying to see her two all-time favourite skaters performing right in front of her.

 _Oh no, Mel._ Greg thought to himself, shooting a look at the pair in front of him to see their reaction.

Neither of them saw that coming, it was not one of their last routines. Tessa didn't know what to say, but Scott quickly found the sharp words “Tessa is not an ice skater anymore, Melanie, she’s your dance coach. And we are not a team.”

"But-"

"Woody." Greg held her hand firmly, and they had a brief exchange of looks which was enough for her to shut up.

She could be so innocent sometimes. Mel had this theory that they dated back before 2010 and they were going to fall in love again now. She was such a romantic that no matter how much he pointed out that they barely tolerated each other during training, she still believed it in her heart.

Tessa cleared her throat and prayed her voice wouldn't betray her. “Just try it, listen to what Scott and I said.”

Greg pulled her across the ice and made her focus on what they had to do. The knee on his thigh, then she held her skate second and finally he put her over his shoulder.

“It works," his voice came in a dry tone "Do it across the ice."

They stood there, side by side, watching a move they perfected ages ago, one time, another, and then too many until they got mildly right. It would be so easy to reach for Tessa and show them how to do it. But he was not capable of touching her, let alone skating with her.

She should have left, but she didn't want to be that kind of weak person who would break at a small mention of her past. She endured the rest of the session, keeping her chin up and her mouth shut until there was only Tessa and Scott left on the Ice.

"I'm sorry, I crossed the line here," Tessa whispered to Scott's back.

"You did, don't do it anymore if you want to continue here." He closed his hand in a tight fist, doing everything in his power to not turn around, he would lose it if looked at her.

"I thought I could help."

"You've done enough. And I had everything under control."

She nodded, and he heard the sound of her blades scraping the ice until it all went silent again and he could hear every thought and memory screaming in his head.

He sent a quick text to Sara and told her he was out of reach for the rest of the day. It was still early afternoon when he got on his car and drove away. The random radio station on this car didn't help much when it started playing some sappy music that instantly reminded him of Stay.

"You gotta be kidding me." He pressed the off button forcefully and pulled his car in the first spot he found. He had no idea where he was, but he didn't care. He got to the first bar he could find and sat by the counter, this was definitely his move. When things got too heavy, he just drank his sorrows away.

If Tessa thought she would help him somehow by showing up in his life out of nowhere, she was utterly mistaken. It hurt, too much, to see her every day and being torn between hugging her to never let her go and wanting to push her away, back to where she tucked herself in during all this time.

He had enough of it, there was no way he could diminish everything that was going in his head now. It all came in a flash and as confusing as it had been for over a month in his head.

She was amazing at everything she did, from coaching Mel and Greg, and all the other teams that Sara thought she could hide from him, to tearing his heart apart.

And she ran away from the problems when things got hard; Tessa said she was giving him a choice, but in reality, she took all the options from him and left Scott without his partner and the woman he loved.

He was willing to retire for her, he could not skate anymore as long she was still with him. But she didn't believe his love was strong enough for it, and it was, damn it was.

Scott felt the phone vibrate in his pocket for the hundredth time and took it out to turn off. There was a dozen of messages and calls from Sara. Where are you, Scott? He read.

She was not leaving him alone, Sara was too stubborn sometimes, and she would go to Danny if he didn't answer, and Scott didn't want to deal with those two. He texted the name of the bar but told her he was not in the mood for company.

He turned his phone off and tuck it back in his pocket. Since that first night when Tessa had her knee surgery, he found the comfort in feeling numb over alcohol. He didn't touch another glass until she went away without even having the dignity to say goodbye, and if it wasn't for his family and their utmost patience and love for him, only God knows what could have happened.

It was Mel and Greg that pulled him out of his misery. He was in Ilderton the first time they skated there, and he saw it, the chemistry, the talent and the potential. He wanted to do something for them.

And it was still them that made him leave the last sip of beer in the glass and exit the bar to the sidewalk.

He still wore sweats and white shirt from his day at the rink and maybe it wasn't the best choice after spending hours in a bar until it was dark and cold in Canadian weather. He needed to walk to clear his head enough so he could drive; Scott focussed on the training he had in the morning and how Mel and Greg would start their season in a couple of days.

Scott saw her first, dressed in a black floral dress and heels. Her hair was down, and she had some makeup on, it was very different from the Tessa he was now used to see around Ilderton in leggings and a ponytail. She was beautiful all the same. It took him only a second to realise that she had company. The blond guy led her to a seat in the table for two in the external area of a restaurant from across the street. The man took both her hands over the surface lighted by a soft candle, and kissed the ring on her left hand.

"Scott!" He heard Sara. Of course she found him. She put a hand on his shoulder, following his gaze to Tessa. "I didn't know."

"I did." the hurt was there, pure and simple.

"How?"

He turned around, having seen enough of Tessa and her fiancé.

"You didn't think I could really be oblivious to her, did you?"

She opened her mouth to speak and then closed again, "I should have known better."

"Yes, you should."

"I'm sorry for bringing her here."

"She'll leave, sooner or later." He shrugged his shoulders. He looked at Sara and saw that pretty face of hers and the lack of discernment in his drunken state combined with that emotional emptiness made him lean forward, for a second, he could have kissed her there, just to see if he could feel something, anything. But instead, he took a deep breath and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm a mess, I need to go home."

She hugged him there in the sidewalk, glancing at Tessa and the other man. She looked as miserable as Scott, but at that moment, her priority was the man in her arms.

"Come, I'll take you home."

 

* * *

 

The last few days of training leading to the competition were torture. There was a heavy feeling surrounding them all. Mel and Greg were nervous for their debut of the season, Scott and Tessa had this very dense mix of emotions going on and couldn't deal with each other, while Sara was tried to balance everything.

Tessa only spoke when Sara asked something, and mostly, she would pass notes to her another time so she could suggest it to Scott. He usually accepted things since it was coming from Sara and though she tried to tell it was Tessa's idea, Tessa didn't let her. She was not worried about credits, she just wanted to see Mel and Greg do great things.

Tessa was on her parents' patio thinking about that morning training and how she was feeling miserable over every encounter with Scott. Deep down, she hoped things would get easier, but it didn't happen. It only got worse. And Luc had shown up by surprise to remind her how easy things could be with him.

He opened the back door and took a seat beside her, putting his phone away. He had some good news to share with her.

"Hey," he spoke, bumping his shoulder against hers lightly.

"Hey." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm coming home with you this weekend." She said without taking a breath.

"Are you?" she could hear the excitement in his voice and a tad bit of surprise.

"Yes, Today was our last day of training before the competition. I feel my work here is done." Not exactly, but she couldn't take it anymore.

"Well, that's great, Tess! I just got out of the phone with the lady in the Vancouver Art Gallery, she tried to reach you, but your phone was off. They have a vacancy on the 26th of January if we want the venue.”

“January, as five months from now?” She was taken by surprise.

“Yes, it’s a take it or leaves it, I have to call her until noon tomorrow with the answer.”

The Vancouver Art Gallery was one of her favourite places in the world and getting married there was probably a dream. But could she pull a wedding in five months? She looked at the beautiful engagement ring in her hand and thought about the work she had been doing in Vancouver and how nice it was. She looked at the man by her side and how he fit so well in the plans she had since they met.

“I guess we have a date then.” She heard herself saying.

“Are you sure?”

“Positively.”

 

* * *

 

It was 5 in the morning when Tessa stepped on the ice; she couldn't sleep, and the team had a day off since they were catching a flight later on so she had at least one hour alone in the rink. She did it sometimes, putting the skates on and glide through the ice in long and slow strokes. It helped to clear her head.

Looking down to the well-worn skates as she moved, she felt like she was saying another goodbye. This time would be forever.

She thought she could do it, lock her feelings away and be the punching bag to Scott's anger. But she was not prepared to his indifference or the aura of sadness she could feel when he let his guard down for a brief second. To think that it was all her fault made it all unbearable.

"Looks like we had the same idea."

She spun around quickly and almost lost her balance when she heard his voice. Scott was there, right in front of her and actually talking to her.

"When you're leaving?" He asked, looking around the empty ice.

He knew, and she didn't even need to tell him. He just knew. Or worse, he expected her to run away just like she saw doing.

"Later today."

"I see," he skated around her, holding his hands behind his back. Tessa kept looking at him, turning around to keep up with his move.

"I hope I could help Mel and Greg to get their gold."

"They still have a long way to go,"

"They'll get there."

"Yes," He stopped and looked at her. He really looked at her. Her heart skipped a beat right there, and she had to make an effort to keep breathing.

He showed her all the hurt and the angry in his eyes for the first time since she stepped in Ilderton.

"Were you going to say goodbye this time?"

"Scott..."

"I asked you a question."

She wanted to look away from him, but physically couldn't.

"No, I was not. I never could and won't ever be able to."

"Why did you come back, then?"

"Because of Mel and Greg," It was only half truth.

"Why now?"

"I don't know."

Scott ran his hands through his hair and shook his head.

"I never thought that you, Tessa Virtue, would be this inconsequent. Do you have any idea how you messed things up? Not once but twice. I was used to not have you around, to not remembering every day about what we had. Then you show up and turn my life into this mess again." He smiled with no humour. "Tell me, did you have fun playing the ice dance coach these past weeks?"

"You know it's not like this,"

"It's very much what looks like to me. This is my life now, or what you left for me, it's not a weekend fun that you can come here, do some work and leave. There are people involved, feelings and expectations. And I'm not talking about me."

"I'm sorry, Scott."

"For what?"

She didn't answer right away, but eventually, it came in a whisper. "I'm sorry for leaving the first time."

"Me too. But now at least I get to say goodbye, don't I?

"Scott-"

"Goodbye, Tessa."

And just like this, he left.

 

* * *

 

Airports were too familiar to her. She usually enjoyed watching people come and go and loved to see the encounters happening there. But she was caught in her own agony that she just sat in the departure area, looking at the aircraft taxiing around the runaway through the glass walls.

Her eyes were puffy under the enormous sunglasses, and she was still sniffing occasionally.

Luc didn't ask any question when she was dead silent on her way to the airport. Tessa was gone for hours after she slipped out of bed before dawn and only got to her parents' house in time to gather her already packed bags and give her parents a goodbye hug.

He saw the way Kate looked at her and how she just shook her head, whispering to her "not now mom." And he didn't need to be a genius to figure something probably happen between Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir.

During the days he spent in London, she never invited him to the skating club and he didn't felt like showing up there on his own, some things were better to remain unseen. When they first started dating, he googled her and saw a video of them performing together, 30 seconds were enough to know that he didn't want any in-depth information about their relationship.

Luc was very sensible about Tessa's reactions and he learned when she just needed to be alone. He gave her some distance, keeping himself busy with some work until it was time to go home.

From where she sat, she could see her fiancé standing on the opposite side of the lounge, casually talking over the phone. One of his hands were buried in the pocket of his casual slacks pants and his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was so handsome with his golden hair combed back like that.

That was the man who had tea with her mother and chatted with her father more comfortably than one of her brothers. He was incredible, and she truly admired him for the integrity and how engaged he was in many causes close to her heart. Luc was her fan too; he understood her passion for the art because his education taught how important it was. He was always caring and supportive. He was everything she could ever wish for.

_But he was not Scott Moir._

It was no surprise to her when that thought crossed her mind. Actually, it was liberating. She almost felt she could breathe again if her heart didn't ache so much.

Earlier, when he asked her why she had come back, she lied. She came back for him, for the coach Scott Moir, but mostly for the man. She was such a fool to think that things would be easy.

"Tessa," Luc called her, stopping her mental rambling. She never felt him approaching her, they didn't have that kind of connection.

When she looked up at him, there was an emotion in Tessa's eyes that he'd never seen before.

"This is our flight, are you coming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a lot happened here... I hope you liked it
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it and for leaving a comment down below; know that whenever I get a notification, my day gets exponentially better.
> 
> You can always shout at me on Twitter (@claire_smh)


	7. Hurts like hell - Part I

_May, 2014_

Under the shade of a massive flourished tree, she closed her eyes for just a moment, seeing the St. Lawrence River and the city of Montreal In the background of her previous week’ activities. She had such lovely days. It was so nice to get out of London and her tiring routine there. Scott was right, she needed it.

He was the one who bought them tickets to watch the Cirque du Solei, and though she had already seen “Alegria”, it reminded her how incredible art could be and how it still made her smile. He had made sure she had an incredible weekend booking a nice hotel and taking her to dinner in a fancy restaurant when he much preferred a greasy burger place and a pint of beer instead of _moules_ soup and white wine for an early birthday celebration.

They even met Marie-France and Patrice for a casual lunch — they were the best people in the world and never talked about skating. Tessa and Scott had worked with them in an exhibition program, and since then, she always had a feeling they would do great things together. It was a topic they had approached a couple of times when they considered the road to 2018 and things with Marina started to get shady.

Always with the motherly attitude, MF only asked briefly if she was really ok as they hugged and said their goodbyes. She could see right through her and Tessa didn’t find it all too amusing since she was not good at hiding her frustration recently. “I’ll be” It was the honest answer she could give.

Tessa saw Patrice clasping Scott on the back, but she pretended she didn’t hear when he whispered to him “When you are ready, we’ll be here for you.”

It didn’t bother her to listen to this as much as seeing Scott nodding vehemently.

He never hid from her what he really wanted. PyeongChang was a clear goal in his mind, and he didn’t need to talk about it, she could read in between lines. It was in his eyes when he looked at the framed picture of them in Vancouver she held in her living room, and how he always said she could never fail him.

It was about trust, yes, but it was about his dreams too. And at that moment, Tessa couldn’t say they shared the same as his. Her only goal was to survive a day at a time.

They leaned into each other, both physically and emotionally and it was different from the Virtue-Moir partners. She needed him, plain and simple. Scott was the only thing that gave her reassurance now, and it felt so unfair. The reassurance he needed was that, somehow, they would be competing in an Olympic game again.

She felt the burn in her chest and the difficult to breathe as the thoughts crossed her mind. The sweet images of Montreal were long gone, and her senses were back to reality because it was better to go to that dark corner in her mind.

The soft breeze hitting her face carried the children's laugh and reminded where she was. She was back in Ilderton. It was Joe's birthday.

She opened her eyes and looked around Alma and Joe’s backyard, spotting too many familiar faces. If she didn’t know the Moirs for more than one decade, she would’ve said Scott fooled her when he said there would be only a family gathering.

There was Danny at the grill with Joe and Paul. And Sheri, their cousin, dressed in a flower printed dress with a baby boy on her hips while she talked to Alma while Cara, Carol’s youngster, played with the kids, including the cutest little girl wobbling in her chubby legs with her contagious laughter, Charlie’s daughter. She was such a bright ray of light, Tessa could never keep the smile off her face when she looked at her.

“Here,” Scott came into her sight, handing her a glass of cold lemonade.

“Thanks.” She mumbled, but her smile fell a bit.  
He took a seat next to her and looked at the kids for a second before he discreetly tilted his head and whispered in her ear. “Are you ok?”

She felt his hand on the small of her back, too aware of the littlest contact. Tessa nodded.

“Do you want to leave?”

“Uncle Scott!” They heard the girl’s very demanding voice.

Scott looked between his niece and Tessa.

“Go, I’m fine, I promise.”

“Any chance you could join us?” He knew she loved her niece and hoped she could put a real smile on her face.

“I’ll be watching from here.”

“Ok.” He brushed his lips on her hair and darted across the yard to where the kids were playing.

A kiss on her cheek and his hands on her was nothing new to his family, even when he was dating. Scott would always hug and touch her whenever he could. It always made her feel cherished by him. But the innocence in the brush of a hand was long gone since the night they got back to her place after her 45 days checkup.

They were in an entirely different place now.

Love was always something very present in their partnership. He was her first crush, yes, but after he broke up with her over the telephone with the most serious voice a young child could make, she discovered loved had a very different meaning from her fairytale stories.

It was about being there for one another. It was in the way he could make her laugh in her worst days and how they shared the same dreams for so many years. It was how they never pointed a finger to the other after a bad performance and still, how they would always make an extra effort to be the best partner ever.

There was angst and resent along the way; she felt it when they failed to communicate around 2010 and how it pained her to not have him by his side. Only now she saw as a part of the process of becoming who they were at present.

Scott would never be this caring and loving man if he didn’t learn from his mistakes, Tessa wished she learned too and could be more open about her feelings, especially her fears.

She looked at him now joined with Cara in entertaining the kids. He ran after them and took turns in raising them over his head, throwing them in the air.

The concept of love changed for her once, and it was changing again.

"He's going to be a great dad someday" Nicole, Charlie’s wife made a comment close by, Tessa looked at her in that very moment, their eyes met and her knowing smile said it all. Of course his family knew they crossed that line.

And it hit her with full force, made her self-conscious about every gesture and feeling she had. Tessa felt under a very harsh and bright spotlight, looking around to the faces and registering all the pressure piling up on top of her shoulders.

When they had sung happy birthday to Joe, she was at Scott's side with the Moirs. It's the place they put her, where Scott put her. She was not only the Virtue girl or the honorary Moir sibling, she was firstly Scott’s girl now.

 

* * *

 

It became pretty usual to wake to the weight of his arm around her waist in the morning sun. She often basked in the light casting from the major window in her room, enjoying the only pleasure in her life that was to have that man by her side before reality hit and she had to get up and get ready for another physiotherapy session or treatment with radio frequency to help her heal faster. Or worse, her 3 months check up.

Tessa had gone from a hopeful and dedicated patient, enjoying the newfound comfort in Scott’s constant presence and the many ways he showed her how much he cared for her, and if she could dare to say, how much he loved her, to a resentful person, full of self-pity. She now constantly felt like a lifeless body, serving the only purpose of getting fit for skating again.

The Skate Canada team kept tabs on her progress and made sure she didn’t forget they were waiting for a position about the 2014-15 season.

They still had media events to attend, and she did her best to stand in front of young children with shining eyes and beautiful dreams to say everything she should say and not what she really felt.

Because she felt like shit.

She couldn’t do the only thing she knew how to, and above all, Tessa was torn between needing Scott by her side more than life itself and seeing his expectation every time he invited her to go to the rink with him.

His head laid on her shoulder, his breathing tickling her sensitive bare skin and her chest rising and falling slowly in sync with his. Her hand moved up to submerge into the dense mass of dark hair, caressing his scalp at a languid pace. The quiet sound of their breathing, the motion of their bodies and the warmth of spring sun tickling their exposed skin; it was a beautiful symphony and she wished she could stay like this forever.

Tessa felt the minimal movement of his body, there was no space between them. He was beginning to wake up and her fantasy of living like this forever — or at least for the rest of the day, was long gone.

“Good morning” His rasp morning voice vibrated against the vein in her neck. His lips brushed against her pulse, and she shivered under his sweet ministration.

“Morning,” she mumbled, closing her eyes, feeling the lust of having him pampering her with kisses all the way to her mouth. Her core twisted in pleasure when she felt his weight pressing her against the mattress and his tongue parting her lips in a possessive form. The thoughts being shut down one by one at each caress of his mouth against hers.

If she couldn’t breathe, she preferred to suffocate because his lips stole her air. If her legs felt numb, she prayed it would be his hands pleasuring her, making her lose her senses. And if her heart ached, she would only allow it to be because she wanted to be a woman who deserved to call Scott Moir hers.

 

* * *

 

“Do you want to come over Ilderton later?” He gathered his pants from the soft grey armchair in the corner of her bedroom, avoiding eye contact and trying to sound casual. But Tessa knew very well his question was full of hopes.

Scott didn’t know she had rescheduled the visit to the doctor, she preferred to do it alone this time.

“I’m going out with Jordan today.” It was partly true, her sister was in town, and she could use some girl-time and a backup during the visit to the doctor's office.

“You are?” She never told him that Jordan was visiting.

“She got here yesterday.”

Fully dressed, he went around her bed and placing his hands beside her body on the mattress “That’s nice, maybe we can go over The Underdog and grab something to eat?” He suggested

“Sure, I’ll give you a call around 6 so we can meet.”

“Sounds good” He kissed her lightly and Tessa crossed her finger around his neck, holding him there.

“What?” He asked when she kept staring.

“Nothing, I like to have this morning view.”

His eyes softened, and the corner of his lips curled up, “ditto.”

Tessa in an old shirt of his, morning hair and no makeup? It was a vision to him. He could barely believe she was real if his thumb were not touching the skin in her waist, caressing her.

He kissed her forehead and then her lips once more. “Have fun today, if you need anything, I’ll be in Ilderton.”  
“Thanks” She managed a smile.

Fun was not exactly the word she’d use to describe de following day, she thought, hearing the front door being shut. Tessa prayed she could share some good news with him by the end of the day.

 

* * *

 

  
Scott got to the skating club at his usual time to take advantage of an empty rink to train on his own. He needed to be in good shape for when Tessa could go back to skating and they could start to think about the next season. He had a couple of songs ideas already, and he was working in a couple of moves in his head that could help their technical score without being too harsh on Tessa’s body for this first season back.

They should be doing shows now, and he missed it almost as much he missed competing. But he had faith they would be back to it in no time. It was the only thing missing in his life, he had the girl, the amazing family and he just needed to have his job back.

He was no fool, Scott knew very well there was a chance that Tessa couldn’t skate competitively anymore, but so far, she gave him no indication that it was something he should expect and he was gladly holding on to his hopes and plans for the next Olympics. The second gold was always their dream and their primary goal for 4 years. It was just postponed.

“Looking good there,” Scott tilted his head to his right to see his mom on the steps leading to the ice.

“Hey, mom,” he smiled, changing his direction to skate towards her. “You’re early.”

“I have some paperwork to go through, and there’s a leaking in the girls' locker room I need to call someone to take care of it.”

“Anything I can help?” Always the giver, Alma thought.

“If things get ugly, bring the buckets and the rags.”

“Great,” Scott rolled his eyes, but he breathed a laugh.

“How is Tessa?” She asked as she did every day since they were back from Canton.

“She’s fine, she’s out with Jordan today.”

“Jordan is here?” Scott nodded “Good, she can use the distraction. Any news from the doctor?”

“She should know about her progress in the appointment next week. Hopefully, she’ll be back to the rink by the end of the week.”

“Hm. It might take more time, son.”

“I know, I know.”

“Do you really?”

“Mom.”

“I’m serious, Scott. Tessa has a lot more healing to of than her physical condition.”

Her words circled around his head for the rest of the day, when he was teaching a little girl to skate backwards. Or helping out the very young duo Emma and Anthony on how to do the first lift he and Tessa had learned.

She never called him, and he assumed she needed her solo time with her sister. Scott respected that. Which didn't keep him from looking at his phone constantly, expecting a message from her.

His bedroom was almost strange to him now. The grey walls and dark wood furniture felt too heavy in comparison to the bright room Tessa had decorated for herself. He looked around, laying in his bed and debating with himself if he should call her. Tessa never left his thoughts in the last 12 hours thanks to that little seed of doubt his mom had planted on his head.

_Sweet dreams Tess xx_

He texted her and put his phone away in his bedside table.

 

* * *

 

Tessa read his message for the second time and thought if she should reply or even what could she say. She decided it was better to let it go, tomorrow she would talk to him.

She knocked quietly on the door, almost like she didn't want the door to open. But it did.

"Tess?" She heard Alma saying.

“Hi Alma,” she hesitated. “I’m sorry for showing up this late.” She fiddled with the hem of the thin cardigan she wore over white shirt and jeans; as if Tessa didn’t know she couldn’t trust the warmth of a spring night in Ontario.

“Don’t worry about that, I hadn’t gone to bed yet.” Alma fastened the knot of her robe over the flannel PJs “Come in, you’ll get a cold if you stand there wearing only this.”

In fact, she feared Tessa would get sick any moment now, she was paper thin and so pale, any soft breeze would take her down. But it was her shoulders drawn up and the drained look in her eyes that made her look like a defenceless child.

She closed the door, putting an affectionate arm around her waist. “I was going to make myself some tea, do you want some?”

“Sure,” she nodded.

If she had paid more attention, she would notice all the lights were off and she could easily navigate that house in the dark as much as her own home.

Alma let her sit on the table positioned in the middle of the kitchen and moved around with such ease and grace that Tessa only possessed on the ice. Alma was a petite woman, but she had so many qualities and so much strength. And she passed it all to her three sons. Tessa often heard Alma saying that of all roles in her life, being a mother was the one who brought her more white hairs and infinite joy. Tessa didn’t scape her ever-growing heart, and since she held Scott’s hand for the first time, she received the love and protection of Alma Moir.

She felt it in the look Alma gave her, taking the seat across from her, and in the way she grabbed her hand over the warm mug.

“Are you ok Tess?"

No, she was not. She was much like a mother to her, and she was a poor liar, "I need a favour."

"Anything."

"but please, don't tell Scott."

"Tess..." she started to say.

"It's important, I don't want to get his hopes up."

She realised what she was asking "What is it?"

"Can you lend me your key to the back door of the rink? And the codes."

"You want me to go with you?"

"I need to do it alone"

Alma nodded, she got up and grabbed the keychain from her purse. She took a set of keys from there and handed to her with the codes scribbled on a paper. "Here."

"Thank you."

 

* * *

 

Alma didn't sleep at night, neither did Tessa.

Tessa got up before the first yellow streak of light filled the darkness and retrieve an old pair of skates from her closet. They felt too heavy in her hands, more than she could remember. She got a top and a legging from her closet. The sweats were too loose on her waist and she avoided them at every cost. She could barely look in the mirror, she had no muscles left.

She pulled her hair in a bum and walked out of her house, driving through the well-known streets until she got to Ilderton Skating Club.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had been there. More than a year, perhaps? It was before it all blew on her face, for sure.

Tessa took her time putting her skates on; her hands worked on their own, and her mind wandered in another direction. Alone, listening to her loud thought, she tried to focus on her muscle memory when she got to her feet, balancing her body on the thin blades of the skates. 

The first time the metal came in contact with the ice, she felt it in every cell of her body, like a thunder rumbling over. Tessa always looked down and she saw her leg trembling when the second blade touched the ice. 

And she could stand on own feet there. Thank god. 

The languid stokes felt natural and she was actually happy for a second; her lips even attempted a smile. She even had a routine in her head, The seasons became louder and louder. It was too recent and to present in her life. Tessa let her body take charge and tried to block her fears. She skated around, feeing the ice for a moment; her arms moved in sync when she closed her eyes for a second.

She forgot to think and really went for it.

With her two feet on the ice, she gave a tentatively spin, ignoring the pain radiating up her leg until it reached her stomach causing successive waves of nausea. She tried very hard to focus on a fixed point in front of her and it happened to be an almost life-size poster of her and Scott with their Vancouver gold medals around their necks.

She gained some speed but she couldn’t raise a foot from the ice when she tried, it felt like a mass weighing a ton held her skates down. She began to hear the now familiar buzzing in the back of her mind, and it got louder and louder until she was obligated to stop and put her hands over her ears in a poor tentative to make it stop.

But it came from a dark place inside of her, crawling over her veins and numbing her senses.

Her legs gave in first, and the feeling continued to go up, constricting her lungs on it’s way up to her throat, leaving a trail of desert dryness and a nauseous taste in her mouth.

She shut her eyes but continued to see the grainy points clouding her vision. Tessa lost track of time and where she was when she desperately tried to ride that panic attack.

She wanted to scream, and cry, she wanted to do something. Anything. But she had no control over her body, she felt like no air got in or out of her lungs and her limbs wouldn’t respond to her command.

She was trapped in a lifeless body again. For some time now.

It was just the summit of months of physical and emotional pain taking charge of her like the skinny little monster it had been, watching and waiting for the moment to claim the ownership of her life.

Tessa didn’t remember anything during the moments she was off, but the first thought she breathed too was an obvious and painful one.

_I can’t skate, I can’t do it anymore._

She still felt the tingling over her skin when she hugged her legs, sitting in the middle of the ice rink where it all started. And where it came to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> This is the last bit of the flashback so you get a picture of what happened to put Tessa and Scott in the position they found themselves in. 
> 
> I hope you have enjoyed this, and thank you SO MUCH for reading leaving your comments, i look forward to read what you have to say about this chapter!
> 
> You know you can shout at me on Twitter @claire_smh


	8. Hurts like hell - Part II

_May 2014_

This silence was driving him mad. For more than a week, Scott had been put aside, getting poor excuses from Tessa to not meet him and even when they were together, she was anywhere but with him. Something had changed, and he had no idea what happened.

His hands held the steering wheel forcefully, making his knucks white and the muscles of his shoulder all tense when he took a turn on his way to the clinic.

Not long ago, they were talking about going back into competition and making plans.

He was focussing on this appointment she had scheduled with the doctor and how she would finally be able to step in the ice again. And he would be there for her, he would help her get through it and in no time they would be in Montreal, back into training.

But Tessa needed to tell him what the hell was going on so they could work it out.

He parked in front of the glass covered building and killed the engine.

By the time displaying on the panel, he got there early. She should be coming out from the physiotherapy session in about 10 minutes.

Scott had been too restless at the rink and his mom told him to get out of her way; he was no help for her in that state, even the kids were getting agitated.

He got out of the car, knowing there was a very thin rain falling in that cloudy afternoon. Scott felt his hair grow wet and heavy as the minutes passed, sticking to his neck and forming little drops running down his spine under the neckline of his black training shirt.

When he spotted Tessa getting out through the spinning doors, his shirt was a cold, damp layer over his skin and the smallest breeze could freeze his bones if his insides were not boiling from frustration and the born of anger.

“Scott?” Tessa looked surprised to see him there. Her hair in a top knot and the usually fitting Adidas sweatshirt and sweatpants seemed too baggy for her.

“Hey,” He tried to smile casually. “I texted you but you didn’t reply, I thought you could use a ride home from today's session.”

She wouldn’t say no, he knew her and she wouldn’t have the courage to send him away in his face.

“You didn’t need to do it.” The grip on her sports bag got tighter.

“No, I didn't. But I wanted to, Tessa. Get in the car before you get soaked.”

She took a deep breath and looked down to prevent the rain from falling over her face and avoid his look when she got to the passenger side.

In the car, the silence was a heavyweight over them, pressing down their tense shoulder to an almost painful state.

Tessa focused on the road s ahead of them, her hands linked in a firm grasp on her lap. She could hear the windshield wiper moving back and forth over the glass in a set rhythm and the occasional heavy drop of water hitting the car's hood above her head. Through the passenger window, she saw the people running on the street, trying to find a shelter from the rain getting considerably stronger as they approached her neighbourhood.

Even though she was aware of all the noises surrounding her, nothing could be louder than the thump of her heart. Tessa knew what was coming, and she couldn't continue to run from it.

She considered to open the door and get into her house as quickly as possible when the car came to a stop, but instead, she looked at him and waited. Scott deserved a lot more from her than a bunch of pity excuses.

"Are you letting me in?"

"Do you want to come in?" The words left her mouth without even thinking. It was just a reflex.

He breathed a humourless laugh, that was the easy part, would she let him into her head and her heart? "We need to talk"

She tried to look away, but he reached for her joined hands. Tessa looked down to his large hand covering hers, both of them cold and rigid, not exchanging any warmth.

“Talk to me, Tess." It made her look up to him, her big green eyes full of sadness and fear. He toned his voice down a little, "I need to know what's wrong. I‘m your partner in the sport, and I want to be your life partner as well." Scott moved his hands to frame her face, "can't you see it?"

The words left her mouth before she had a chance to think. “I can't skate, Scott.“

"How do you know? You didn't even get on the ice since you hurt yourself, or anywhere near it."

“I did, last week.”

Scott dropped his hands from her face, ”why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought it would be better this way. I didn't want to get your hopes up."

She made it practically impossible for him to control his frustration. He wanted to shake her out of this state she trapped herself in.

"Stop it, Tessa. Stop,” Scott uttered. “You have this absurd idea that you're protecting me by keeping all of this from me, but you're destroying our trust and partnership. I want to help you. I want to see you happy again, doing what you love."

“How do you possibly know what I want if I don’t?”

“We still can have another chance; we still can make our dream real.”

For someone who wanted to talk, Scott was not listening.

“Your dream, Scott,” Tessa whispered back and it got his attention.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go through it again; my body can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be responsible for us failing once again.”

“That’s bullshit, Tessa. How many times have I told you there’s no one to blame about it?”

“If I had paid attention to the signs and not pushed harder as I did, If I had focussed on what I was doing instead of being miles away thinking about everything but our program, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Who knows? Don’t do it to yourself, listen to what you’re saying. If it was me, would you let me blame myself for it?”

“No!”

“Then why we are even discussing this?”

“You asked me what is going on, that’s what’s going in my head, Scott.”

“Fine, you need to stop with this shit and get over it so we can move on. Nothing will change what happened, Tessa. We can do it. I know we can. The doctor said-”

“The doctor said my chances of being a high-performance athlete again are very low.”

This made him stop for a second. “When?”

“I had an appointment last week.”

“You kept it from me, Tessa? I’m not a fucking child who needed to be protected, especially by you. We should rely on each other and get through it all together. Didn’t we suffer enough in 2009 for not talking to each other? I thought we’d learned our lesson.”

What could she say to him? Her mind went deadly quiet because she knew he was right. But for the first time in her life, the emotions flooded her senses and she couldn’t be a rational person. “I’m sorry, Scott.”

He saw her opening the door and getting out of the car, walking through the pavemented path until her front door. The short walk made her soak to the bones, but she already felt so cold, it didn’t make any difference.

Tessa looked at the car once more before she got into the house. It was the first time she had ran away from him and Scott didn’t find the will in him to go after her, not this time. She had hurt him badly by keeping so much from him.

 

* * *

 

“Jordan, how can I not want to skate anymore?” It was not a rhetorical question. “Scott was always the one with the fierce passion for skating, but after my surgery I realised skating was my life, to feel this lack of emotion is crazy.”

They sat in Tessa’s backyard in a couple of comfy chairs with an empty bottle of wine between them. The night sky was finally clear after the unstoppable rain they had for four days.

“Tessa, you should really see a therapist, you’ve been through so much.” They have been telling her that for months now, but she was so stubborn.

“I know, I just…” She didn’t have a reason for not wanting to go; she just felt tired of everything. “I want to think about it. I want to have a full night of sleep and have the strength to get out of my bed to do anything other than going to the doctor's appointments. But I don’t. I want to run as far away from this as possible.”

“Far away from Scott too?”

She didn’t answer at first.

“Skating is his life Jordan, it was his first love.”

“You are his current love, Tess.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth,“ Jordan shrugged.

“I can’t be the woman he deserves to have by his side, not now. I need some time.”

“Then go away. Call Flore and accept her invitation to spend the summer there, come back and sort this out. But don’t leave Scott in the dark, Tess. You’ve been through heaven and hell together; you love each other. And now you are in love too. Do you think there’s anything more powerful than that?”

“I shouldn’t have crossed that line. It became so much more complicated.”

“I don’t think you ever had a choice.”

Jordan was right. It was just a matter of time, but her timing was awful.

Her big sister had stayed the night; they shared her bed as they used to when they were kids. It brought her some comfort in the middle of that emotional turmoil. She hated to sleep alone nowadays, Tessa got used to having Scott here, at an arm's length, she was used to him doing everything to her. She was being so egotistical, it was fucking unfair to him.

She tossed and turned for 8 hours, she typed a text to him and deleted more times she could count, and even dialled his phone number to give up just before she hit the ”Call” button. 

Tessa knew she would find him there; his soul and heart belonged to the ice and it was where he felt at peace. She couldn’t stand the feeling of being so weak and taking it away from him; she could barely look at the fragile woman she saw in the mirror. She didn’t recognise her at all.

She got to the entrance of the ice, stopping at the limit between the step and the frozen ground. The images and the overwhelming feeling of the last day she had been there treated to make an appearance and ruin her again. She fought every single one of them.

“Tess?” She looked up from the ground below her feet to see Scott skating to her. They stood there, looking at each other, sizing each other for a moment.

He looked so battled and tired, her heart ached for him, for being the cause of his suffering. But when she saw his hand reaching for her and stopping in mid-air, it was worse because she didn’t find it in her the will to accept his invitation to step on the ice.

Tessa saw his disappointment, his hurt when she shook her head.

“Why did you come here, then?”

"I came to apologise, for running away as I did.”

Scott didn’t say a word. He crossed his hands behind his back and tilted his head sighing, waiting for what else she had to say.

“I’m sorry for keeping everything from you too. It was not right, you’ve been the best partner in every way and I was not fair to you.”

Tessa raised one hand tentatively to cradle his cheek and Scott let her, but he remained cold still.

“I should have told you about the appointment, and about the day I came to Ilderton."  
"You should," his voice was tired. "I'm here for you, Tessa."  
"Even if I don't skate anymore?"  
"We'll seek another opinion; there must be a way."

She crossed her arms in front of her body and gathered the courage to say the words: “I don’t want to.”

Scott looked puzzled; the words didn't sink in. "I don't get it."

"I don't want to compete, Scott. I don't have it in me anymore. I lost it completely." She repeated herself, caught up in her own thoughts.

His hands moved to his hair, gripping the ends of the dark waves. His chest moving became more visible as if he was trying to catch his breath.

"You can't mean it."

"I do," She nodded, trying to sound convincing.

Scott felt when the last fine thread of self-control tore. How could she say something like that?

"What the hell, Tessa?" His voice echoed through the empty rink, hitting her in full force.

She took it and started to recite the words she had in her mind in the last couple of days. "I thought about it, a lot. And I want to retire from competition, Scott. But you are fit and you can still compete. Pyeongchang is four years away; it's enough time to build a good partnership and create an excellent program for the Olympics. I could help you."

Scott felt the sharp blow right in his stomach; it made him genuinely sick.

"Stop" First, it was shocking, but then came the rage. "Are you listening to yourself, Tessa?"

"It could work." She rose her shoulders, shrinking bit by bit under his rough tone.

"You're telling me you don't want to try to compete again, and you can help me find another person to do it with me? It took us 17 fucking years to build what we have. I don't want to work with another partner, Tessa. I can't believe you even thought about it. Can you see me skating with another woman?"

"It's the least I can do."

"The least you can do is to try. I told you I'm with you, no matter what. We can take a year off, rebuild our strength and abilities, and come back after that."

"Scott, I won't do it."

"You're being fucking selfish."

"I'm giving you a way out; you can skate with someone else."

"I can't. And I won't." He was shouting at her now, "that was always our deal, no other partner for each other. Never. It's our thing, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, since day one."

He didn't know what to do with his hands and continued to throw it in the air as he talked, filling the space between them. Through all their talk, he was still in the Ice and Tessa remained in the dry ground. It said a lot about their position in the matter under discussion.

"Life happens, Scott." The emotionless words and the vague look on her face made him want to shake her and make her react.

"The fuck it does. What are you going to do now, then? Skating is your life as much as it's mine."

"I'm going to figure out eventually. I might go to Paris for the summer, get away from all this."

"Whoa, I never thought you were a quitter Tessa."

She felt the tears burning in the back of her eyes, but she held it together as long as she could. "Neither did I," Tessa whispered. What a fucking mess she was.

Part of her wanted to step on the ice and tell him she would do it, if not for her, then for him. She wanted to be this person for him, but she knew deep down she was empty and she was no good for him.

They didn't share the same dreams anymore, and at that moment, she realised, they couldn't separate their professional life from their relationship. They were Tessa and Scott, Virtue and Moir, on and off the ice. And their relationship wouldn't survive this mess.

To look at the man in front of her, feeling all the love she nurtured for him over almost two decades and knowing she had failed him, destroyed her.

"I don't know what to say to you anymore, Tessa." His worlds had been shattered into pieces.

"I'm going to find my way out." The unshed tears made her choke on her words.

Scott didn't reply but kept his gaze firmly on hers until she turned his back on him and walked away.

He would never have thought that would be the last image he would have of his partner for the next four years. The day Tessa walked out of Ilderton Skating Club, taking with her his feelings and all the plans and dreams he had with her, would give him nightmares in the nights and torment his days with an irrevocable emptiness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was the last part of the flashback, I hope you could get the picture of what happened between them back in the day. The rest will come within the story. Let me know what you think about it!
> 
> My week was a bit hectic, and I didn't reply to any comments from the last chapter but know I read every single one and I just wanted to thank you for leaving your comments, and sharing your thoughts about this fic, I always look forward to them! 
> 
> Other than that, thanks as always for reading and I hope you have a lovely week!  
>  
> 
> twitter: claire_smh


	9. Scars

_Tessa looked through the small oval window, seeing the peaceful white clouds below the infinite blue and found comfort in it. She was happy with her decision, there was no other way for her. After everything that happened, it was time to go home._

_She thought about Scott, about the look on his face when he said goodbye to her. He was so hurt. She could deal with his anger, but not with the sad and tired look he gave her. That was what she always tried to avoid. Tessa had no strength to say goodbye to him and look at him in the eyes when she said she was leaving, once and again._

 

* * *

 

His house felt more empty than it usually did. It should be a beautiful sunny day, with warm light entering his living room and the adjoining kitchen, but his mood was dark, and he couldn't see the beauty in it. All he could think was how big that house was to a single man and how impersonal it felt.

His years as an ice dancer where locked away in a couple of boxes in the basement and there was only a couple of photos of his nieces and nephews on a shelf in his unused dining room.

He bought that house when he was in his mid-twenties and at the time, it seemed a good investment. Ilderton was his home and he always knew that no matter where his career would take him, in the end, he wanted to build a life in Ilderton, working at the skating club and performing in shows around Canada during the Summer,

Only life had other plans for him apparently.

He opened his cupboards and took a bottle of Scotch from there. He needed just one sip to help ease the burn he felt under his skin.

Scott dropped his heavy body on the sofa, leaning his head against the backrest and staring at the ceiling. He couldn't close his eyes; otherwise, her image would be too vivid.

She was gone again, and he was so grateful for it, but there was a vestige of that love that for a second, made him want to forgive and forget. If he let that whisper of emotion grow, he could have pulled her to his arms and kissed her lips to have just a little taste of his ultimate craving.

It didn’t hurt as much as the last time because now he expected it. He was not a young boy anymore, desperately in love and utterly blind to what was happening around him. He was no fool to think that Tessa would stay this time.

Her absence made his shell thicker and his heart colder because it was a matter of surviving.

His head got heavier each sip he took until it was just impossible to not close his eyes into the darkness of his own mind. Just for a second.

Scott felt it all again. He saw how she was not okay and she had been through so much. It hurt him to be kept in the dark, but he was willing to let it go if she promised they would go through it all together.

He could work on the idea of her not skating competitively anymore if there was no other way, they would find a way, as long they rely on each other he had faith.

It took him some time, yes. But he had eventually cleaned his head, and he went to knock at her door because he had been rude to her. Only to meet Kate there, tidying her house.

“Where’s Tessa?”

“She got on a plane a couple of days ago.” The worry and even the disappointment was present in her voice. “She said she would be in touch.”

And she did, she gave him the courtesy of a call. And the only pertinent question Scott had for her was: Are you going to come back?

She had said yes. But it never happened. Scott closed himself into the dark confines of his angst, the absolute disappointment and hurt she caused him. They exchanged messages until it became meaningless and he had to cut the cord. It was possibly the worst thing he had done, but Scott felt sick, and like an infection spreading through his body, he had to cut off the source of the problem.

He felt a touch before he opened his eyes. “Tess” he whispered In that semi-conscious state.

It broke her heart to see this. Alma Moir had always made everything for her son's happiness and to know now that it was out of her hands with her youngster, made her feel useless.

“Scott. Son.” She called him softly.

She saw his lids fluttering open before he looked up at her. He united his brows when her face came into focus and then jumped out of the sofa.

“What time is it?” Scott patted his pockets looking for his phone.

“You still have a couple of hours until your flight,” Alma answered. “Go take a shower, I’ll fix you something to eat.”

He nodded and mumbled a “Thank you” to her, and his mom managed a faint smile, watching him climb the stairs to go to his room.

With a deep breath, she collected the empty glass from the floor to put away in the sink. She knew his kitchen well, Alma had spent many days taking care of him there, in a similar situation that she found him when opened the door moments before, but worse.

He was better, his work kept him grounded nowadays, even though the same job made him feel frustrated when he couldn’t make things happen as he would like. Scott had a deep sense of responsibility towards Mel and Greg, but the affection he felt for them was what really moved him. And messed with his rationality from time to time.

Last season they started well, it was Scott’s second season as their coach, but in the end, they just lost it. They were lucky the other teams made some mistakes, and they ended 4th in the ranking for the season. But luck didn’t make people win gold medals.

That was when Sara went to her with the Tessa idea.

“That’s crazy, Sara. Scott will never accept that.”

“She’s the only one who can challenge him, I’ve tried to work with 4 choreographers, and no one could really work with him, even with the minimal contact. He was never pleased with the artistic part.” Sara was responsible for the choreography and Alma noticed she was feeling beaten over it too.

“You know that’s nothing to do with you, right?”

“In part, I know, but I need to come up with something. They are my responsibility too, and the other teams are doing ok if we can work this right we might even have a shared podium this season.”

“As a mother, I don’t think it’s a wise choice, Sara. As a coach, I understate where this comes from. It’s not my decision to make, you’re his partner and you know him quite well by now, just bear in mind it won’t be easy.”

She decided Tessa was the right choice, and Alma admired her for having the courage to go to Tessa even though it meant she had to put her own pride aside; as a woman and a professional.

Alma kept her distance from the rink when Tessa was there, but Sara kept her updated and she enlisted Danny to the task of keeping a close eye on Scott outside of work. She hurt for Scott and for herself when Tessa went away.

There was a deep connection to that girl that she could never explain. From a very young age, Kate had given her the right to love Tessa Virtue as the daughter she never had as part of this mutual agreement to look after each others’ kids.

She looked very fragile, as she had been for the past three months or something since her surgery. Tessa was thinner and paler even though she couldn’t do many exercises and the days were getting warmer since the spring

She could still remember the day she knocked on her door and asked her to access Ilderton, It was the last time Alma saw Tessa before she went to France and left everything behind.

Alma heard Scott when he entered the kitchen and locked away her thoughts. He sat by the island in the centre of his kitchen, and she took her time putting a plate for him of chicken and mash for lunch. The sound of the cutlery scraping the pan was loud in the dead silence.

“Thanks,” He said when his mom placed the plate in front of him.

“You’re welcome.” She took a seat in front of him, pulling a glass of water she had forgotten in the corner of the white marble top. Alma took little sips and waited observed him, trying to decide when she should speak up.

He knew what was running around her head and though he kept his eyes down to his plate, he was the now who broke the ice. “Tessa left this morning.”

“Sara told me.” She nodded.

“Of course she did,” he breathe a laugh, humourless. “It’s better this way. I never thought I’d say this, but Tessa is a quitter.”

Alma didn’t know what to say. In her heart, she didn’t believe Tessa was that kind of person, but the facts were there.

“Now I can go back to my normal life and Sara can give up on this insane idea of hers.”

“It was a good idea, you know.” Scott shot his head up. “Don’t look at me like this, Scott. You know better than I do how difficult you can be and how deep you were in the matters surrounding Mel and Greg. You still are,” she pointed. “I really hoped this would work.”

“You’re all out of your minds, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were not here she left.”

“I was. And that’s why I know the only thing that can fix everything for you is for her to be back. But I guess she’s not ready yet.”

“I don’t want Tessa Virtue in my life anymore. She can take her fancy Paris course and that fiancé of hers, get back to Vancouver and never come near Ilderton anymore.”

So much hurt and anger, Alma thought. And love.

She knew him well, and if there weren’t still love his heart, her presence would be only a pebble for him to kick out of his way. Scott loved like no one she knew. He’d put all this heart and soul into anything he did, and that’s why he had an incredible career as an athlete and could be a brilliant coach if he learned to use more of his head.

“I should go, I don’t want to lose my flight. I’ll take a taxi,” Scott rose from the table and turned to leave the room in one movement.

Alma saw him stop halfway out, comb both his hands through his too long hair and then turn to face her.

“I’m sorry, mom, it was rude of me to speak to you like that.”  
She shook her head “it’s ok.”

Alma walked to him and put a hand on his cheek. “I can’t stand to see you like this, Scott.”

“I’ll be better, I promise.” He looked into her eyes and she saw her little boy, broken and battled. She brought him into her arms and he curved his body around hers. He might be a 30 years-old, but he was still a mama boy.

“Take care of yourself, please.”

“I just need to get past this weekend.”

“You’ll, and Mel and Greg will do great. I love you, son. Don’t forget that.”

“Love you too, ma.”

 

* * *

 

One would never guess Scott’s life was such a mess in the previous days. While Sara was with their other team who would perform first, he stayed behind to give some attention to Mel and Greg. Mel already had her costume on, a light cream dress, with many of layers of fabric, shining beads and everything; probably it was Sara doing, he didn’t interfere In that area as long he didn’t see a real problem. Greg wore a white shirt and light coloured pants, his long hair was secured in a tie close to his neck; he sat on a bench, ear-pods on and head leaned on the wall.

He was nervous, more than Mel. His knee bouncing up and down and the restless hands rubbing against each other gave him away.

Scott saw Mel walking to her partner and softly putting a hand on his leg; she made him stop and open his eyes to look at her.

They talked quietly for some minutes and his posture changed, his shoulders relaxed and he even smiled when she made a joke and bumped her shoulder against his. For Greg, Mel was Woody - she had always been a Toy Story fan and continued to be no matter how old she got. She was both the spitfire to brighten up his day and the person who would bring him calm and reassurance.

Greg's hand came to rest over hers and Mel turned her palm up to interwind their fingers together. Scott felt an intruder in the room and quickly turned his back on them, focussing on the monitor to see Hannah and Quin, but his mind wandered off to his own routine before he entered the ice. The hug. It was the most intimate and precious moment for him, the calm before the storm.

If he let himself, he could remember the feeling of her arms around his waist and how soft he left when he closed his eyes and breathed the sweet strawberry scent of her hair. She had been his Mel, his anchor; and without her, he had lost the ability to find a place to set himself and build up his foundations again.

He was not that young man anymore, though it had been only 4 years since the first time she left, his skin was thicker and was not easily fooled anymore. He would heal faster, and get used to not having her around again, it was just a matter of time.

He heard her voice in his head and cringed involuntarily, rubbing the middle of his chest assaulted with a sharp pain, maybe it would take more time than he wanted to.

“Are you guys ready?" He heard it again, louder and clearer now.

_What the hell?_

Scott spun around and across the room, he saw Tessa standing there with a hand on Greg’s shoulder and a soft smile on her lips.

“Tessa!” Mel jumped out of the bench and hugged her. "I'm so glad you're here." The younger woman said.

"I wouldn't miss your first competition of the season.“ Tessa kisses the girl's cheek, keeping one arm around her shoulder.

Greg stood up, and to Scott’s disbelief, he actually looked happy and relieved to see Tessa. “It’s good to have you here.” She smiled at him and squeezed his upper arm in a way of saying everything would be ok.

“I came to wish you good luck, and be sure you remembered everything we talked about in the past weeks." They both nodded. "Good. Now, Sara is probably waiting for you upstairs, you’re next after the Russians.“

Tessa gathered her shameless courage to raise her eyes to look at Scott. The enviroment was too familiar for two people who spent a fraction of their careers in back rooms, preparing to compete.

The light was poor and the walls painted some dark grey shade. the backstage was not as glamorous as the main stage but the time spent there was just as important for the next 4 minutes on the ice. The number of times she and Scott had said to each other that everything would be ok there; the number of times they looked at each other's eyes and said, "no matter what, we are in this together; no matter what, I love you."

Maybe the prerogative could still be true, Tessa thought.

They had changed, yes, they had made mistakes. But seeing Scott under the glimpsing light of the monitor back him, how the lights shove through his dark hair em detached the lines of his shoulders. He was still Scott, who wore a maple leaf over his heart proudly and a determined look on his hazel-brown eyes.

They bore scars too - some inflicted by each other - and 4-years-old opened wounds. It was time for some mending, she was the one who walked away first, and she would be the one to give the first step towards him.

"I was a coward." She started, fidgeting the cord of the badge around her neck "I should have known better it wouldn't be easy."

She took another step towards him, but they were still too far apart. He had to remember how to breath seeing her there. He truly believed he was not going to see her anymore, and he alternated between pure relief and the utmost anger because of her games.

"What are you doing here? You should be in Vancouver." Scott's voice came out in a rasp.  
Tessa shook her head, "the only plane I got, was on my way here."

Scott looked down at her hand, searching for a ring there, she noticed it rubbing the back of her hand, feeling free from the weight of a ring that never belonged to her. "I'm moving back to London, for good. I wanted you to know first."  
"For fuck's sake, Tessa-"  
"Scott" Sara called his name from the door, but if they registered her presence, neither of them showed it. "You should come up, Mel and Greg are next."

Scott raised both his hands, rubbing his face to wash the fog off of his brain, he had to focus, this was not about Tessa and him, it was about the two kids upstairs going into the first competition of their season. "I can't do it now." The hand over his mouth muffled his words.

She wanted to curl herself under the harsh look in his eyes, but she fought it and let her arms drop over the sides of her body. She was open to him, her fear and insecurities on display, but determined to make things right. "I'm not going anywhere." She meant it, every single letter.

It was especially difficult to turn his back on her and leave that room when he wanted to understand where it all came from and why he was looking at a Tessa that reminded him so much of the girl he met when he was 9. He barely managed it, keeping his eyes on hers until there was a solid wall between them

Sara should have followed him, she should have ignored Tessa, but she didn't. Instead, she walked into the room, analysing her.

"Thanks for getting me a pass." Her throat was so dry, her voice almost didn't make it.

"It wouldn't be difficult to get Tessa Virtue a pass at a figure skating competition," Sara tucked her closed fists in the pockets of the jacket matching Scott's. She took a breath and said:

"You know the word is out, and all the whispers about you and Scott working together are loud as hell now, don't you?'

"Yes, I know."

"I guess it means there's no turning back now."

"No. I never had a choice, I had to come back to him eventually. I-" She considered her words before opening her mouth again, "I have to thank you for giving me another chance."

"Only God knows how much I regretted it for the past week."

"You are right," Tessa nodded, "but I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"It's not me you should worry about, because I don't."

She would have to earn Sara's trust back too. She liked Sara, she liked her especially for looking after Scott and being his partner in the way she should have been. And for the exact same reasons, she was incredibly jealous of her, though she had no right to be since she was the one who left. But then, she was never the most rational person when it involved Scott.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are back to our "current" timeline from where we left in chapter 6. I really want to know what you guys are thinking about it so far. There's still a lot to happen, but for me, this kind of closed the first part of the story. We already know what happened between them and Tessa made some important decision. 
> 
> I'm having a great time putting this story together and getting your feedback it's the best part of the process. I hope somehow I managed to give you some good reading material in return. 
> 
> I'll reply to all your comments tonight and if you'd like to chat, you know I'm always on Twitter (claire_smh)
> 
> Again, thanks for reading and I'll "see" you next week :)


	10. Building blocks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reposting this chapter after adding a couple of important things and doing a decent grammar review. Enjoy!

No one ever paid attention to the backstage, but the skaters.

In contrast to the bright, neat stage where the competitions were held, the concrete exposed structure and the lights among the ducts were just that, structure. And it was necessary to hold the beauty, the people and the spectacle of a sport such as Figure Skating.

The success on the ice depended pretty much on the ability the athletes had to concentrate and focus on their training preceding a competition, their strengths and managing their emotions. The structure was everything, and still, it wasn’t. There was a fragile line between the rigid and precise technical elements and the art performed to evoke emotion. Specially in ice dance where there were no jumps.

Tessa remembered very well the feeling before going up to the competition area as much as her surroundings at that moment. Montreal had something on her, from the possibilities it once presented for herself and her partner, to the sweet memories of many times there, in a competition or visiting the city with Scott. 

They had won gold in the JGP Canada there in 2005 and Tessa prayed Scott would have as much success as a coach that night. He had always been the perfect match between technical skills and sensibility - and he was a great dancer if she remembered correctly. It certainly rubbed on Mel and Greg for the past two seasons, and hopefully, she made some contributions too. They still had some things to polish, but they had time. For now, she had faith in how driven they were and the obvious progression they made since she had arrived in Ilderton in late July.

Taking a deep breath, Tessa passed the entrance to the competition area and got hit by all the feelings. Like a shadow, the anxiety that never left her stood up and made an angry Quickstep dance in her stomach when she confronted a scenario with such a weight in her life. And though Sara was right about not being able to hide her comeback anymore, she still found a hidden corner, mostly vacant, to stand away from the spotlight and watch the presentation. 

She was amused by the vision and the power of a full arena, the pop hits were blasting through the speakers in between a presentation and another, and the enthusiastic Canadian crowd, always lovers of the sport, painted the stands with colours and enthusiasm around the beautiful ice shining under the bright lights. Everything was just like she remembered. And more.

For almost five years, she stayed away from such an energetic atmosphere, making sure to remain invisible while she reconstructed herself and her relationship with the skates. But the pandora box had been opened, and there was no way she could close it again. Tessa knew people would gossip and make up theories, and though to the public domain Virtue and Moir parted in good terms and remained friends after 2014, there were other versions closer to the truth, and maybe her comeback would sparkle the curiosity and those mean talks. 

“Tess.” She heard her name and her first reaction was to cringe, but that voice, the strong accent and the soft way the word rolled off her tongue.

Tessa looked at her side and smiled, “Marie-France.”

The longtime friend and many times mentor didn't shy away, she hugged Tessa with motherly affection. “It's so good to see you here. I guess the rumours were right, you've been working with Scott.” 

Tessa nodded

Marie-France held both her hands in between them, looking at Tessa. “You should have told me you were going back to the sport, I’d have finally snatched you to Gadbois.”

Tessa let out a nervous laugh, “Sorry.”

“I already tried once, I guess Ilderton had more convincing arguments.” She looked directly at Scott across the rink, talking with Melanie and Gregory over the boards.

She looked at the man in question behind her, “yes.” 

“You couldn’t go back to the sport without him, you were always a team, and you’ll always be,” Marie-France said, squeezing her hands.

“You're in good hands with Sam Chouinard, you both did a fantastic job in the past season.“

“True. Is it too early to say how much I wanted to see you and Scott win gold in PyeongChang with Patch and me?”

Tessa shook her head. "No, it's fine."

Marie-France smiled "It's good to have you back, Tess.'

"It's good to be back."

_“Representing Canada, Melanie Wood and Gregory Murphy”_

“I guess It’s your team now, get used to the goosebumps, they’ll never go away” MF winked at her and said her goodbye with another hug and the promise they would talk soon.

She stole a look at Scott; he looked composed enough to anyone who didn’t know how he jaw clenched when something was wrong or the way his fists were forcefully closed. Tessa knew part of his state was because of her appearance. But he would have to get used to it,London was not that big, and their paths would cross eventually, if not often.

Tessa followed Scott’s look, setting on the couple in the middle of the ice. She saw Greg mumbling something to Mel and she nodded with a shadow of a smile just before she adopted a very sombre expression, getting into character.

From her spot, Tessa tried to stay still when the chords filled the arena, but her own body had a mind of its own, she knew all their choreography probably better than them and it was stronger than her; her head eventually started moving back and forth to the rhythm of the song and her hands imitated Mel's in a more restrained gesture. 

Still, her eyes never left them; her entire body and soul was with them.

When Mel made an extra move, Tessa saw her losing the timing before she did and Greg got lost for a bit as he tried to follow her pace, his foot and his body didn’t react at the same time and he almost stumbled on his own blades. It took them about 20 seconds and one awkward looking lift for them to catch up. In 4 minutes, It meant a lot.

They became too worried about what to do next and forgot about the emotion. It was lacking the power and Tessa wanted to hit both of them for falling into old patterns. They had made such good improvements in the past weeks!

For their luck, they were good above the average and miraculously, the second part was better. It was even superb if you didn’t know where to look for the mistakes. Unfortunately, the judges had eagle eyes.

They did everything right, but that was it, just right. Nothing like the firey performance she had seen many times in Ilderton, the kind of presentation that would give them gold, unlike the possible bronze they could get now if they were lucky. It was not a good day for them.

When Mel and Greg got to the end position with their backs to each other, catching their breath, Tessa was drawn to Scott again and he was incredibly still, shoulders rigid and nose pointing up high. Sara had her arms crossed and wore an unreadable mask. She took a turn and walked closer to the exit of the ice with water bottles in one hand and the two sets of blade guards in another.

Tessa wanted to go over, she wanted to hug Mel and Greg and show her support, but she didn’t feel comfortable enough to do it, not in front of an audience. They would have time for it later.

 

* * *

“We need to fix this.” Greg voiced, looking at the bronze medal in his hand.

They were lucky the American couple made more mistakes than them, but they were not happy about. Their score was below their expectations, and the messy way they skated left a bitter taste in their mouths. They both had all the resources and ability to do better, but they didn't manage well their expectations, and one mistake was enough to put all their training in check.

“We’ll talk when we get back to Ilderton, we have some time until Croatia.”

Greg looked at Tessa with a hand over Mel’s shoulder “what do we need to do now?” 

She didn’t reply, her eyes moved to Scott’s, and she waited for him.

“We’ll figure it out when we get to Ilderton, Greg” He replied, averting his eyes from Tessa’s.

Later, gathered outside the men’s locker room, Sara was with both her teams waiting for Greg. She lost Scott between going with the girls to take their costumes out and pick their stuff. 

“Where’s Scott?”

“He was in the hall close to the main entrance,” Mel answered.

“I’ll get him, and we can all meet at the exit, ok? The three young skaters nodded and she turned around to go after her partner. 

It wasn’t difficult to see him in the mostly empty arena; he was sitting in a corner with his elbows propped up on his knees, looking down and rubbing his hands together absently. 

“Scott,” he looked up, “we are going, are you coming with us?”

Scott didn’t answer right away as it took some time for him to realise where he was while his head went through the recent events of his life, from the first time Tessa showed up in Ilderton to her presence there in Montreal. All of that permeated by a feeling of how he had failed Mel and Greg at some level because he was distracted with his own personal issues.

Scott was a very transparent person, it was easy to see he was emotionally and physically tired and frustrated with the day they had. Sara walked to him and squeezed his shoulder in a friendly gesture. 

“Look, Tessa is not my favourite person right now, but you two need to talk. This situation is getting out of proportions and like it or not, she’s here now. Can you do it for me and our team?”

Scott kept looking at her, still trying to organise the words in his brain. Sara sighed, "I'll meet you at the hotel for dinner. Don't forget we have an early flight tomorrow morning."  

It took him a will he didn't know to possess to go after her, but Scott found Tessa in the empty stands, looking at the badge in her hands, wondering if this was her new place at the sport: Coach/Choreographer Tessa. The idea was bringing up a warm feeling in her heart, something that has been there for a couple of weeks now, growing every day she put on her worn skates to step on the ice. 

She sensed Scott’s presence when he took the seat next to her but remained silent. She had laid her cards on the table, the next move was on him. 

“We won gold here in 2005.” 

Of all the things he could have said, she never expected he would mention their past career. 

"We did, I was thinking about it before Mel and Greg skated" She looked at the battled ice, full of blade marks after a full day of competition. 

“Looks like I was more successful as a skater than as a coach here.” He spoke quietly, fumbling with his hands. 

She looked at him, surprised to hear him sharing a personal thought. “They did good,” Tessa assured him, being completely honest. “They just need to grow a thicker shell and make some adjustments.”

“Maybe” He paused and finally their eyes met. There was something there, confusion, doubts and a raw openness that threw her off only to be pulled back again to the moment by his next words,“was it for them that you stayed this time?” 

And she would give him the same honesty. ”There isn’t a single answer for this, Scott, it’s not so black and white,” she started. “I was impulsive when I showed up back in July, but I've been thinking a lot about the ‘whys’. I was planning to come here, stay for three months tops and leave, but yes, Mel and Greg have a lot more work to do, and I feel I'm not done with them yet. However, I was always meant to come back, It only took me longer than I’ve imagined.”

"Then why now?"

“Because I didn’t want to let this chance slip away.” She looked straight into his eyes “I left once and I’ve spent the past four years alternating between trying to forget you, Canton, London, Skating, and being pulled to it every time I blinked. I had a nice apartment in Vancouver, a solid career, I had someone too. Someone who was willing to deal with all the emotional baggage I had, or at least the fragments I allowed him to see. And still, it was never enough. Then Sara came to me asking for help and I took the chance because it gave me a reason to come back, because I didn't have the courage to come back and knock on your door only with a pitiful excuse and I felt I could somehow help you and it would ease just a little of the guilt I feel towards the way things ended in our career and our relationship." 

“You said you were going to come back, Tessa. And I waited, I legit waited for you, for months.”

“I meant when I said that. But it took me such a long time to start to be a functional human being again. By the time I was doing fairly ok, we already stopped talking and mom said you were doing ok, working at the rink.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“No, you wouldn’t, I was in France, you were in Canada.” And never two counties seemed so distant for her. “But I’m here now, and I don’t expect we start from where I left, and honestly, I don’t want to. I’m not that person anymore and from what I can see, neither are you. I was naive when I thought it would be easy to come back and set the things straight. But to leave again because things were difficult? Not this time. Despite everything, I found myself a purpose again, and it's with Mel and Greg and anyone else I can help with what I've learned both in figure skating and dancing. I love off-ice dancing and I'll do as much as I can of it but, it feels so good to be on the ice again, God, I've missed it."

“What do you want then?”

“To go back to Ilderton, make some changes for Mel and Greg and see them winning gold this season. Can we do that?”

 

* * *

“Where’s Tess?” Greg asked.

His partner and both his coaches were sitting in the first row closer to the ice. Scott leaned into the boards with his arms crossed while Greg couldn’t stay still; the skating club was mostly empty and he wanted to get to work as soon as possible.

Mel looked up from her phone, “you’re digging a hole in the floor, Greg, calm down.”

“Is she coming?” He insisted, ignoring his partner.

“Mel is right, calm down.” Scott’s voice was firm, and before he could answer about Tessa, they heard a door shutting somewhere close and Scott look up when the woman in question came into his sight “There she is.”

Greg let out a heavy breath, relieved. Mel just shook her head seeing him overreacting, she was not happy about their score either as she saw the many mistakes they made, but they had to keep it together and don’t waste any more energy torturing themselves over what happened.

“Morning, Tess.” Mel was the first to acknowledge her presence.

“Morning,” she smiled, taking a sip of coffee from her travel mug. She was still quite sleepy, Scott could see, no makeup would take that haze of sleep from her green eyes before a full cup of coffee and some activity to fully wake up her body.

Tessa was back. It didn’t sink in until they were there again at Ilderton, all 5 of them sitting in the stands, with the ice at their backs, evaluating the performance in their first competition on the season. At some point, she became part of the team as much as him and Sara, and he realised that at the moment Mel reached for her in the backstage after their performance and when Greg asked her what to do. Sara started this, she brought her in and accepted her without a shadow of a doubt.

He was the only one with any restrictions to her presence there.

But she came back, or apparently, she never left this time.

He still had so many questions to fill in the blanks and help him understand. But he needed to be the coach first. He could work with her, he said to himself. Scott could put it all aside and be the driven professional he knew how to be; and when things were better, they would talk. He would ask how she got into dancing, what happened in Paris, and one thing that literally kept him awake at night: did she ever skated again? 

She was the first to get to the rink now, he would arrive after his workout and walk past the room Tessa used and often, in the early hours of the morning, she was alone there, the music was on, as she did a series of stretches. If she was feeling like it, she would experiment a couple of moves too, thinking about what could change in their choreography, small things that would make a significant difference for them.

They had a long journey to mature into senior skaters, and this season would be their trial. They had every technical capacity to be the best, the most challenging part was to overcome their fears and insecurities to let their potential flourish through their program; the counselling would help that part, what they could do was make sure their program was impeccable.

Scott walked into the room with its mirrored walls, where Tessa had Moulin Rouge playing, and he grimaced; it reminded him of Paris, the things that cemented the abysm between them after they had done their part. He shook the thought out of his head and tried to focus on the present. An ever-growing part of him kept reminding him she had come back, months ago and chose to stay even through him non-stop tantrum.

His mom would be ashamed of his behaviour towards Tessa if she saw it and guarantee would give him a full lecture about how it was not the education she had given him. That fact that Tessa was very much like a daughter to Alma Moir would not help him at all.

He did It deliberately, to push her away, to protect himself from getting too close to her again and allow some feelings to come to the surface after all this time… Scott did it because he was hurt and he couldn’t find the words most of the time to explain that ache he had learned to live with.

Scott was not a fool, he knew very well that if he had overcome this Tessa thing, she would feel nothing towards her. His entire being would not react to her whenever she was around. She could be miles away from him in the rink, and he still would know where to look at; maybe it was a consequence of many years of training and learning how they should always be in sync.

Or maybe it was just him and all that complicated feelings. 

Sometimes he wanted to erase their past and be able to watch her without such a heavyweight. If Scott could do that, he would see a beautiful woman across the floor, intensely concentrated on every muscle being pulled and stretched,

The black yoga pants and the tank top under the long sleeves slouchy sweater didn’t leave much to his imagination. On her knees, throwing her arms back to elongate, he could see the outlines of the muscles she once lost, her firm abs peeking under the rim of the sweater, and the always mesmerising shape of her body. 

Tessa was strong again, she had that fierce look and the power running in her veins.

She was a stunning woman.

Tessa had her long hair lose, and as she rotated her neck from one side to another, the tips tickled her pale exposed skin, the softest skin Scott ever touched. Would it still feel the same under his fingertips? Her parted lips and closed eyes awaked visions and his own mouth went dry remembering the taste of her kiss.

Sometimes he wished she was just a woman he met at Tyler’s bar, but them, all the treasured memories wouldn’t exist, from their amazing accomplishments to the life they shared, and Scott would be nothing like the man he was, for better or for worse.

Tessa opened her eyes and meet his through the mirror. But Scott didn’t look away. They remained silent, guards down, memories exposed. 

Scott saw her rising to her feet and walking halfway to him and he took a step towards her, meeting her in the middle. 

“Hi,” Tessa said quietly. 

Things were different, Scott was different since they got back from Montreal. Often she would catch him looking at her with curiosity in his eyes and she wished he would voice his questions so they could clear the air around them for good and move on. 

“Hey,” Scott tucked his hands on the front pocket of his jeans. Now up close, he noticed she was not wearing any makeup, it was such a soft look on her and though he could see what the added products did to her eyes, this was his favourite look on her. “Did you get the updated schedule?”

“Yes,” and she had replied to his e-mail. “Thank you.”

He kept staring, and she could see the wheels turning in his brain, she took a chance and said:

“You have something on your mind.”

He took a look at her from under his eyelashes, raising his eyebrows “I have lots of things on my mind now.”

“Something I can help with?”

“Mel and Greg”

“We’ll fix their routines in the next couple of weeks, and we’ve been talking to them about managing their expectations and focussing on what is important.” She took a pause. “But I meant about you and I ."

She wanted to fix things, Tessa was not satisfied by existing anymore, “You are really not going anywhere.” Scott voiced his thoughts.

“No, I’m staying at my parents for now, but I’m looking for a place here.”

“Your house is rented.” It was not a question.

Tessa nodded, “I don’t need a house that big now.”

And she wanted to start fresh. There was enough of her past between them and Tessa wished to build a life and relationships based on who she was now, not only memories. One day she hoped she could separate the good from the bad though, and smile to the ones that brought her so much joy without feeling guilty over everything.

“Ask Cara, she knows pretty much everything that is going on around here, she might know someone who knows someone with a vacant place.”

“I’ll do it. Thanks.” 

He made a move to leave, but something made him turn on his heels.

“Sara is not coming to Croatia," He started, "she has something coming up that week."

Do you think you can go? I could use a hand with the kids. If you can’t, I’ll ask Cara or-"

“I can.” She said quickly.

“Good,” He nodded once, “Sara has the details of the hotel reservations, and the flight bookings.”

“I’ll talk to her.”

“I should go. I’ll see you on the ice later?”

Part of her expected the implied accusation as he did once when she said no to every time he invited her to skate with him, but his voice was free from any preconception. It was Scott, the coach, making sure Tessa, the choreographer, was aware she was expected on the ice in their scheduled training. She didn’t know how much she needed that clean ground to structure their new relationship in until that moment.

“Yes.”

When she was alone, she dared to smile. The air filled her lungs, puffing her chest out; it felt so good to lift a tiny part of the weight constantly pressing down her chest. Tessa could only imagine how would it feel to be completely free from it, and she let herself envision that in her future. Someday, she hoped.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, 
> 
> I deleted the chapter I posted a couple of weeks ago because it was such a mess! 
> 
> If you did read that, you'll notice I've added a very important part where TS really started talking. If you didn't, I'm glad you're only reading this version lol 
> 
> I've learned my lesson, and I'm not posting a chapter before I can take a moment to really go through it all and properly revise it, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to update as often as I wanted since work is taking a lot of my time and energy recently :/
> 
> Thank you so much for those who read this fic and I hope you know how much I appreciate every comment I receive here and how it truly makes my hectic days a bit easier.
> 
>    
> Have a great weekend and I'll "see" you soon.
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh


	11. Combined Efforts

Looking at the reflection in the mirror, Greg saw from his peripheral view that he had company. He straightened his shoulders and opened the tap, pretending to wash his hands.

"Hey Greg,” William, the American single skater said, punching his shoulder lightly. He was a couple of inches shorter than Greg, and the dark hair was well tamed under a shiny coat of gel in contrast to the golden strands brushing Greg’s squared shoulders.

“Will,” Greg nodded once, drying his hands.

“I saw Tessa Virtue around with Scott and Mel,” He dropped his duffel bag on the for and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms casually over the USA flag in his jacket. “So, is it true?

She’s back in the game?”

“She’s been helping us with the choreography.”

“Nice, she sure is easy on the eyes.” He smirked, seeing the annoyance on his face.

Greg was quite protective of the women he liked, the black eye he got two years before when he tried to hit on a very young Melanie was a proof of that trait of his personality. He was a reformed bad boy himself, and nowadays they got along pretty well.

“Go put your tutu on, Will.” He already had his on, a very tight and dark mesh on the upper body and straight cut pants

“I will. Good luck, dude.”

“Thanks, you too.”

They bumped fists, and Will walked out to another area to get changed.

Greg looked at himself in the mirror, combing his hair with his fingers to secure the mass in a tie close to his neck. He should get a haircut soon, before the nationals preferably, but Mel liked it that way, and he kept postponing it.

When they where sitting close, she had this habit of running her hands lazily over the full extension of his hair until she reached he tips to roll it between her fingers; it was so comforting.

One last look and he saw the pendant around his neck; his lucky charm. Greg used his mother’s charm and her last name, along with the unfading love for her in a concrete attempt to keep her with him on this earth. He kissed the golden Celtic Knot and tucked under his costume, promising her wherever she was that he would make her smile today.

It was for her that he started skating and continued, then it became because of the energetic petit girl in who he found a perfect fit. He wouldn’t ever forget her strength and unconditional support Mel gave him and how he leaned into her during the most difficult times of his life when he lost his mom.

She was his rock, and he wanted to be hers, so badly.

“Greg!” He heard Scott’s voice and turned around. He pointed a thumb to his back, “Let’s go, now.”

“I’m coming.” He gathered his Canada jacket and met Scott outside the bathroom.

“All good?” Scott asked.

“Yes, just making sure this thing was in place.”

Scott looked at him from head to toe, “you look cute.”

“At least it's not velveting pants.”

“Your day will come," Scott assured him.

He muffled a laugh, walking along with his coach. His eyes instantly feel on Mel, looking splendid in that form-fitting cream dress. She added some sparkles to it since the last time and at some point; he had learned it was not a frivolous detail, it was part of the beauty.

Her hair was in an up-do in the base of her neck and the long bangs secured behind her ear.

“Looking good, Woody.” He whispered in her ear and she shot a look at him.

“You’re not so bad yourself. I told you the grey bottoms was a good idea.”

“Of course you did.” He extended a hand to her. “Ready?”

She nodded once, the fire and determination shining in her eyes. Mel inter-winded her fingers with him tightly and together, they stepped on the ice. With a bright smile fixed on their faces, they took in the whistles and the applauses which grew louder when their names were called. It felt great every time they were showered with that positive energy but still terrifying. The expectation boiling inside reflected on the audience, and it could crash them even before the song started playing.

They had ended up in fourth after the Rhythm Dance; the two Russian and the American due were in the first 3 places which meant they had to do an impeccable presentation to have any change to be on the podium and a significant score to put them on the game for the finals that season.

Greg tried to remember everything Scott, Tessa and Sara said to them, and for a moment he lost his connection to the girl clutching his hand only to be pulled back by the first notes of their song.

The lift was better, they had worked hard on that, they had the connection, the sensibility to the music and technical quality. The correct edges, the changes and turns. But his mind was somewhere else, and he paid the price, for a fraction of second he got distracted, and he skated too far from Mel hitting the bars and falling.

They sat in dead silence, Greg gave a small smile to the camera and kept his eyes on the monitor for the scores.

60,45 with 1,0 deduction for his fall and with their score from the Rhythm Dance they fell into the second place and having the 3 best couples after them, their chances to get any medal was zero. Or worse, with such score in both competitions, their chances to get to the final were very slim.

When they were off the cameras, Mel raised a hand to touch his arm, and he stepped back.

“Greg, it’s fine.”

“Bullshit.” His tone was pure acid, and Mel shrieked her shoulder as she had taken a punch in the stomach.

“Greg,” Scott shot him a look. “Let’s watch the next programs.” It was an order, not a suggestion.

Marie-France had warned Tessa about the butterflies in her stomach, but no one prepared her to stand by their side when presentation after presentation, they saw their position dropping until the end.

When Greg just shrugged and walked away, Tessa reached for Melanie, and she shook her head, walking in the opposite direction. So mature of them.

 

* * *

 

Greg had a terrible night of sleep, and he was up before 6 and ready to leave the room. He tried to make as little noise as possible and counted on Scott's snores to muffle the sound of the bathroom door closing after his morning shower to keep his coach asleep.

He put on some running shoes and zipped up his black hoodie matching the sweats and gathered his phone and ear pods. He wouldn’t go anywhere without them.

“Where are you going?” Scott groaned, still half asleep. Shit.

“I’m going for a run.”

Greg watched him sitting up and rubbing a hand down his face roughly to look at him. “Want some company?”

“No,” he answered quickly, “I will be back for breakfast.”

“7 a.m.”

“Deal.”

Scott heard the door shutting and laid back in his pillow looking at the ceiling. The dark look in Greg's eyes and the lack of energy in his demeanour was a problem. He needed to do something.

When Greg exited the hotel and took a turn left. It was still barely morning when he picked up his pace. He hit the shuffle on his Spotify, feeling the beat of Joy Division pulsing in his blood, and probably there would be a miscellaneous of songs in the next hour. Nowadays, he was into classical, but often he would go back to the heavy rock from the last century, or if he was feeling like it, there was space for some new indie bands too.

Music was everything to him, he probably spent more time feeding his Spotify than anything else, and it spoke a lot about his feelings; so when he and Mel sat down on a weekend to finally decide on their songs for the season, he took the task seriously.

Adagio made him feel something, something complex and powerful and he wanted to create a program which would make people feel something too.

And it made him think about Mel, about the layers of complexity she had, from the sweetest girl who stepped on earth to the most powerful woman he knew, so mature and committed to their goals. She could be an A student and still give her best in the rink and in every competition they had.

The deep admiration he had for her was just another face of the love they shared. She was his best friend, his anchor. She kept him centred because she was the centre of his world.

No, they had never crossed that line.

The romance was one thing, love was another. Sometimes he thought they could have both, but it would undoubtedly get in the way of their goals as athletes; romance was a messy thing, people got hurt and disappointed, and he preferred the security of their love, pure and devoting.

He felt like he was failing her, and all the commitment she had been putting in their career. His head had been somewhere else, wanting and wishing he was better… There was a rupture in the dialogue between his head, his heart, and his body.

He had dreams, he wanted to stand in the podium by Mel’s side, with a gold medal around his neck in the Olympics, but was he capable? Or it was just a distant fantasy?

 

* * *

 

By the time Greg returned to the hotel, the sky was bright blue and the morning sun attempted to cut through the chilly breeze, and he saw Scott leaning against the passenger side of a black car.

“What's up?" He asked, taking down his ear pods.

“You’re late, I said 7,”

“Sorry, I must have lost track of time.” He looked down his phone and indeed he did, It was almost 8 in the morning.

“You said you wanted to go to Zadar in your day off, didn’t you?” He had mentioned it to Scott. Greg nodded. “So, we are going on a day trip. You have 10 minutes to get upstairs, take a quick shower and change your clothes, Tessa is bringing your breakfast.”

When the boy remained still, Scott urged “Move, Greg.”

It was not wise to argue with Scott when his patience was wearing thin. Though he didn't see the point in taking this trip, he was curious about the why. He was back in no time.

“You're in charge of the playlist.” Scott pointed at his phone when he entered the car ”and don't give me that emo shit, I know there's some good country on that thing of yours." Greg rolled his eyes, and Scott ignored him. "All set?"  
"Yes." Tessa was the only one to reply, Mel was still in her own shell.

He noticed something had changed between his coach and Tessa, and the look they exchanged over the rearview mirror was a big step for two people who could barely look at each other not long ago.

Greg knew the real version of their story, mostly because they had started training in Ilderton right in the middle of the ongoing facts. And at first, he had his restrictions about Tessa, but she had helped them so much, and he never witnessed anything different from devotion and care for them. Sara was different, more energetic and blunt, but the two of them were very dedicated to them and if he could dare to say, to Scott.

"The music, Greg."

_Right._

He connected the iPhone through Bluetooth and scrolled down through the hundreds of songs. He chose Ed Sheeran for Mel, and to his surprise, Scott tapped his thumb in the rhythm of the song while Mel didn't even stir.

He and his bad temper had made such a mess. Mel never pointed the finger at him but he internalised the disappointment and frustration with himself in such a way that created a barrier between, he felt almost ashamed.

 

* * *

 

Scott never had a more silent 3-hour drive. Apart from the reasonably good playlist Greg had put on, the tension in the car was almost too thick to breathe.

They found themselves a cute little Mediterranean restaurant on the century-old pavements inside the walls of the old town, and the silent treatment still persisted. Scott let out a loud breath and spoke up "what are you guys up to?”

“Pasta and seafood are big around here,” Tessa mentioned.

“Yeah, I remember, they can serve a mean Calamari risotto.”

Melanie shrugged, “I’m fine with whatever you guys choose.”

Tessa hated to see her so small in comparison to the always energetic girl. But she supposed it was part of the ups and downs of their young career, they would get through it, they just needed a little push in the right direction.

They were gifted with a beautiful day, but she was glad to be wearing a jeans jacket over the thin white shirt. Though it had its charm in the autumn colours, Tessa could only imagine how incredible that place would be in the summer, buzzing with energy and warmth from people on a holiday.

“Enjoy the day off, kids, when we get back to Ilderton you’re going to work hard,” Scott said in a light tone with their table filled with delicious food

“Do you really think it’s worth it? I doubt we can get to the Finals with these scores.”

“Cut the crap Greg, you're fourth in the overall score, you still can make it.”

He let out a humourless laugh, “I ruined it, brilliantly.”

“No you didn’t,” Tessa interfered. “You hit the boards and fell, it happens. How many times did one of us make a mistake like that, Scott?”

Scott sighed, putting down his cutely. He had hoped we would finish his lunch before the heavy talk. “Look, no one ever talks about it, but when we won gold in Vancouver, I was so close of hit the boards in the first 40 seconds of our program, even though by the then, we were in the game for more than 10 years, and no one would ever doubt about our commitment to it."

Tessa remembered it, he was worried about her, and the pain in her shins. She was concerned about not being strong enough to skate a whole program enduring such pain.

“You don’t control the world, Greg." Tessa looked at the young man, looking like a boy playing with the food on his plate. "We can train and prepare as much as we want, but sometimes we, as humans, fail and it’s natural, we are not machines. We have emotions, and they get in the way, cloud our judgment, make us weak in some way and stronger in others. The key is to know how to use it. People expect to see emotions in our routines, it’s part of the sport. If you don’t make the audience, and the judges mostly, feel something, you’re not doing it right.”

By the end of her little speech, Tessa had his eyes on Scott.

“The gold medal is not everything.” Scott said, “If you’re not doing it because you love this sport and because you and your partner share the same goals, there’s no point in it. It takes two to tango, Greg." He was telling this to him, yes, but there was something strong about the way Tessa looked at him and the words they were exchanging indirectly. "You are an ice dancer, not single skaters. in the sport, you don’t exist without one another.”

Sometimes, it extended to their lives off the ice too, Scott thought, keeping his eyes on Tessa.

“And that means sharing every success and failure. You can’t shut down each other, you can’t be ashamed to share your fears as much as you share your dreams,” Tessa replied.

Greg looked at Mel and waited for her to look at him. I’m sorry, was the look he gave her. And she nodded a little.

“When we’re done here, I’ll take care of the check, you can go around as much as you want, just be close to the sea organ thing by 5, ok?”

“Ok,” Greg spoke and rose from her chair extending his hand to her, and she took it. He braced her sideways, and whispered in her ear “I’m sorry,” kissing the side of her head.

She nodded, “let’s take a walk.”

They watched the two of them walk away, hoping they could work their issues before it got worse. Scott turned his head, catching the sight of Tessa under the bright sun, the green in her eyes couldn't be more vivid and clear to him. If their brief exchange of words over Mel and Greg's issue was anything related to their own problems, he knew that look meant her head was working on somethings, a myriad of thoughts transporting her to another place in time.

"Do you think they'll work their things out?" She felt his look on her but kept looking away until they walked out of her field of view.

"They will," Scott said with great conviction, and Tessa was a little surprised. He had such faith in them, it was a part of him, the trust he would put on people. It was scary too.

"Marina never gave us a day off," Tessa mentioned.

"We never wanted one, we've been to Croatia a couple of times over the years and we never even thought about doing this to ourselves."

"No, we didn't."

"Do you wish we had?"

"It wouldn't be us if we took things lighter," Tessa stated. It was a simple fact, they couldn't change who they were.

She was right, Scott thought. But some things should have been different.

 

* * *

 

"Are we good?" Greg asked, being extremely aware of his surroundings.

They sat on the stairs, overlooking the sea and the red sun touching the blue water, the soft waves licked the marble on the stairs, hitting the cavities entailed in the stone structure producing a melodious sound. It was so beautiful, the perfect soundtrack to the majestic sunset before them.

"We are" she replied. "Just, please, don't do this shit, we are in this together, no matter what. You're my partner, and my best friend, Greg, I can't handle being shut off by you."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry."

Mel rolled her eyes, "You apologised enough."

"I'm glad we are here." She laid her head on his shoulder, and he leaned his cheek on the top of her head.

"Me too," if here meant being by her side, he was glad too.

From a distance, Scott observed his athletes, breathing in relief to the sight, everything was fine.

To a certain point, he was starting to realise he had done a number on them, especially on Greg. His own thirst for the high scores and a gold medal rubbed on him to a point it was not healthy anymore. The boy was more susceptible to Scott's humour since he looked up to him and deep down, had too many insecurities and scares for such a young man.

When he saw the look on his face that morning, he recognised it in an instant. It was a mix of looking in the mirror and reaching for old memories, and he might not have the strength to do it for his past self, but for the love he had for those two, he would do something for them, anything.

They had to remember why they were doing it, and though as athletes they would overanalyse everything to be better, there was no point in doing it if they were not true to their dreams, their most secret wishes and to their partner.

"You did good bringing them here." He heard Tessa by his side. They were sitting on the stairs a couple of meters away from the young couple, but different from them, there was a considerable distance between Tessa and Scott, something comfortable enough for two people who were trying to figure out how to act around one another.

Scott had been living in a constant battle between wanting to pull her closer and pushing her away, but recently, it was more challenging to do the second.

"Yes, today was better than a whole week of training, they needed it."

"You're good coach Scott."

He tilted his head slightly, where did it come from? "Thanks."

"Thanks for the help, it was important for them to hear what we both had to say, and you are still this excellent successful skater to them, while I'm their annoying coach telling them what to do.

Tessa let out a good laugh "what did I say?"

"I'm not even a skater anymore, Scott."

"Mel grew up watching you when I met her she couldn't shut up about how awesome you were."

"The poor girl."

"You moulded a whole generation, Tessa."

"It takes two to tango, Scott. If I had any success in my career as I skater it as a fruit of our partnership."

After his own speech that afternoon, how could he deny it? "I guess you're right."

"I am."

 _Today_ he had been a good coach. Today he had looked at his team, and he had seen them as individuals and not a hope for his own frustrations and unfulfilled dreams.

He had to admit it was because of her; because she had shaken up his world again to a point some things were clearer now.

If he had any doubts about their capacity to work together in the present, they just did. And they had been doing it for quite some time now without noticing. Whenever their creative ideas meet, it brought to the surface their second nature: their synchronicity and how they completed each other.

Scott could close his eyes and pretend it was not there, but in the end, it was clear as the crystal blue water before him.

Tessa was his partner, and somehow, she would always be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> If you read it, thanks for sticking up for this fic even tho I'm terrible at keeping up with my self-imposed update schedule lol 
> 
> I quite like Mel and Greg and it's important for the story and future events to know a bit of their dynamic and how it relates to TS, I hope you've liked this. Next chapter we'll be back to Ilderton and it will be a bit about the Sara x Scott relationship if anyone is interested in what's the deal between them. Anyway, thanks SO much for reading and leaving your comments, you're the best! I'd love to hear what you have to say about this chap too :) 
> 
> I hope you all have a great weekend xx
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh


	12. Let it be me

"Thanks for doing it, Tessa," Cara said when the last duo left the room, and there was only Mel left, helping to tidy up.

"No problem, I'm happy to help." She genuinely smiled.

Scott's cousin was a very constant presence around the rink, and though she had managed to miss Alma and Carol around, Cara didn't shy away. Her straightforward personality didn't feather and the first time they had met, she made sure Tessa knew how sad and pissed she was when Tessa left and at the same time, how happy she was to have her back into their lives.

They were used by now to see each other often and even share the ice during training, so when Cara asked if she could do a workshop for the novice teams, she quickly jumped into it.

"Mel, leave it, I'll tidy the room on Monday. It's Saturday, you must have something better to do."

"Nah, it's fine." She had volunteered to help Tessa to have an opportunity to be close, and learn everything she could. Tessa still felt a little off by the admiration she saw in Mel's eyes.

"Go, Cara, I'll make sure Mel get out and leave the room clean."

"Thanks, appreciate.”

Tessa walked to where Mel was putting back the chairs they had pushed to a side to open space in the large room for the skaters.

"Thanks for the help today."

"Anytime." Her hair was up in a ponytail, and she wore a pair of leggings and a tank top under the sheer black shirt. She had just turned 17, and she was still so young.

“I was wondering, Sara and I are going to take a look at new costumes the additions I did to the adagio and tango program, do you want to come over? I'd love your input."

Tessa had to go look at the flats she had selected that afternoon, but she was more than willing to accompany Mel. “Sounds good.”

"Great." Tessa heard the excitement in her voice.

While she waited for Mel, who was taking longer than usual, Tessa leaned against the front desk at Ilderton scrolling down through the pictures in her phone of the flats she was going to see in the following week. She had a few good options, it was in London, but not too far from Ilderton.

She slid her thumb up, always going back to that same flat. It was a semi furnished, with lots of natural night in every room, especially in the living room. Maybe she could-.  
  
"Miss," a little voice interrupted her thoughts. "Do you know where Mr Scott is?"

Tessa looked down to see a blond and lean boy. He was probably one of the kids from the younger programs. “Hi!” Tessa got to his eye level, ”I think-"

"Scott" Tessa heard the little boy before she saw him darting across the hall and turned around to follow his moves.

Indeed there was Scott with his usual black jacket with a red maple leaf over his heart.

"Hey, Johnny boy!” Scott threw the boy over his shoulder and held him upside down by the calves, earnings a fistful of giggles from him. He was not a small boy, but Tessa figured the daily gym sessions did its job.

"Easy there, Scott, he just had lunch," Sara walked from behind Tessa.

"No!" He protested.

"John,” Sara gave him a look.

"Your mom is the boss, sorry buddy."

Scott put him down, but John kept close to him and reached to brush a hand over his blonde hair.

"Boy, you need a haircut."

"He said he'll let it grow like Greg's." Sara rolled her eyes.

"Greg is cool."

"You're too," Scott made sure he knew.

"Did you introduced yourself properly to Miss Tessa, John?"

Scott looked up, realising she had been there this entire time. From a distance, they shared a silent greeting and the boy walked in small steps and stuck a hand out "Hi Miss Tessa, I'm John Anderson."

Tessa shook his hand, "Hi John, I'm Tessa."

"Nice to meet you miss," he said, politely.

Of course. Now Tessa saw that his eyes had the same blue tone as Sara's and the resemblance between them, the heart-shaped mouth and perfectly pointy nose, was remarkable. John looked back at his mom, who nodded in approval and he saw it as a clear sign from her; he had done his job.

He walked back to Scott, looking eagerly up to him. "what we will do today?"

"Well, first we'll deliver some packages to uncle Paul and help him organise the stock," John's face fell a bit. "And then, if your mom let you," he added, looking at Sara, "we can go to my house to play video games and eat pizza later."

"Can we mom, please?"  
Sara looked at Scott. You are making it difficult for me, dude. He just shrugged and said: "You can meet us at my place, we'll wait for you to eat."

"Please, mommy."

Oh, he used the "mommy”; at 7 years old, it was only used to lure her - and it worked 99% of the time.

"Ok, fine, just make sure you have spiced pepperoni delivered when I get there, and the video game on" She pointed a finger between them "you two are going down."

"You can't play video games, you are a girl."

"Girls can play too, John," Scott said.

"You are just afraid because you know I can beat you in any game with one eye closed."

John huffed, and Scott gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, his young pride would survive.

Tessa felt like a voyeur looking at the scene before her. They looked so good together. She had no idea Sara had a son, and still, the mom title fitted her. Her smile was brighter, and the love in her eyes screamed loud. Scott himself treated the boy with so much warmth. Tessa remembered seeing him many times with his nephews in the past, but it was different; the care and the affection were special. He had never hidden the fact he wanted a family; it was a consequence of the way Scott was raised and the love he was given. There was a time when people looked at her and believed she was the one to him, that she was going to be the mother of his child.

"Hey, Johnny" Mel joined them, ruffling his hair. He hated when people did that, but Mel could do anything to him. Sara was sure one of the reasons he wanted to be like Greg it was because he was Mel's partner.

"Hi." His cheeks assumed a rosy tone "you look pretty, Mel."

She was wearing a dress and black tights with ballet flats, John's mom noticed too.

"Why thank you," she kissed his cheek and his face split in half with a huge grin.

"Come on, Don Juan, uncle Jim is waiting for us.”

John kissed his mom goodbye, and Sara looked at Mel. “Are you ready?”

“Yes. I asked Tessa to come with us, is that ok?”

“Sure.” Sara looked at Tessa with the car keys in her hand, “can we go now?”

Tessa nodded, “I think I’ll take my car, I have an appointment later to see a couple of flats.” Tessa held the strip of her purse tighter, trying her best to not show the whirl of emotions assaulting her.  
  
“Ok," Sara didn't need to ask if Tessa knew where the atelier was, Mrs Lewis had done hers and Scott's costumes for practically their whole career.

 

* * *

 

 _I just need a couple of minutes_ , Tessa said to herself when she sat in the warmth of her car.

An image she had come to the surface; After the more significant part of his anger had softened back in August, at the same time he looked at her with resentment and traces of bitterness, he searched in Sara's eyes the stability he needed. She had become his anchor now. The way he looked at her and the meaningfulness of it, hurt more than Tessa could ever predict.

In order to do her job and find her place there, she had pushed the questions towards Sara and Scott's relationship outside of the rink to a very distant place in her brain. She had absolutely no right to question it or feel the jealousy she did every time she witnessed a caring touch or an exchange of looks that could only be a consequence of a relationship more intimate than coaching partners, or even friends.

Sara was capable of giving him peace and the dreams he longed for.

Tessa leaned her head on the backrest of the driver's seat and took deep breaths to find a balance despite how shaken up she was; Tessa had said to Mel she would help her with her costumes, and she wouldn't let her down.

 

* * *

 

"What do you think?" Mel twirled back and forth, feeling the flowy skirts brushing her thigs softly. The deep blue colour looked so good against her very pale skin and the deep neckline added to the femininity of it. If was for her free dance, the Adagio program.

"I really like it," Sara answered. She leaned back to the large table with various pieces of fabrics and crossed her arms, analysing every aspect of the costume.

"Tessa?" Mel looked at her.

"You look beautiful." She said with all her heart. Tessa was making a tremendous effort to concentrate at the moment.

"I feel beautiful." Mel slid her hand over the soft fabric, wondering what about what Greg would think about it.

"We still need to add the sparkle, do you know where you want it?" Mrs Lewis asked.

She was in her sixties, and Tessa didn't see any change over the years. She still wore her very well cared grey hairs in the same length ending just above her chin and thick black glasses framing her brown eyes. There was a bright yellow pin cushion on her left wrist, and a measurement tape draped around her neck.

"We could go around the back, down the straps and father out from under the breasts?"

"You could add some gold beads, a very simple detail but something different from the silver and blue combo," Tessa suggested, and Mrs Lewis smiled, the girl always had good ideas.

"I love it!"

"It would be nice, yeah." Sara agreed easily and felt Tessa looking at her, she kept her eyes on Mel. "Put your tango dress on."

"Ok!" She got back into the changing area and changed into her black costume.

This was was practically ready. It had a sweetheart neckline bodice over the sheer black mesh and a bold slit beginning in her upper tight, and she loved it. It made her feel sassy and powerful, much like the music they had chosen for their Tango Romantica.

They had considered Carmen; however, they voted against it in the name of the sanity of their coach. Instead, they chose the modern Tango from the movie Shall We Dance.

Always the purist when it came to music, Greg had scrunched his nose to the suggestion, but once he listened to it, he felt it. The instrumental version made him rise to his feet and to grab her hand to lead her around her aunt's crowded living room.

"Gorgeous," Sara approved. "We should do a rehearsal next week with it to see if there need to be made any adjustments, before the Sectionals competition."

Mel nodded. "It's better than I envisioned, thank you, Mrs Lewis."

"My pleasure, girl." She winked at Mel.

 

* * *

 

On her way out of the two-storey building, Mel never raised her head; her thumbs were typing vigorously into the phone, and she had a sweet smile on her face - the kind of smile a girl had when she was flirting.

"Do you want a ride home, Mel?" Scott lived just past her aunt's house.

"Oh, no, a friend will come to pick me, we are having milkshakes and burgers tonight, it's 'cheat day', right?" She grinned.

"Right." Sara looked suspiciously. "Take care, Mel. See you on Monday."

They said their goodbyes and both women walked side by side until they reached the street behind the building. Sara was genuinely uncomfortable with the heavy silence between them.

"Do you have a couple of minutes? We should talk."

Tessa looked at her and considered. "I do," she said at last.

They found themselves a cafe around the corner and got a drink each. Tessa chose camomile tea for herself, she was not in the mood for anything, but it was good to have something to do with her quivery hands.

"I get the feeling you misunderstood a couple of aspects of mine and Scott's relationship."

"Sara, this's none of my business."

"No, it's not. But I'd be a fool if I didn't expect at least a spark between you two. Tessa, you are right when you say our relationship is none of your business, but it's all mixed together at some level. When I asked your help I knew I didn't need only the choreographer Tessa, I needed you, the woman that had a history with my coach partner.”

Sara saw the question in her eyes, and she knew it would hurt, but Tessa needed all the information at her disposal to decide what she should do with it.

“We are not a couple, but we were for some time. That was when I realised Scott would never be able to live a full life until he solved all the frustration and resentment towards how you two parted."

Sara took a deliberate long sip of her tea before starting, "My ex should be watching John this afternoon, he's Charlie's colleague at the fire department and he had to cover for one of the boys, so I asked Scott if John could stick around the rink while Mel and I went to the costume fitting. John is great, but I don't think it would be wise to take him with us. John really likes Scott, and he is amazing with kids."

"He had always been."

"I've heard." Sara gave her a small smile and finished her teacup.

“Can I ask you how you started to work at Ilderton?”

“Do you want the long version or the short one?”

“We have time.”

Sara leaned forward, playing with the plastic coffee stirrer. “I met the Moirs when I first moved to London in 2013, I was still married to Collin by then, and we decided to come here so he could have a better job and fulfilling his dreams. John was barely 2 years old, and I was a full-time mom by then. I met Scott at Ilderton when you were still training for the Olympics.” Tessa was still in his life, they were still in Canton. It was a whole other world. “I’ve watched from a distance all the pain you both went through, and I have to say, I’m very sorry for what happened, Tessa.”

Tessa nodded “Thanks.”

“I had a very brief career as an ice dancer when I was younger, but my partner and I never went beyond the junior level. Now I can see we aren’t a match and possibly our coach was not the right for us either.” She simply stated a fact, there were no hurt feelings. It was a long time ago. “But I’ve always loved the sport, and I made a habit of going to Ilderton as much as I could, I like to be around the Moirs, the quickly became such good friends to us and I had no one here apart from John and Collin, my ex.”  
  
They were indeed the best people Tessa knew, and she hadn’t met anyone with a bigger heart than Alma and Joe Moir.

“When you came back here, Scott started to go to the rink often, and we’d met a couple of times casually. He was helping Alma a lot at the time.” Tessa remembered, just as she recalled the many times he invited her to go to the rink with her, and she had said no. Would she had met Sara then? Would she have felt the same fierce protective feeling she felt when she saw them together earlier?

“He talked about you, you know? He gravitated around you and the relationship you had. I was at the rink when you had your first discussion. I didn’t know at the time you were arguing, but I could tell by how powerful your emotions were that it was about you. And I’m not telling this to hurt you, though I’m was really pissed when you left a couple of weeks ago. But I want you to understand where this is coming from and the respect I have for your history with him.”

Tessa felt the burn of anticipation, she knew where this was going and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear the rest, but she needed to.

“I don’t need to tell you about what happened when you left, but that was when I started to help out Alma. Scott was a complicated person to deal with in the following your departure and Alma had got used to him assisting her, she was getting tired of the routine at the rink, it was becoming too much. She asked me one day if I didn’t want to help out the infant classes, I was once an Ice dancer, I knew how to skate, and I was a mom, I knew how to deal with kids. I jumped into the offer because I had fallen in love for skating all over again and for Ilderton. Collin and I were having problems with it was my happy place. Soon it became John’s too.”

“Ilderton has something really special.”

“It does.” She nodded. ”And then Mel and Greg came in.” She smiled softly, she loved those kids. “I knew that different from my career in ice dance, they were a perfect match, in all their differences. And I wanted to be their coach. I’ve worked so hard in the following months until I felt prepared to step in and offer Alma to help her with them. By this time, Scott was giving her so much trouble that she easily accepted and Carol and I teamed up to work with them and it was amazing. I love to be a mom, don’t get me wrong. But it’s so incredibly fulfilling to be able to help others to achieve their dreams.”

Tessa knew very well what she was talking about, to inspire and to actually help others to be their best was something extraordinary.  
  
"Thank you for telling me this."

"You're welcome. It means I'm trusting you a very dear person to me, don't mess with him again, Tessa."

"I won't" She promised.

 

* * *

 

“Your mom is here, John,” Scott said, walking back to the living room where they had been playing video games. John murmured, not interested.  
Sara dropped a loud kiss on this head and sat between her son and the armrest, making him move to the side not so willing.

“Mom!” he protested.

“Scoot over, boy, I wanna play.”

She was never one to like this kind of games, but having a son made her learn to do it. And due to her competitive nature, she took it very seriously. Most, it was a boys things, something she would let John do either with his father or Scott, but she quite enjoyed now. Her profile on Need for speed at Scott’s Xbox had quite a score. She got the control Scott had left on the centre table when he went to answer the door and quickly programmed her usual player into the next race. She had a reputation to keep.

“I’ll order the pizza.”

“Thanks,” Sara said, flashing an easy smile his way.

He might not have noticed, but always present lines of worry around his eyes had softened up. He wasn’t a threatened wild animal ready to attack anymore.

Sara had gone through all his mood swings for four years, and she endured it all to a certain point. The number of times she ignored his childish behaviour and thanked God that her 7 years old son was not half as difficult as her partner…

But she had managed, until Pyeongchang.

She still had no idea about what really happened, but he had vanished from Ilderton for a whole week, and when he came back he wore a thick and impenetrable dark skin. Added to the fact Scott was feeling like shit because he wasn't being the coach Mel and Greg needed him to be, it was impossible to be anywhere near him.

She was team Scott per se, which made her consider very carefully the idea of going after Tessa. But when Mel and Greg decided they wanted to continue in Ilderton, also because she was Team Scott, she knew it was the only way to reach him out of this dark place he had buried himself into before it was too late.  
  
She and Collin got divorced in December of 2014, they have never had a fight or a significant issue, he was her first love and continued to be the best father to my son, and she would always love him for that. But as a couple, they were two great friends, and it wasn’t enough for her. She never thought about going back to her hometown because Ilderton had become her home and she wasn’t going to separate John and Collin, both would suffer a great deal. It didn’t make sense. By December, Scott was going back to Ilderton, and he also had an eye for Mel and Greg, it was something they had in common to start with.

They started as friends, as two attractive and single adults, they slowly navigated towards a very physical and satisfying relationship. They knew what they were doing and where they were getting into. For a whole year, the moment they stepped at Ilderton, they never looked at each other as anything other than coaching partners. Sara never involved John in their relationship because deep down, she knew they had no future. Which didn’t prevent her from falling in love with Scott Moir. Under that protective layer of stiffness, there was a man with a great heart and the best intentions.

She was ok with fooling herself for the superb sex and good company, until that one night when he was buried deep inside of her, looking right past her eyes when she said the other woman’s name. She really liked Scott, but she loved herself more.

In the dark, she had silently put her clothes on and left him. He never went after her, and they never talked about it again.

"Mom, are you playing or not?"

"Of course I am!" She turned her attention to the one true love of her life. "Prepare to get annihilated, baby."

 

* * *

 

Tessa wasn't a hypocrite to think Scott didn't have anyone for 4 years. She had had Luc and it was her idea to stay away so both of them could move on with their lives, wasn't it? She was not strong enough to keep away forever.

Sneaking into her mom's house, Tessa locked herself in her room, mourning over the confusing feelings. On the surface, she posed as she was coming back for disclosure, and to find some peace in helping out Scott. But Tessa didn't need to think too hard to know she had expectations. To know she never had for Luc the passion she had for Scott.

They had been right to each other for the moment, but they could have been great if she loved him as much as he loved her.

One could love more than one person in their life, and it would never be the same.

Love; what a strange and complex word.

When Tessa was 7 years old, she was introduced to love. He was an outgoing boy, very stubborn and dedicated. He held her hand for the first time, and she felt her cheeks become red as a Canadian flag. And from that moment on, he never let her go, even when he did; even when they fought and pushed each other away for a number of reasons.

Love came in all shapes and sizes; it could be light as a soft spring breeze or as powerful and passionate as the Carmem tango. And it could be both at the same time. They never found a balance in their romance, it was all tangled together in the rumpled sheets of their bed; on one side, their career, in the other, their feelings for one another.

To a point, she loved Luc, she liked the person she was with him, and they had so many things in common, It was easy, more towards the spring breeze. But once she had a taste of the other end, it was impossible to not crave.

And a love like this would never vanish. It could be put to sleep and secured in a warm place deep down where one would keep their most treasured memories and secrets, but it only took the smallest spark to ascend and demand it’s rightful place, tromping the beating heart in the most powerful and erratic rhythm.

It could hurt; it would burn to be reminded of what life took away. But then it would bring peace and a sense of belonging at the slightest flash of hope.

Tessa found it when they started to look in each other’s eyes again working together in Croatia, and she held dearly to the moment when Scott saw her again, with her scars and her flaws. She was determined to not hide away anymore because it was the only way to gain his trust back and make him believe she was not going anywhere.

After living a life without him, she discovered Paris was not her favourite place in the world, he was. Tessa desperately wanted to see the hope she had sparkled to flourish, and maybe become a second chance for them. She had to trust in their love; their love history had not reached an end yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I managed to update again within a week! 
> 
> Not much of Scott in this chapter, not directly at least, but Tessa needed to know what happened between him and Sara. 
> 
> I hope you've liked it, or at least understood what I was trying to do with this. And I really look forward to what you have to say about this, either good or bad, I can take it lol
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving your comments, I love reading them and they truly give me the will to write. 
> 
> Maybe I'll have another update for you next weekend (fingers crossed) and it will feature a good amount of S and T :)
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: Claire_smh


	13. To build a home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is to @Mila_ZVM for her birthday and to Cate (I hope this gives you a moment of entertainment, dude). And Thank you to the awesome @eversincenewyork for your inputs about this!

On a Friday night, The Underdog was always buzzing with energy. People would get out of their offices and meet their friends around a table to share a beer and the tales from a week at work, telling each other about that annoying work colleague or even what their kids accomplished lately.

Scott sat by the bar alone, overhearing the guy behind him talking about the war prank his son had with a friend. He could hear the hint of proud in the father’s voice and chuckled himself when the man told the final event that got the kid suspended.

Those were good days, uncomplicated days, Scott thought.

He didn’t have normal teenage years with all the training and dedication to ice dance, but he still had his fair share of boyish play. And Scott made sure he passed along some of his knowledge to his nephews, even though they were still too young to understand most of it - he had to start early.

"Hey dude,” Tyler appeared in front of him, balancing six empty pints in his hands. “Long time no see.” He sat the glasses in the counter and bumped fists with Scott.

"Yeah, the season started.” Scott watched him filling the pints one by one, with the expertise of someone who did it every day for years.

"Of course." He was happy he was not a regular anymore. Scott used to drink his sorrows to a really low point. Tyler poured him a beer and placed in the counter in front of him before he sent the other glasses. "Where's Danny?"

"He's with his kids." Charlie too, they both had families to take care of. He sipped on his beer, enjoying how the cold brew poured down his throat.

“When are _you_ going to settle down?”

Scott snickered “I don’t see it happening anytime soon.”

“Come on, pick a girl in this bar and go make some babies.”

“You’re lucky Rose is not around to hear you saying this.”  
His friend shrugged in response, “she would tell you she was the one who picked me in this bar, and we made a hell of a cute baby.”

True. Besides, Rose had Tyler by the balls, she quickly put a thick gold band on his left hand to send a message to all the girls that could try to hit on him. He would always brush them with charm and a polite smile on his face whenever it happened, or Rose would purposely mark her territory when she was around. That incredibly beautiful woman could kill anyone with a single stare.

“So, you and Tessa sorted your shit out already?” Tyler got a bottle of water from under the counter and took a large gulp; when things winded down a bit, he would serve himself a well-deserved pint.

“Things are better,” Scott rolled around the glass, watching the last sip of beer swinging at the bottom before he drowned it.

“Thank fucking God,” He didn’t know her personally, but after meeting Scott on the night of Tessa’s surgery, he learned all about their story in the last 4 years. And drunk Scott whined a lot too.

He served him another pint. “This one is on the house, kudos for not being such an ass anymore.” Tyler joked.

“Cheers” He replied sarcastically. Such a strong-headed man.

“Hey, Tyler,” One of the college kids who worked on Fridays called from across the counter. “There’s a problem in the fridge downstairs.” He pointed a thumb to his back

“Coming.” He turned to Scott. “Duty calls. See you later, man.”

Scott nodded and raised his glass. “Thanks for the free beer.”

“Anytime.”

When he was left alone, Scott looked around and indeed there were many beautiful women around. He met a familiar pair of eyes, and the brunet woman smiled at him. He forced himself to do the same. With a short nod, he acknowledged her and she saw it as an opportunity to approach him.

“Hey, Scott,” Chloe, was her name. She was a math teacher at Medway High School.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“Good, and you? It's been awhile.”

“Season started.” He stated.

“I’ve heard, your teams are doing great,”

No, they were not, and she probably just wanted to make conversation. “We are getting there. In fact, we have a competition tomorrow, I should get going.”

He saw the disappointment in her pretty green eyes and almost felt guilty for nurturing her hopes once, not too long ago. It was always casual for him, and when things started getting too serious, he would move on.

“Right, of course.”

“It was good to see you, Chloe. Take care.”

“You too, Scott.”

Scott left the noise behind and walked in the cold air with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans and the puffy coat shielding his chest from the wind. He got to his car and saw a box in the back seat. “Shit,” he mumbled.

It was some paperwork his mom needed for a meeting at the town council on Monday. Scott should have dropped at her house when he left the rink earlier, but he forgot completely. It was still early, though, he could drop it by her house on his way home. He was leaving early in the morning for the sectionals, and he would stay away for the weekend.

Scott parked in front of his parent’s house and gathered the file box from the back seat, walking through the patio pathway under the yellowish light he had changed for her in the week before - his father was happy to let him do all the dirty work nowadays.

As he approached the door leading to the kitchen, he heard the loud voice of his older brother: “Mom, I can’t believe you’re supporting this nonsense.”

“Charlie, you have to understand my point here.” He heard his mom replying.

“The hell with it.”

“Don’t be a child, Charlie, and I’m still your mother, a little respect is always needed.”

“Sorry, but-”

Scott pushed the door, and three sets of eyes fell on him “Hello?”

Joe Moir was sitting by the table, in the middle of the crossed fire. Alma stood in one side of the kitchen and Charlie was across from her.

“What’s going on here?” Scott laid the box in the breakfast table and crossed his arms

Charlie let out a frustrated sigh, “nothing.”

“This doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I just came over to get the invitations to the dinner.” He shook the envelope with his name on it. Right, the fundraiser, Scott thought, still not convinced. “And now that I have it, I should go back home.”

He kissed his mom’s cheek, and she hugged him, whispering something in his ear. “Fine,” Scott saw him mumbling before he went to his father to give him a hug.

“Good night, Scott.” He patted his back on his way out and never gave him a proper look.

“What was that about?” He saw a big fat lie coming from his mom’s lips. “And don’t say it was about those tickets.”

“It was,” she sighed, slipping to the closest chair. She exchanged a look with Joe, and he picked from where she left.

“Charlie is worried about Tessa being back to your life. He had been for some time now.”

“He could have come to me about it. You guys have nothing to do with it.”

“We are family, Scott. We worry about each other. And you haven’t been around each other much.” Joe explained. He knew Charlie’s and Scott relationship had suffered in the past years,

Charlie didn’t agree with some of his younger brother’s actions.

“I’m really sorry, I’m trying, ok?”

“We know,” Alma said. “We know, Scott.”

And she believed in him too, because she saw the slow and progressive change in him since Tessa came back. She feared for him before Montreal - Alma doubt he could survive being left by her a second time, but when they came back, and Sara told her Tessa was there for them, it fed her hopes of seeing everything back into its rightful place again.

 

* * *

 

Tessa needed a home for herself, somewhere she could start to build new memories, get the old boxes out and take the dust off her past to come to terms with it; treasure the good things and be able to look at the bad and learn from her mistakes.

When she entered that flat, she knew it was it.

All the natural light coming from the wide windows in the living room made her want to wake up to a cup of coffee and get cosy in a soft chair to bath in the morning sunlight.

And she walked through each room with minimal furniture, Tessa could picture a place for her most precious belongings

As soon as she got everything ready, she had the place filled with tons of box to unpack and things to put in place.

Her belongings from Vancouver had been delivered a couple of days earlier, and she had a huge debt with Annie, a friend from there, who promptly offered herself to pack everything and send to London.

The things she had left behind fit in three large, and it said a lot about how she lived the past four years of her life, like she was always on the run, not seeking to cement any roots.

What she left in her London house, her mom and Jordan had packed and put in the storage. Some things didn't fit in her life anymore, others were timeless treasures that materialised memories and feelings.

Every box was labelled due to her mom's own organising habits, except one. The Vancouver Box, she discovered when she opened it.

Her medal was carefully placed in the case and the small stuffed animal from the podium set on top. At the very bottom, below the tickets to the hockey game she and Scott had attended and a bunch of other small bits there was the picture of her and Scott who belonged in the living room of her home.

She heard a knock on the door and put the picture back into the box. "It's open, mom" Tessa spoke aloud.

"Hi, Tessa."

_Alma._

She raised her head quickly, and indeed there was Alma Moir in the entrance of her new living room among piles of boxes.

"Alma, hi." She rose to her feet, stumbling on the box in front of her.

Alma looked at the familiar face and crossed her arms casually to suppress the urge to touch her; to gather her in a hug that she wished Tessa had sought a long time ago. She should feel anything but the unwavering affection she had for that girl. Cara had told her Tessa was looking for a place to rent and she knew exactly what suited her. And by seeing the woman standing in the middle of the living room by the afternoon sunlight, wearing some comfy clothes and looking as fresh and young as when she was a child, she knew it was indeed just right for her.

"I met your mom at the market, and she told me you moved here. I'm sorry for coming without a notice." She could be impulsive too and guided by her mushy heart.

Tessa shook her head "It's ok." She looked around, considering which boxes would be easier to move to make room for her to sit. "Things are a bit messy here." She walked quickly to the cream coloured sofa and carefully put the small box with the porcelain she inherited from her grandmother on the floor. "Please, sit."

"Don't trouble yourself, I just came to drop this." She dipped a hand into her black purse and took an envelope from there, Tessa spotted her name written in Alma's elegant cursive writing. "These are the invitations for the event we are doing. The fire department and the rink came together to raise money for charity over Christmas."

"That's very kind of you, you didn't need to. Thank you."

"You're part of the team now, aren't you?"

"I guess I am."

She gave a short nod. "I'll let you go back to your things."

When Alma made a move to turn around, Tessa forgot the envelope in her hands.

"Wait."

Alma Looked back at her.

"I-Uh..." She took a deep breath. "I need to apologise to you."

"I didn't come here for this, Tessa. I should have left you the envelope at the rink, I respect the fact you've made your schedule to prevent any contact. But I wanted to make sure you knew this is not just a formality."

Tessa shook her head, the ponytail on top of her head bouncing from one side to the other. "It's not right, I owe you an explanation. "

"That's where you've mistaken yourself, you never owned me a thing."

It disarmed her, she expected some demanding. But this was Alma. The heartfelt words had a touch of sorrow and frustration, but no anger.

"I didn't want to disappoint you too," Tessa whispered.

"You only disappointed me when you thought I cared about anything other than your well being. I wish you had trusted me enough to share what was going on."

"I did, you-" she interrupted her stupor. Tessa took a pause to unscramble the words in her brain. Be rational, she demanded herself. "Scott is your son, Alma. I didn't want to put you in a difficult position."

"And you were very much like a daughter to me."

Tessa leaned against the back of the sofa, to support her weak legs. She looked down as a guilty child would.

Alma took a step forward and reached out a hand to cover Tessa's nervous fingers brushing the corners of the white paper. Tessa looked up at Alma, surprised by the soft contact.

"But this doesn't mean you ever owned me anything, do you understand it?" She insisted.

"I didn't want to disappoint you, I wanted to make you proud." Besides seeing Alma as a motherly figure for herself, there would always be Tessa's need of approval as Scott's mom while she occupied the position of his lover.

"And you did, countless times. Yes, I was hurt when you left, and I was angry too at you and Scott, and even at myself," Alma added. "I saw it coming. I saw the way Scott was pushing you towards his expectation and already-made plans."

Tessa listened attentively.

"I tried to talk to him countless times, but he didn't listen. Then you left. And it all crumbled down. I barely had time to feel sorry for myself because being Scott's mom, I had to pick his pieces up first so I could scowl at him later. To be honest, I never did the second part; I have a weak heart. But I'm a fair woman, Tessa. I was hurt when you left because I felt I failed you, I could have helped, but you didn't let me. When you didn't come back month after month, I swear I wanted to drag you back here by your ears, but I couldn't leave Scott alone. I lived in constant fear of losing him forever."

"I'm sorry."

"If you're apologising, for leaving and taking 4 years to come back, I accept that. I understand in part why you had to do it. And I know how much you must have suffered alone with your choice. But if you're saying sorry for not being able to hold yourself together, I don't want it, Tessa. I just wanted you to be happy. I supported your career because I saw how it made you two happy. The moment it became a burden for either of you, my focus was solely on how to help you find a happy place again. That's what mothers do. We just want to see our kids happy, and you _are_ one of mine."

She was not ready for that amount of love and understanding from Alma. Or to the fact that she opened her arms to Tessa and let her crawl into her embrace. They both needed it, for so long.

Tessa kept saying "I'm sorry" over and over again as tears stream down her face freely.

"It's ok, my girl. It's ok now." She rubbed small circles on her back and leaned her cheek on the top of her head. Alma was a short woman, but Tessa fitted just right under her chin from her half sitting position against the sofa.

"This is your home, it always has been. Stop hiding at the rink, live a little. You deserve to be happy. You and Scott caused so much pain at each other. Your timing was awful, and everything got mixed together.

She wanted to tell Tessa that Scott still loved her, but she had intruded enough and it wasn't her place to tell. Besides, Tessa had to work for it.

"I have faith you two will figure it out."

Tessa nodded against her shoulder. 

 

* * *

 

They did it. They fucking did it.

Scott didn't need the scores to know they had skated close to perfection in comparison to what they had done so far. They poured their hearts and souls into that 3 minutes, and it showed.

There was nothing like that kind of synchronicity when two people understood each other and fought for the same goals, for the same reasons.

The bright grin spread over Scott's face when the music ended and he punched the boards “yes!”

He looked to his left where Sara was in the stands with the novice teams and two other Juniors. They nodded at each other with enthusiasm.

No, it wasn't an international competition. It wasn't the nationals, but in that small sectional competition, they had found their rhythm and their understanding.

Scott was happy enough with the smile on their faces when they exited the ice.

“Did you see that?” Mel hugged Scott.

“I did. Well done you two.” He clasped Greg on the back.

“It felt good. Really good.” The young man said.

“I know.” He was aware of that incredible feeling. “That's the spirit.”

They had their first gold of the season, and they celebrated as if they had won the nationals.

“You should tell Tessa.” Sara bumped shoulders with Scott when the four of them got together after the scores.

Scott nodded "You are right, I'm gonna text her." And excused himself.

He started typing a text, he deleted the message and typed again.

_They won gold._

Should he put an exclamation point at the end? And send the score?

He was awful at this texting thing

 

* * *

 

Tessa was still shaken after her conversation with Alma. She threw a coat over her sweats and put her sneakers on to leave the flat. The tip of her nose was Rudolf-red, and her eyes were quite puffy, but she couldn't care less. Tucking her hands deep in her pockets, she started walking down the street without a destination. Maybe she could grab a cup of chamomile tea in her local coffee shop.

Eating was out of the question, her stomach felt queasy and she wasn't hungry at all.

She felt the phone in her pocket vibrating and got it out. Scott's name was flashing on the screen.

"Scott?" She answered him, the surprise was very loud in her tone.

"Hi Tessa," he started. "The competition is over."

How could she forget? "How did they go?" Tessa asked, anxious for the results.

"They won gold. They did it." He paused. "We did it."

A broad smile spread over her face.

_They did it._

_We did it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Sorry for taking almost a month to update, but either way, I hope you liked this :)
> 
> Thanks for reading and for your lovely comments! 
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: Claire_smh


	14. You're not too late

  
"Tessa," the rasping sound of the man’s voice and the way he uttered her name like a prayer was something she would never forget. Tessa rose to her feet turned around to meet Luc's handsome face.

"Hi," she smiled tentatively. They stood a couple of steps from each other, and none of them made a move to do a polite handshake or any casual greeting involving touching.

Luc took the seat across from her on the small table for two - it as sensible of Tessa to have chosen a different table from their usual there. They could have chosen a different place too, but this was close to his office, convenient, just as the majority of their relationship.

"How are you doing?"

"Good. And you?" It had been months since he left London, but it could have been just yesterday; the annoying burn when he set eyes on her was still the same.

"I'm fine." And she looked fine too. Over the stiff shoulders, there was a more content pair of green eyes, more serene. Tessa was where she had always meant to be, Luc knew.

"I'm glad," he spoke sincerely. “You are here with the skaters?“

"No, they didn't make to the Junior Grand Prix Final.”

"I see. I'm sorry for them, I hope they do better next time.“

“Thanks, they will.” Tessa was sure they were finally finding their own path through the sport.

Tessa got the small jewellery box out of her purse and slid through the table. “I needed to give it back to you.”

“I told you I didn’t want it, Tessa.” Yes, he did, Tessa thought, that day at the airport when she didn’t take the flight to Vancouver with him. But they had talked things through afterwards, and she hoped he would accept it back. She couldn’t keep it.

“I can’t keep it, Luc. It’s not fair.”

“Are you back with Scott?”

“No.” She shook her head. “But I want to, and I’m trying to find my way back to him. I’m sorry, Luc. I really am."

"You said that already. And I get it, Tessa. Since that first day I met you at Amie's, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I've always liked a challenge," he smiled humourless.

Luc looked between her face and the little box between them and paused. He thought about the woman he met in France, slowly trying to collect her pieces after moving away from her home. He knew what he was getting into, and he still was lured to those pretty eyes and mysterious soul, full of turns and twists that got him intrigued and wanting more of that woman.

He got the box and opened the lid. That ring never would fit the Tessa in front of him, maybe it did the one he met in Paris, but the moment he brought her back, she started showing him the woman she really was, her dreams, her insecurities and what she was really passionate about; what moved her. It was not the song she created to, it was the love she had locked inside of her and it was not meant for him. It never was.

"If I hadn't insisted you came back to Canada, maybe we'd have had a chance. I guess I made my own bed."

Maybe he was right, Tessa thought. But in her heart, she knew better. ”We can never know."

"No, we can't." He closed the lid and tucked the box in his pocket.

 

* * *

 

Early in the morning, Tessa stepped in the rink feeling light and with a renewed dose of energy. The weight of the skates in her bag felt familiar now, and that scenario made her wake up in the morning earlier with pleasure and a sense of purpose that made the blood in her veins pump faster.

Scott leaned his shoulder on the opening to the ice and the lights reflecting on the white surface created a sharp contour around his frame.

"Good morning, Tessa," Scott spoke up when she walked to him. Tessa could barely get used to the fact her name rolled off his tongue easily now, and she couldn't hear the heavy bitterness anymore.

“Hey,” She said, looking forward at a third unknown person on the ice, "What's happening?" The girl had a camera over her face as the duo performed their routine.

Scott raised the paper cup to his lips, sipping on the coffee. “The ISU wanted to do a piece on Melanie and Greg after their skate on the sectionals,” Scott explained, sounding a little bitter.

“That's good, isn't it?”

“Good publicity, yes.”

“But?”

“ISU is a pain in the ass. Did you finished your business in Vancouver?" Scott asked casually, looking at her for a second.

"I did," Tessa answered promptly.

"Good."

It was enough for him, to know she had a home here now and whatever she had to do in Vancouver, it was done now.

If someone told Scott back in July that he would stand there, with Tessa Virtue by his side, watching Melanie and Greg taking the ice, he would laugh out loud. But the moment made him realise how much they all had grown and developed in the past few months.

The coach in him overlooked their moves, knowing they breathed in the same rhythm, and their skates glided across the ice with the confidence of two people who knew they had worked hard to achieve a superior level in the sport.

He liked to think his work made a difference after all, but he was fair enough to admit that nothing would be possible if it wasn’t for the two women by his side. Sara had just joined them and stood to his right like she had been doing for almost four years now. She wore strength and determination like no one else.

To his left, Scott felt Tessa struggling to keep her body still when a hand was misplaced or the transition from the spin to the following step sequence looked flawed to perfectionists eyes. She braced her arms, gripping her biceps over the black fitted jacket with the Ilderton skating club logo over her breast.

She was part of the team and wore it proudly.

His former skating partner didn't hide her emotions anymore, not to him. She could still be the strict choreographer and trainer in the presence of any of the younger skaters, but she had an energetic beating heart under her skin and his body was learning to detect those small signs again, waking a sleepy part of his brain with the vast repertory of how to read her.

It was a physical thing, he would tell himself. But nothing of their partnership was ever _just_ physical.

Later when they were all asked to pose for a picture, Scott got to one side, dropping an arm around Greg’s shoulder who pulled Melanie’s body against his tall frame and she curled against him for a second just because she could do it, and she found comfort and reassurance in the smallest touches.

Sara positioned herself on the opposite end to Scott, and the photographer said: “Ready?”

Scott looked to the four of them, “Where’s Tessa?”

“I don’t know, she was here just minutes ago,” Greg replied and Melanie looked around.

“She is right there” The younger girl pointed her head behind them where Tessa was chatting with Cara on the stands. “Team photo, Tessa,” she shouted, “come on.”

Tessa looked at Scott, and he moved his head around, gesturing for her to join them.

“Stand beside Scott, Tessa.” The woman behind the camera said when she approached the group on the ice carefully since she was not on skates.

Of course she wanted them together, Tessa thought. Tessa Virtue was back and she was partnering with Scott Moir again; that picture would worth a lot.

The possibility of Melanie and Greg's career being overshadowed by her story with Scott was unacceptable for her. But before she could protest or make a detour to the other side, Scott raised a hand to rest on her shoulder, to brush across her back from one extremity to another, making her aware of every node of his hand sweeping over the grey sweater as felt herself being drawn to him.

Tessa’s body touched the side of his chest as she felt the heavy arm laying on her shoulder blades, and for a fraction of time, she remembered the dazzling warmth his weight made her feel.

Scott let his body speak its own language and the same hand that held her so many times, over and over again; with gentle; with security; with strength; found its niche on the soft curve below her ribs.

Feeling his hand on her waist paralysed her. She looked at him and he had his eyes on her.

They heard a click, it was not from the camera, it was a wheel turning in the deepest confines of their soul. A touch could ignite a fire or bring everything back to its rightful place. And if it was powerful enough, It could do both at the same time.

“Everyone, look here.”

They moved their eyes forward; everything was done in a 1/60 of a second. In real-time, all that exchange didn't take more than a minute. For them, it took four years.

 

* * *

 

The three Moir boys stood in the corner of the spacious saloon; the older brothers wore the gala firefighters uniform, looking dashing as ever. Scott had matched a blazer and a button-down with fitted trousers and a navy tie. He had attended enough banquettes post competitions to know how to do at least five different knots on a tie with closed eyes.

They had made a silent promise to keep it civil that night, for their mother's sake and Danny constantly found himself mediating the conversation between Charlie and Scott - those two used to be a close unit back in the days and it pained him to see them stepping on eggshells around each other more often than not. They were doing perfectly fine until Charlie wandered his eyes around, distracted.

"I can't believe mom actually did it." He grumbled and the grip on the short glass got tighter.  
"Did what?" Scott followed his gaze, turning to look over his shoulder.

He saw her across the room; among the many familiar faces, she was the most familiar one to him. The one he saw every time he closed his eyes at night, either on good or bad days. The duality of her image had stayed with him for the last 21 years and he doubted she would ever leave his thoughts.

Tessa rose her eyes to him and meet his burning gaze. He couldn't see from a distance, but her fingers curled tightly over the squared clutch hanging on her shoulder and the bubbly feeling on her stomach was converted into a soft smile. That he could see. And feel.

He recognised the waves of little jolts running from the tip of his finger, up his arm and spread through his core.

“How do you know it was mom's doing?” Scott asked his brother, stealing glances of her over the rim of his glass.

“The day I went to pick my invitations, I saw one with her name.”

“That was what you were arguing about?”

Charlie shrugged, downing the remains of his drink. His face instantly closed in disapproval and Danny grew aware of his heated reaction. He laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, pointing a meaningful look at him. Charlie could see it all unfolding before him and he wouldn't stay there to watch Scott falling into this mess all over again. He marched out, seeking his wife in the crowd for some comfort.

Scott was mostly oblivious to Charlie by choice and changed places, filling the space his brother had left between him and Danny, where he could get a better view of Tessa.

She was talking to Sara; it was possibly the first time he had seen her in anything other than jeans or leggings and she looked amazing.

The black dress braced her body with layers of sheer fabric and lace, falling around below her knee. The broad neckline created a sharp, straight line under her collarbone in contrast to her pale skin while the lacy sleeves still let her skinny shoulders bare to his eyes.

Tessa made an effort to not look back at him, but she felt it in her bones. Sometimes she disconnected herself from what Sara was saying and had to go back to the conversation. Maybe she should get herself another glass of wine and relax a bit.

"Hey you," A man stood beside Sara, snaking a hand around the waist of her deep red dress.

“Hi,” She tilted her chin up, and he kissed her cheek softly, "you showed up." Her voice changed a bit, Tessa noticed.

"I did, that girl Anna was available to watch John for a couple of hours.”

"Oh, she's good with him.” She smiled, and he dropped an arm around her shoulder, engulfing her into his massive figure. The crown of Sara's head touched the invisible line bordering his wide shoulders in the crispy gala uniform. "Tessa, this is Collin, John's dad. Collin, Tessa Virtue." She made the introductions, and they shook hands.

"A pleasure." He replied with a charming smile.

"Likewise."

He was quite handsome, and Tessa could see the little boy had a lot of him. The dimples when he smiled, the squared chin and the almond-shaped eyes.

"Can I steal her for a second, Tessa?"

Sara raised a brow at him, "what for?"

"We're going to dance." He replied casually, and Tessa was sure her presence was long forgotten when they looked at each other.

"No one is dancing, Collin." It was still early, and the music was just a background whisper under the loud murmuring of scattered talks.

"That never stopped us before. Besides, I have a curfew, the sitter can only stay until 10:30." He commented with a shrug.

She stopped for a second, considering. "See you later?" Sara directed at Tessa, and from the corner of her eyes, she saw Collin's crooked smile

“Sure,” Tessa nodded.

That was definitely an interesting picture to see.

Tessa made a beeline to the bar and asked a glass of red wine for herself. She had lost Scott in the crowd, but the initial contact was enough to agitate her feelings.

"We were finally finding some normalcy around here, and then Tessa had to come back to screw everything up again." She heard her name before she Charlie.

Nicole, his wife, gently clutched his upper arm as her short and serious whispers tried to placate his harsh words and Tessa felt bad for eavesdropping, but she couldn't find the strength to move her feet.

Nicole rose her head and meet Tessa's unreadable expression. "Hello, Tessa." She offered her a gentle smile.

"Hi, Nicole," Tessa said back, keeping the uncomfortable feeling of being caught away from her voice. "It's good to see you."

"You too."

Tessa heard Charlie huffing and looked up "Charlie." She nodded once.

Charlie raised his half-filled glass, his body exhaled sarcasm.

"Charlie, please," Nicole whispered with a heavy sigh.

Tessa knew when she was not welcome, and she was fine with his reaction. To be honest, she didn't foresee a parade with rose petals from anyone she left behind; Alma had been an exception to her expectations.

The time and opportunity would come to mend those other broken links.

"I'm not going to apologise for being here, Charlie. I'm working at the rink with your brother and Sara. This is my life now too."

"This has always been our lives, even when you decided you didn't want anymore and just vanished away, leaving us to pick the pieces of your mess."

"I'm sorry, Charlie, I really am. But I had my reasons to leave."

"Oh really? Did your reasons were more important than the life of the man who dedicated his blood to your partnership for 17 years? To you? Because I can tell you how many times I had to pick him at a bar after someone called me and told me he was after a fight or drinking himself into a stupor. Or how Dany and I got extra night shifts, afraid that if something happened to Scott, mom would figure out before either of us and she wouldn't survive it."

His older brother never went to Calgary when he had the opportunity to because he couldn't leave his family when he was needed. A single action had changed the life of his family drastically, not just Scott's.

"You have no idea-" He started again.

"That's enough, Charlie," Joe spoke up behind Tessa, stepping in the small circle, with Scott right after him. "It's not the place to have this conversation."

Tessa looked at Joe with wide eyes and he spared her a small smile.

"You all are going to pretend this is ok and she can waltz back into our lives as if nothing happened? For fuck's sake."

"I should go."

"No," Tessa heard Scott rough voice. "You stay here." And felt his fingers curling around her wrist. "If you have something to say, say to me Charlie, not to Tessa. The rest is only between her and me."

"Not when she fucked up our family."

"Charlie," Joe repeated and this time Charlie looked at his father. The stern look in his eyes was enough to shut his mouth. Charlie put his empty glass in the closest table with a loud bang, shaking the edge of the blue towel.

"Can we step outside for a second?" Scott kept his eyes on the back of Charlie's head until Nicole pulled him around a corner.

"I should really leave," Tessa murmured and he looked at her, paying attention to how she was trembling under the hand still in her wrist.  
He breathed heavily, trying to relax his shoulder. "Come," he said, softer.

Scott let go of her for a second to palm her lower back and lead her out into the dark outside, forgetting the presence of his father. Or the fact it was icing cold outside.

Under the dim streetlight, her immediate response was to brace herself when the cold air hits the thin fabric of her dress.

"Shit, I'm sorry. Here." He uncurled the tense fingers in a fist from his free hand and took his blazer out to drop over her shoulders.

"You'll freeze," but she snuggled into his scent.

"I can handle." The hot blood flowing under his skin would keep him warm enough to good for a couple of minutes, that was all he needed right now. "I'm sorry for Charlie, he had no right."

"It was bad, wasn't it?" Tessa said quietly,

"Yes." He replied sincerely. It was just a fact.

"Will I ever stop apologising to you?"

"The way I reacted and the extensions of my mistakes during these years, it was not your fault, that was entirely on me. I'm trying to focus on the fact you're here now.” He tucked his hands in the pockets of his trousers, not knowing what to do with them. “I'm glad you're here, Tessa. I need you to know that."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
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> I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this fic :) 
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> Twitter: claire_smh


	15. All comes down to us

She felt his lips over her face, kissing and nibbling her skin. He reached her mouth and drank from her sweet taste until she was a hot, quivering mess below him. She felt his hand running down her arm, weaving their fingers together to press their joined hands against the mattress.

His scent was everywhere, engulfing her senses and shutting down her thoughts.

The weight of his body covered her breasts, and she dug her fingers on his shoulders. Thrusting her hips up to meet his.

Tessa suck in all the air her lungs could take, trying to catch her breaths as opened her eyes all of sudden.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

She could feel the burn of his touch all of her skin but it was just a dream.

Tessa threw her legs over the edge of her bed and followed the path to her ensuite bathroom in the dark. She got in the shower and turned the water on; the pounding, cold water hit her face first and stung her skin at the first contact. But the surface of her body was in flames and the water sliding through her legs was warm when it hit the white tiled floor, draining her fantasies away.

Those dreams had been more recurring and it was all Scott's fault; that day he covered her shoulders with his blazer at the dinner had awaked a visceral memory of having him. And If that wasn't enough, his words whispered in the cold night warmed her heart.

 _I'm glad you're here now_.

Tessa yanked a hand down her face, desperate for some clarity when her trembling body claimed for attention. For a fraction of second, she visited her dreams again, and she was gone. The warm water could be his lips, her own hands should be his and the lust running over her body had only one face.

 

* * *

 

When Tessa pushed the back door open in the darkness of the early morning, still a bit of a mess from her wake up call, she told herself she just needed a moment alone in the ice, and then maybe a strenuous dancing routine to let some steam out and get back to her normal self before she had to meet Scott for their morning training.

But she quickly realised she was not alone; Tessa heard the music before she saw the young pair on the ice - or the mess they were.

She felt the eagerness on every short and unelaborated stroke of the girl's blades and how Greg was desperately trying to match her pace without ruining their tempo. They wanted to get to the spin quickly and just killed half of the program.

 _This is not good_ , Tessa thought to herself while she kept one eye on them and another on the skates as she tied her boots quickly.

"Again," Melanie demanded, her chest moving up and down frantically, trying to catch her breath. "This is wrong."

"Mel, calm down," He rationalised, touching the curve between her neck and her shoulder. Her pulse was hectic and she had to calm down and focus for a second.

He cradled her face between his two hands, feeling her damp skin under his fingertips. Melanie looked into his eyes and he ordered her "Breath."

She focussed on the rhythmic sound of his breathing and her hand moved up to rest over his heart. Her body got the message and her mind went with it.

"That's better," Greg said softly.

"We need to get this right, it's just this one move. We're so close now."

"I know, but maybe we should wait for Scott and Sara."

"Just one more time, I think I can do it know." She didn't wait for him to reply, Melanie tapped play to the song from the phone and the eight beats echoing in the empty rink were enough for her to get to the opening position of their free dance.

“What you two are doing here all by yourselves?” Tessa stepped on the ice, with her hands of her hips when the music echoed through the white walls.

The pair turned on their skates to face Tessa.

“Tessa, hi.” Greg greeted casually but he shuddered under her stern look.

“Isn't it too early for your practice?”

“We thought we could do some work on our own before you all showed up. Yesterday was a bit of a disaster.” Melanie said.

“It was just a bad day, you're doing great.”

“We know, but Scott is right about the spin, it's not working. I have to figure it out.”

Yes, she was on the ice when Scott got all frustrated and couldn't explain what he wanted. Tessa had an idea to make it work, and she told Sara afterwards because by the end of the session, they were all whirled up and it wasn't worth it.

She looked at the time in the huge clock on the opposite wall; they had at least half an hour until their scheduled time and by the fire in Melanie's eyes, Tessa doubt they would keep still, seated in a corner.

“Do you think you can handle me?” Tessa asked Greg.

“Do you skate?” Mel's eyes grew large.

"I think I can do it for a demonstration.” She gave an evasive answer.

She didn't skate, not a full program, since December of 2013. She couldn't do it without her partner.

Greg was a bit taller than Scott and bulkier. Mel was on the petite side, but Tessa had lost a good amount of the muscular mass in the past years. Her body was still very toned, but choreographing and dancing wasn't exactly an activity that demanded as much strength as ice dancing.

"Can you?" She asked again, firmer this time.

Greg held her by the tiny waist and rose her off her feet easily. He definitely could.

To Tessa, it felt beyond strange to have another man's hands on her waist, lifting her off the ice. Still, she trusted Greg and his skills, and they wouldn't do anything challenging.

 _You will be fine_ , Tessa told herself.

"Will you lend me your partner for a minute?"

"Of course!"

Tessa smiled lightly, disguising the anxiety running in her blood. She then turned to Greg and said: “Let's begin from after the first lift, ok? And into the spin." She always hated spins, but she would do that for them.

 

* * *

 

Scott was determined to change a couple of things to make this part of the program work for Melanie and Greg. He got into the rink with a plan set on his mind, ready to get on the ice himself.

He saw Mel first, and a shadow of Greg.

And Tessa.

The image was like a punch on his stomach, sucking the air of his lungs at once.

She was skating, and not just gliding over the ice.

The skilled dance moves matched Greg's pace just barely; her hand waved in the air graciously and though the only thing he could hear was the blades scratching the ice, Tessa had the tempo of the music perfectly right.

Her lips moved, giving Greg directions, saying things to Melanie, while her body executed the program he had created initially and she had perfected.

Somehow it was their creation.

Had he envisioned themselves doing it? Countless times. But not like that, not with another man holding her in the way only he was allowed to in his fucked up mind.

She was his partner.

He stood there, petrified, watching her breathing technique and elegance. And he forgot Greg for a second to focus on her as if a spotlight had made everything else dark around him and there was just Tessa. Suddenly he was the boy of 15 years old who would stay a bit longer to watch a young Tessa in her own world, skating whatever she felt like to - she always had a compelling way to move, it was the dancer in her. Or the 24-year-old Scott who was in love with his Carmen and could never take his eyes off her.

Time was dancing before his eyes, switching between memories and his imaginary projections, all of them involved Tessa. It was so easy to let go of reality and fantasise about those days, about them and what they had. About what they could have had.

He wanted to live in that fantasy.

She was the same, but there was a difference in the way she moved now and it forced him to look at her at the present, and not the past image he had of her. She continued to be a vision to him, made of flesh and bones.

But she had fallen; they had fallen in a deep abyss.

He saw the right moment when her body hit the ice in a dry thud. He questioned himself if it was a product of his mind or the reality. But before he could process the answer, his body darted to the ice.

“Tessa, are you ok?” Greg kneeled beside her and Melanie followed.

“Yeah, fine.” She chuckled, “guess I'm a bit out of shape. Help me up.” And he did.

She groaned when her left foot touched the ice and lost her balance for a second, but Scott was right behind her to catch her “what the hell happened?”

Tessa looked over her shoulder, surprised by his appearance and the unsteady hands grabbing her waist. “I–uh, I think I sprained my ankle. It's not bad,” she said quickly looking at his panicked face. When he moved his arm down to the back of her knees to pick her up, she shook her head, “it's fine.”

“The hell it is,” He snarled and made a second attempt.

“Don't, Scott, you're on your sneakers, you'll both fall.” Melanie reminded him.

_Shit shit shit._

“Get her, Greg. Now.”

Neither Greg nor Tessa questioned his tone, the young man lifted her off the ice promptly. Tessa let him, feeling beyond embarrassed for such a scene. As soon as they reached the dry floor, Scott snatched her out of his arms. He put her in the closest seat and dropped to his knees to undo her laces with frantic hands.

“Scott,” Tessa called his name repeatedly, but he had shut everything around him. “Scott,” she tried again and reached out to squeeze his hands. He looked up at her and what she saw made her breath get stuck in her throat. His eyes were glassy as if his body was just an empty shell even though the pain radiating from every pore of his skin hit her continuously; and it hurt more than any injury she had ever been through.

“I can do it, it's nothing, I swear.” The words scraped her throat, but she sounded sure enough to her ears.

He shook his head and went back to it, his fingers were more gentle when he finally took the worn boot off.

“Ouch.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, but not so bad, I've had worse.” She tried to joke and his face literally got white.

_Oh, wrong call._

The area around her ankle was lightly swollen and Scott turned to Greg who watching everything like an owl behind him, “get an ice pack from the fridge in my office.”

He threw the keys he kept in the back pocket of his jeans and Greg caught in the air. “On it," he said.

Tessa turned to Melanie who had a slightly terrified face, “Mel, can you do me a favour and get my bag? It's in the mirror room." She smiled softly, telling her everything was fine.

“Kay.”

They were left alone and Tessa laid a hand on Scott's shoulder, he didn't look at her, he was focussed on the boot laid on the floor next to his knee. “How did it happen? How do you even use in this skates?”

Tessa looked down at her overly used skates and the blades, probably not well sharpened.

The cracked surface was pitiful; they were white once, but not anymore. Of course he had noticed it before, but he trusted she knew what she was doing.

“They are perfectly fine for day to day work," she told him, maybe a little too protective about an old pair of skates. "I didn't intend to do the program. I don't do it.”

“Then why did you?”

“Because they were not getting anywhere and they were pushing so hard... they would end up getting hurt, badly.”

“Instead you did. Fuck, Tessa.”

“I know how it feels, I swear it's just a sprained ankle, it happened before. I just need to go home and put it up with lots of ice.”

Scott shot his head up. “Not a chance, you’re going to see a doctor.”

She was about to argue when she recognised the tone, the desperation in his eyes and the need to be sure she was okay.

“Right," she quickly gave in. "Ok, you're probably right. Just-" Tessa covered his hand on her scarred knee "I'm fine, I promise."

 _Please, believe me_ , she pleaded in silence.

 

* * *

 

“I sprained my ankle once, first degree, nothing serious,” she began as the warm hands of the woman in a white lab coat touched her foot carefully. She hissed a little when she pressed lightly on the swelling around her ankle. Dammit, it hurt.

“I was doing a choreography when it happened, about 2 years ago" Tessa clarified. "But I used to be a professional ice skater. I had two surgeries on my shins to treat compartment syndrome and 4 years ago I tore my ACL,” she recounted her in a monotonous tone.

Scott sat by her side, barely breathing, and she could only hear herself talking... what a crap medical history she had.

"This doesn't look like a fracture to me, or a tear. But we could run some test to discard these possibilities."

"Yes," Scott spoke for the first time since they left the rink. "Please."

The doctor looked at him and then back at Tessa. She nodded, "Let's do it."

She was used to those kinds of tests by now to a point it didn't even bother her anymore. Tessa knew the routine, the process, and she could even guess the results because she learned to read every sign of pain her body could produce. It was nothing serious this time, she knew real pain, and it wasn't it.

Tessa kept shooting worried looks at Scott, seeing him in a hollow state that creeped her out for the resemblance to the man who sat by her side about 5 years before. Life was such a cynical fellow, there she was on another December day, being poked around for an injury in the ice.

But this time was different, she was different.

He carried a burden on his shoulder, she noticed. And for the first time, she realised Scott was more emotionally wounded than she ever was.

 

* * *

 

Tessa let them in her flat, dropping the keys on the small table by the entrance. The sound of metal touching the wood echoed through the midday light entering her living room while Scott closed the door behind him.

She moved around, supporting herself with a crutch - she hated that thing, it made everything look worse than it actually was. The woman looked over her shoulder, and Scott stood still in the entrance, his figure occupied the entire opening. He didn't look around to his surroundings, it didn't matter, he just stood there, watching her.

"You should lie down and put this ankle up, doctors order," Scott spoke up, his face just as blank as his voice.

"Yes, I will. You should go back to the rink, maybe you can still train today?"

Scott raised an eyebrow at her, "I don't think I can, no."

Tessa tilted her face left in response, watching his face. She could barely believe they were in that situation again.

"I'm sorry for the scare, Scott." She let out a frustrated sigh,

The hard material of the crutch touching her elbow was uncomfortable as hell and she aimed her awkward walk to the couch. Scott watched her retrieving a cushion from behind her back to put over the low coffee table and propped her immobilised ankle on it. He wanted to do something, help her somehow, take away her pain.

"You heard the doctor, it's nothing that 15 days of rest won't heal." She told him trying to sound casual. 

He rubbed his face roughly attempting to make sense of everything. "I didn't even know if you could skate," he murmured his thoughts

"I can, technically." Tessa dropped her head over the edge of the backrest. She shut her eyes, pressing two fingers over her eyelids; her head was beginning to feel heavy due to the strong painkillers. "I got a second opinion, a third, and a fourth, and I'm physically capable of doing it - for fun, at least. But I never did since that day," she put the words together carefully.

"Why?"

"Because I can't do it alone, I'm not a single skater, or better, I was not a single skater."

When Tessa opened her eyes again, he was sitting on her coffee table, looking right into her. His legs barely fit in the small space between the couch and the table, but he didn't seem to care. His upper body was taller than hers, and their eyes were at the same level even though the couch had some inches on the coffee table.

"I don't get why you did it today. With Greg." He was bitter from seeing her skating with someone else, but he was tired of feeling anger, and masking his sadness with a temper.

"When I saw them so eager and being reckless, blinded because of their need to be better, to be perfect, I feared for them. They are so close now," Tessa whispered. Her words lost the power when in her mind, she heard a 'we' instead of they. "I project a lot on them sometimes. It's hard not too," she said at the end, pouring her heart out. She blamed the meds and the situation. But it was all an excuse to take that out of their way. "Apparently it made me reckless."

He recognised her need to help, her fear and the instinct to protect. Scott understood why she projected too, it was impossible not to. "Promise me you won't use those skates anymore, they are rank," he said, focussing on the practical part of the incident because he didn't trust himself with his feeling at that moment. "How long have you had them for?"

"It was the pair I was working on for Sochi." Tessa made an effort to not look down. "They were forgotten for a long time until I stepped on the ice again."

The silence took over since Scott had no reply to give. Tessa couldn't let go of her skates, the physical remains of their dream.

How could she sit in front of him and tell everything with the minimal pain punctuating her words, was something he couldn't understand because if he let that door opened, he had no idea of what could come out from the darkest place of his essence.

"Did you ever tried? With another partner?" She whispered, her eyes would stay closed longer each time she blinked. 

Scott still remembered her saying that she would help him find another partner so he could continue to live his dream, those memories made him actually sick. He shook his head. "I could never."

Tessa didn't reply, but she felt the tight grip around her heart lose a fraction of its strength. The image of him skating with someone else gave her many nightmares over the years. 

Before she knew, Scott was lifting her off the couch with ease, and Tessa took advantage of feeling his body so close to hers; a treat to her imagination. The soft mattress was not as comfortable as his arms, but she snuggled to her pillows. Tessa forced her eyes open and saw his figure crouching down to her eye level.

"Are you going to be ok on your own?" he asked softly. She looked so petite and vulnerable in her semi-sleep state.

"Yes, I promise. If anything happens, I'll call you," she mumbled, focussing on his eyes to keep herself from surrendering to sleep.

He nodded, but the worry never left his gaze.

"I'm okay, Scott," Tessa said from the bottom of the heart, touching the hand gripping her bedsheets.

"I know, I believe you are." _But I'm not,_ Scott admitted to himself. "Call me if you need anything," he repeated; his brain was useless by then.

"Yes," Tessa breathed, drifting off to sleep.

That time, Tessa dreamed about his lips skimming over her forehead as the reminiscent scent of his skin wrapped around her like a warm blanket. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had to go there, as I said replying to some comments, we are closer to the end now which means things are going to start coming together, finally. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the angst.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and sharing your thoughts with me as always!
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh


	16. Remedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, 
> 
> I know it's been a long time; personal life kept me away from writing for some time but I'm back to this fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this update, I think you've all been waiting for this.

The street lights passed through him, flashing vibrant colours to the side of his face until the red light fell over the dark, heavy contours around his eyes. He came to a stop and for a brief second, the ogling, mechanic look faded. The two hands held the wheel in a death grip.

Scott had been wandering for God knows how long. He didn't want to go to his house. Or to the skating club. The bar full of people didn't feel like a good place either. The noise in his head was already deafening and the persistent buzz in his ear hurt his head to a point he felt dizzy and sick.

The light turned green and he focussed on getting somewhere.

In the back of his mind, he knew where he was heading. His instincts guided him through the slippery roads in the middle of the snow until he saw the house in front of him.

He stepped out of his car, blinded by her face. The green lifeless eyes when her lips curled around the word "goodbye"; the smile splitting her face in half when she looked at him with their first - and only - Olympic gold medal around her neck; the tears slipping down her cheek the day she found out there was no other option than surgery for her.

And then her eyes again, the first time an "I love you" escaped his lips when they were skin to skin, bared to each other in every single way during the Carmen season.

She didn't say it back and they never talked about it.

He never told her he loved her again, not in that way at least; not with a raw openness that obliged him to leave his guards on the ground and give his heart to her.

Scott saw the car lights reflecting on the window glass before him, but he didn't turn around. The cold crept under his coat and the snow melted against the deep mass of hair and down under his collar. But he didn't move.

He heard the car door shutting just before the steps muffled by the thick snow penetrated the night silence filled by the insistent howling wind.

"I went to your house and you weren't there. I thought I'd find you here." He heard Sara's voice as the steps became louder.

He looked at her when the blonde woman stopped by his side. The hair stuck out of the grey beanie and the plaid scarf covered her chin, barely leaving her mouth free to speak.

"Is Tessa ok?

"Yes. She got a sprained ankle.”

"Ouch. That's annoying."

He didn't reply and Sara watched the fog coming out of her mouth as she breathed out from her mouth. "Come on, let's sit on the porch."

She tapped his shoulder and proceeded on, pushing the heavy iron gate with a loud whine. Sara sat on the first step, shielding herself from the falling snow. The only light to provide some clarity came from the high pole on the street and the neighbour properties.

Scott leaned off the hood of his car and took his time walking the pavement to the main entrance. The old hardwood floors crackled as he sat down next to Sara.

"Greg told me how it happened. Poor boy is feeling like shit."

Scott didn't reply promptly because the image of Tessa skating with Greg still bothered him.

"It wasn't his fault." He said at least. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

She nodded; Greg would listen to Scott. "Are you ok?" Sara asked.

"I hate this, I hate seeing her hurt, and the memories it brings back." The frustration made his voice thick and unsteady.

Sara brought one arm around his shoulder. He was so much broader than the length of her arm and she couldn't envelop all of him, but she hoped her presence was enough to show him some support. He stiffened under her touch for a moment before his shoulders could relax a little.

In the left corner, a house had Christmas decorations all over the front with twinkling lights and a Santa Claus on the roof. It reminded Sara of the Danny DeVito movie she was watching with her son the other day in which the two neighbours competed for the most festive house on the street.

She could imagine Scott engaging in these sort of stuff, he was competitive enough for it. Maybe one day he would be the kind of people who go on full Christmas mood decorating their houses. She'd love to see him in that role.

First, he needed to sort his life. And things with Tessa; either if he would have said house with her or not.

"Have you talked about how you feel at all?"

"We exchanged two sentences before she fell asleep when I took her home."

"You really talked?" Shocked, Sara turned her face to him, and he nodded. "I'm impressed. No joking."

"It was the moment."

"I hope you can keep talking all the way through your issues."

"I don't know how, or where to start."

"You already did, take this out of your way Scott."

"It's the only thing I can't seem to deal with," Scott said to himself.

"I wish you had gone after professional help when she left all those years ago."

He shrugged; everyone always said that, but he couldn't see a palm in front of him, let alone think rationally and ask for that kind of help at the time. Besides, the only thing that would cure the anguishing burn in his chest was having Tessa back, and no shrink could do that. Sometimes he thought about how he was the only one who could have made a difference, besides Tessa herself. And it still hurt to this day.

The self-pity had morphed into guilt and then anger towards her and himself. He stuck with anger because it was more comfortable; especially the one directed at someone that was not him. The only problem was that it was about Tessa; both the cause and the solution to all his pain.

He could look away to the emotional pain in her eyes, ignore it. But the physical pain had a different appeal, it was a trigger. He was no fool; Scott knew there were wounds that had no colour or physical shape and those also could make your lungs constrict and your heart collapse from agony.

He was not proud of the times he looked away from hers. Though selfishness had many explanations, no reason was good enough to truly justify its actions.

It's a matter of survival, he had told himself countless times until he believed in it. And it had worked.

Until now.

 _I've had worse_ , she had said. _It's nothing_.

“It's so cold, why don't we go to my house and have a hot drink or something,” Sara pulled him away from his thoughts. "John is there with Collin, you can play some video game.”

“Collin is there?”

“He is,” Sara spoke with no shadow of embarrassment, and Scott rose an eyebrow to her. She shrugged.

“Back to old flames?”

 _We both are, apparently_ , Sara thought to herself.

“We are spending some time together, to see how it goes, it's fun to be boyfriend and girlfriend again, and looks like we forgot we could be fun.”

“I'm happy for you.” Despite the exhausted tone, she knew he spoke from the heart.

“Thanks.” She smiled a little. Sara wished she could soften the creases in the centre of his forehead and give back the shine to his hazel eyes. But he was not her Collin, and she was not his Tessa.

They still shared a special bond though.

She rose to her feet and stuck a hand out.”Come on, I'll make you hot chocolate.”

“Do I look that bad?”

“Dude, trust me you don't wanna know,” she sighed impatiently. “Come on, it's freezing cold, Scott.”

He took her hand and stood up. Sara breathed easier, but he shook his head right after “Thanks for the offer, and the talk. But I need to be alone. I have to sort my thoughts and figure out how to tackle this.”

She was about to say it was not the night to make a game plan, he should leave it for tomorrow. But there was no point, in the end, he should do what his heart told him to do.

“Okay. The offer stands for indefinite time, just give me a call if you need anything.”

He nodded, “thanks again, Sara.”

“Anytime.” Sara hugged him lightly. “Are you going to be ok?” She asked at a low voice, more like a mumble against his coat.

“I will,” Scott answered, his voice was a little bland and his vision filled with Tessa's face again.

As the night became day, he saw it all becoming clearer; the words arranged itself in his mind and the thoughts became short, plausible tasks he needed to fulfil next.

He went to his house to take a shower and change his clothes before he went to the gym, he knew Greg would be there because they trained early in the morning before Mel had to go to her class when there were scheduled to have an afternoon session at the rink. Greg would stay longer, doing his own thing after Melanie had to leaves.

Scott found him lifting the weights; a load greater than what he should be doing. His muscles screamed, tensing every time it contracted harder to push it up and the cord of his earphones ran down his arm to the brace supporting his iPhone - he was probably hearing some heavy and loud music to match the dark mood of that morning.

When Greg did the last lift of his series and the metal bar hit the support, Scott walked to him. He trusted a bottle in front of his face and Greg looked up, surprised. "Drink it."

Greg got the bottle from his hands, and sat down in one single move. He gulped down half of the water.

The younger man took the earphones off and indeed, a loud, rumbustious rock screeched through the small speakers. "This music of yours will make you deaf one of these days," Scott grumbled.

Greg ignored the comment about his playlist and gave the bottle back to Scott, keeping the eye contact as minimum as possible.

Feeling very grumpy himself that morning, Scott breathed in and out deeply and tried to keep the mood light.

"You better not get yourself hurt lifting this much of weight this close to the nationals."

Greg huffed, but he knew Scott was right, he shouldn't be so reckless. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you."

His eyes grew large. "Did something happen? Is Tessa ok?"

"She's fine, the doctor said she'll be back to her normal activities in a couple of weeks."

"Look, Scott. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I don't know how it happened," Greg started rambling and Scott let him.

"It was not your fault. It was an accident and you did everything right, Tessa was not in shape to skate, that was it."

"I should have known."

"How could you? Tessa is your coach if she says she can skate you probably believe in her."

"But-"

"Greg, I had an awful night and my patience is really short. I'm going to say this once, and only once: don't blame yourself, it's not worth it. What you can do is give your best at today's practice and we are going to fix whatever is off you can win a fucking gold medal at the nationals, ok?"

"Ok."

He laid a hand on Greg's shoulder and said: "Come on, let's throw some punches, it's better than lifting weights.”

"Should I be worried about a broken nose or a black eye? I promise I'm not skating with Tessa ever again."

"You better not, she's my partner." He breathed a small, humourless chuckle. "You are safe, don't worry," Scott told him once he was standing on his feet.

As they walked to the adjoining room, Scott got his phone from the back pocket of his sweats and checked for new messages or calls. Normally, he would let his phone in the gym bag or the car, but he had promised Tessa she could call if she needed anything.

When there was no new notification, he opened the app and quickly typed a message:

_Good morning, Tessa. I hope you slept well. How are you feeling?_

 

* * *

 

The phone vibrated in the cushion by her side and she looked down with a small smile on her face reading the name "Scott Moir" on the screen. She typed a reply and put the phone down again.

Tessa was bunched up on her couch, her permanent spot lately, with a book on her lap. “All the light we cannot see” had been sitting on the pile of books she wanted to read and remained untouched for a long time because her mind was always elsewhere. Her life had been a very eventful narrative itself for the past months and it was the only story she could focus on. But things were better now.

Ironically, she looked down to the orthopaedic boot clutching her left ankle, knowing the extra days with the immobilised ankle was just a precaution.

But for the first time in years, she truly felt just fine.

It had been a week since she hurt herself. And since the morning after the accident, Scott would call or text her at random times of the day to ask how she was and if she needed something.

She had noticed the gradual shift in him, the softer way that his eyes looked at her, and even when he couldn't voice all the things he would like to say, his gestures spoke up, she longed for the day they would break the last wall between them.

In her head, this wall was made of a thick, soundproof glass; it was so clear that they could see each other perfectly, but no matter what, no words had sound. Yet.

 _Mom is here, she's cooking_ , she told him that morning as the rich smell of a homemade casserole flowed out of her open kitchen and into the living room.

 _Good. I'll see you later then,_ he had replied.

Kate walked to her daughter with two plates in hand. Tessa put a cushion over her lap and took the plate from her mother. “Thanks, mom.”

“You're welcome, dear.”

Kate sat across from her, setting the plate on her lap as well. Tessa wanted to say they should move to the table, but she knew her mom would dismiss her quickly.

The perfectly aligned and stylish white hair and the well-cut slacks matching with a cashmere sweater didn't do justice to the warmth she carried in her heart. Kate Virtue didn't mind if she ate with silver cutlery or a cheap fork bought on Walmart, as long she was surrounded by her kids, and they were happy, she was fine. Her mom was a giver and she would do anything for the happiness of her kids.

“This is delicious, mom. Thanks.” Tessa said after the first bite. “I don't know how I survived so much time without your cooking.”

“You've learned a couple of things over the years.”

“Yes, but I don't love cooking as you do, it's different when you do it just because you have to put food in your body.”

“True. I didn't like it when I was younger, but Kevin always had a sweet tooth, I've learned to make cookies to bribe him and Casey. You all like your sweets.”

Indeed, Tessa thought. She couldn't wait to dig into the chocolate torte leftover on her fridge.

She was being spoiled by her mother, not only because of her injury but because Kate finally could have her living close by again.

In four years, Tessa had learned to be ok on her own, and find some kind of happiness in the way she chose to live her life. But the thing was: she didn't want to be on her own anymore.

Going back to London, made her realise that she craved to step back into the role she played in these people's lives if they were willing to take her. It felt good to be around her family again, to be a daughter, a sister and an aunt; and everyone was learning the new boundaries of each relationship.  
Poppy was getting used to having aunt Tessa around to share her love for the ice and all things sparkling.

Kevin could finally talk about the last book he read about the string theory with someone who didn't give a boring look.

And Casey had his hockey partner to root for the Leafs.

Jordan still lived in Toronto, and their bond was different, less depending on the physical proximity, but knowing her sister was a short drive away gave Tessa a sense of security and made her heart a little warmer.

She was forever thankful for the family she had and how understanding they were, even when they didn't agree entirely with her decisions.

 

* * *

 

Tessa loved to watch Scott on full coach mode. In the good days, he looked so centred and convicted about what he was doing that maybe he was meant to be a coach more than an ice dancer himself. Maybe their career was a step to a greater goal, serving his giver soul as it fulfilled the deep need to create beauty merged with the flawless technique.

She could hear a few words he told Noah, the young boy performing with Hannah while Melanie and Greg were doing their own thing. Cara was on the ice too, with a handful of other skaters that were part of the Ilderton skating team, and so was Carol.

Tessa sat in the back, doing her best to remain unnoticed, she didn't want to spoil Scott's concentration or the skaters', and she was happy to just watch, enjoy the show.

“Hey, Tessa.” Then she turned her face around to meet Sara.

Dressed in a variation of her training clothes, she stood by the end of the row of seats with a cup of coffee on her hand.

“Morning, Sara.”

“How are you feeling?”

Tessa looked down to where her jeans ended, tuck under the gross boot she had to wear. “I'm okay, this thing is annoying, but I'll survive.”

“Good, I'm really glad it was just a little scare.”

“Thanks, Sara," she replied.

“Are you staying until the end of the session?”Tessa nodded. “Good, Mel wanted your opinion on her costume for the nats.”

“I can't wait to see how it came up.”

“It's beautiful, you'll like it.”

When Sara walked down the steps, Tessa’s eyes followed her until she stepped on the ice. Sara left the paper cup next to Scott’s and fixed the plaid scarf around her neck before she skated closer to Greg's frame. The boy had a fist resting on his hip as he listened to Scott with a frown between his eyes, absorbing every instruction his coach gave. He used his hands to speak too, drawing lines in the air. Soft, powerful and precise, Tessa understood. Melania and her partner bobbled their heads continuously until the last short nod when Scott said: “Understood?”

When the music started, Noah and Hannah stopped in one corner and gradually everyone else’s eyes turned to them. A deep sense of pride made Tessa’s chest puff out and a smile stick to her lips. The glide over the ice looked as effortless as Greg's strength to hold Melanie in every lift they executed to perfection.

Excellence, she corrected herself, because perfection was an unattainable goal.

A turn, a touch, a long sequence executed over one single blade and Greg’s eyes remained magnetised to his partner’s and vice versa, very soft. And Powerful.

The transitions were invisible but the gestures screamed. No move was wasted.

In time and synchronicity, they mirrored each other. Precisely.

“That was good,” Scott said.

His arms were firmly crossed over his chest, containing the excitement he felt watching that scene.

“Yes?” Melanie looked up at him, panting to catch her breathe, with expectant eyes and a victorious smile forming in her lips.

“Yes.”

“Yes!” She turned to Greg at the moment his arm pulled her by the waist and took her feet off of the ground. She pressed the side of her face to his chest and felt his heart tumbling below her ear.

His job was done and he felt truly great. Scott breathed a quick laugh and his eyes roamed around casually, he searched for her even when he didn’t know she was there. But he could trust his gut to find her anywhere if she was around.

She had a beautiful triumphant smile splitting her face in half, and he could bet her eyes shone impossibly bright.

“Take a quick break and then we’ll do it again,” Scott said without looking away from Tessa. He went to her, barely feeling his skates touching the ground. When she made a move to get up he put a hand out. “Don’t, stay where you are.”

Her hand dropped from the back of the seat in front of her to rest on her lap.

“Hi, Tessa,” he said her name in a different tone, pronouncing every phoneme. It felt important and produced a warm, fuzzy feeling in her belly.

“Hey,” she managed to say when his body took the seat right next to her. His upper arm brushed against her shoulder accidentally but he didn’t pull away promptly.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine. This thing is really annoying but I'll be able to take the boot off in two days, Thank god I won't be stepping into a new year all wonky."

"I can take you to the doctor if you want to."

Her mom would do it, but he wanted to help, to feel useful and take care of her, and she would let him if that was what he needed to ease his soul.

"If it's not going to mess your schedule..."

"I won't."

"Then, sure. Thanks, Scott," Tessa said. "And how are you?”

Both of them looked at Mel and Greg chatting in a corner when they heard a spontaneous laugh from the girl. Greg passed the bottle of isotonic to her, Mel tilted her head back, gulping from the bottle but her eyes never left his, Greg’s crooked smile was frozen on his lips.

“Good.” The simple yet heartfelt answer was enough, and it seemed to reflect the mood of the young pair a couple of meters away too.

Tessa looked at him “They are ready for the nationals, I think they can make it.”

He nodded, “I think so too.”

They didn’t say the word podium because neither wanted to jinx it, but it was a thought they shared.

When Melanie spotted Tessa, she ran up the steps as quickly as her skates allowed her. She started rambling right away, asking questions about her recovery and what she had thought about their presentation.

Greg was still shy in his look towards her, somehow still embarrassed because of the accident that resulted in her sprained ankle. Tessa had assured her too many times already that it was no one's fault and hopefully, he would get over it soon enough.

Scott left when they started talking clothing, fabrics and beadings, and Sara joined the little group, taking the vacant seat he had occupied. But his eyes would constantly look out for her figure for as long they were there.

He gave her a ride home at the end, and she invited him up, hoping he would accept the opportunity to continue the talk they had stated the other day.

That time, when Scott entered her flat, he took a good look around.

He saw her in the details; the clean, yet cheerful colour combination. He saw her books neatly organised in the back wall and the painting in the centre of the room. The Carmen painting. The bold statement it represented to him made him freeze on the hall as she wandered further into her flat, on her way to the kitchen.

"Do you want coffee or tea?" She asked him, making a huge effort to sound casual. She kept her hands busy, opening cabinets over her head without really knowing what she was looking for.

"Coffee is fine," his voice sounded dull, and Tessa turned her head around, intrigued.

Her eyes followed his, and fell on the painting.

"Oh. Yeah, I took some things out of the storage. This always had been my favourite artwork"

He didn't know if he meant their program or the painting. Probably both.

"The Carmen Era."

"Yes, the Carmen Era."

Scott looked at her, but she couldn't read his eyes. When he walked to her, Tessa just watched; he circled around the counter dividing the kitchen from the living room and pulled a chair. "Why don't you sit and put your feet up. I can make the coffee if you want to."

Coffee wasn't really a good idea, she was anxious enough and the hype from the expectation building up in her core probably already made her heart beat way faster than it should.

"I'm good, thanks, I'll drink water, or tea later."

Scott nodded. "And I've had enough coffee for one day."

He pulled another chair away from the rectangular table, enough so he could take a sit looking straight into her. The wooden chair made a little crack sound to his weight and, his elbow scrapped the handle of one of the drawers below the sink when he rubbed the palm of his hands over his jeans.

He was a large man and her kitchen felt really small with him there. But a good small, something cosy and warm.

Scott looked down and said: "You shouldn't keep your foot down."

She opened her mouth to argue, but Tessa felt his hand raising her leg carefully to rest the back of it on his tight. He looked at her as he asked permission to touch her

"Thanks," Tessa said quietly.

His hand laid on her knee with the lightest touch, as if she could break at the smallest contact.

"I hate seeing you hurt, I hated then and I hate it now just as much, Tessa," his words carried his bruised heart out of his chest. "I wished I could take away your pain. I wished that it was with me, that you didn't have to go through it."

Tessa covered his hand with hers and he looked at her, the creases between his forehead were so deep, it looked painful.

She enveloped his large, touching him as she had craved for such a long time. She closed her eyes and a shuddered breath escaped her lungs.

When her eyes opened again, the green iris shone with unshed tears; a bittersweet feeling embraced her, born from those sad memories and the current moment gifting them with a long needed resolution.

"Your support and your strength gave me life, Scott; always did," Tessa started, smoothly. "Sometimes it was so much more than I deserved. I was so unfair to you in so many ways. I felt guilty for not being strong enough to you, for not being able to give it back. And when I lost it, I just felt a burden too heavy even to myself."

Her voice had lost power gradually until it became a wave of a distant memory. She sighed deeply and her shoulders fell forward just a little. Tessa still remembered how painful it was to carry those feelings around.  

 

"You were never a burden," Scott's voice brought her back. He sounded like he had thought about that phrase for a long, long time. "I wish you didn't feel like you had to figure it all out on your own. The most difficult part of everything was knowing you had kept things from me and when we talked, you had it all figured out. I'd skate with someone else to make my dream come true. But it didn't make sense without you Tessa, it never made sense without you."

The sting of tears burned up her nose; her breath became more painful trying to hold back those heavy emotions. 

"This's my biggest regret, Scott. It took me a couple of years of therapy to make it easier to deal with it. I didn't want to let you down. I was terrified of taking away from you something that meant the world to you."

"You?"

One word, a very simple and almost insignificant therm made her eyes bigger and her mouth opened, but no nothing came out.

"Why are you so surprised, Tessa? After all this time, you still didn't realise that I had only two loves in my life, skating and you. And skating was nothing without you. it was a Tessa and Scott thing. Virtue and Moir."

Scott was still, his free hand limped around his knee, and his shoulders barely moved. His body was asleep, giving away all the strength to the complex link between his heart and his mind. He didn't think about his words, they would come out openly every time he opened his mouth; the even, monotonous tone was a consequence of living with those thoughts for years until the exact moment when they were ready to find their way out.

"I knew your time and your heartbeat."

And sometimes, if he closed his eyes at night, he would still feel the rhythmic thud against his chest.

"I moulded myself to fit you. The same way you did to me."

Tessa watched in silence as his eyes became glazy when he continued.

"Do you remember when I told Greg in Croatia that a medal didn't matter if it wasn't for the right reasons and because you were able to do it with the right person?" She nodded. "I could never go to Pyeongchang with someone else. I didn't want to. If it was over for you, it was over for me too, that's why I was desperate. I didn't know how to be something other than an ice skater and even when I thought about retiring from competition, I saw us skating for so many years ahead… I never thought past our skating career. I never thought about a time when there wouldn't be a 'we'."

"I- I wish you had told me this then."

He focussed on her again and turned his hand up bellow hers. 

"I tried to, but I guess it all happened so fast. And I was so hurt after you left, which soon became anger. I wasn't in a good place of mind. I'm sorry for not trying harder, Tessa."

His fingers slipped between hers one by one, her palm came to rest against his. The fingertips running softly over the back of her hand tingled her skin and it made Tessa breathe a laugh.

He frowned at her and she shook her hand. The overwhelming emotions ran freely from the inner corner of her eyes now.

“We still fit.”

“We do,” he said.

It was like his world had found a comfortable pace again, centred around the connection they still could ignite.

“I'm sorry you had to get hurt again for me to find the courage to talk.”

“It's ok, it's just superficial this time.” Tessa cupped his jawline with the other hand.

"Thank you for helping us here. if I felt today that they are really ready, it's because you got in the picture and pushed your way through, despite how I treated you. I want you here, I want you to take your place as my partner, Tessa. You will always be the only one who can fill in this spot. It's yours if you still want it."

"That's everything I want, Scott."

"Good."

"I'll be back to my feet and in the ice in no time."

Scott shook his head. "Take your time, don't rush anything. When the doctor clear you out and you feel good enough to be back, we'll be waiting for you.”

Gone were the shadows in his eyes and the pain in his voice. His Chest felt lighter, and it was easier to breathe too. It felt good, so damn good.

It was only a step towards some closure and a possible new chapter of their story. But for Scott, it felt like he had waited a lifetime to feel like that again; to see her eyes smiling at him and her small hand melted against his. Tessa was there, body and soul - and heart.

And he was there too, entirely.

Scott moved their joined hands up to his lips and brushed a kiss on the back of her hand.

“Welcome back, Tessa.” She heard him saying and those words felt like air to her. Tessa smiled widely at him.

“Thank you, it's good to be back,” she finally said, feeling her words thoroughly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your support through the process of sharing this fic. Please, let me know what you think about their talk, I hope I didn't disappoint you with that lol 
> 
> Now that /most/ of the heavier issue is done, we can move on to romance. finally. 
> 
> There are still 14 chapters after this one, and I promise to whoever is still reading it, you'll get all of them :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Twitter: claire_smh


	17. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, i know it has been quite some time since the last update, and as this one takes place right after the last chapter it might be good to take a look at the last paragraphs? In any case, last chapter we ended with Tessa and Scott having their talk and becoming 'partners' again.

He had stepped out from the children chaos inside his aunt's living room for a moment. Scott loved those kids with all his heart, but they were especially loud this time of the year with their new toys and the competition of who could scream louder and get more attention, which would cause the babies to wail in discontent. 

There was always a new baby each Christmas since his first cousin got married. And every year, they looked at him with sympathetic smiles when he was around the kids. 

"You are so good with her, Scott," Sheri said last year when he held baby Mac. 

He hated the condescending tone, and the times they said they had a friend to introduce to him. And though he recognised their love and their best interest in his happiness, he wasn't ready.

Scott got his phone from his pocket absently and read the message he'd received on Christmas once more.

_Merry Christmas, Scott x_

It was so simple, yet so meaningful.

They had come such a long way in 5 months, and still, there was so much more.

_Merry Christmas, Tessa. I hope you have a good day with your family._

For the first time since even before Tessa got hurt, he felt like they were in the same path; equals, learning to navigate things as it came. They had common goals and they were working side by side to accomplish them. For now, that was more than enough. 

There was this other part, more complex and delicate than being colleagues and assessing their well-known ability to work together as a team on the ice. 

The way their lives were still thoroughly bonded didn't surprise anyone. 

Scott looked at his hand and saw hers in the middle, cradled under his long fingers. He felt the warmth of her palm against his and the strength of such hold. 

He had lifted her up so many times supporting all of her with that link of fingers, not only on the ice. And when they failed to hold onto each other, when they built walls around instead of holding hands, they parted. 

Scott balled his hand in a strong fist and tucked in one pocket and his phone on the other. He was not willing to lose this second chance; if there was still something beyond their partnership there, he wanted to see where it would take them.

He looked back, through the glass door leading to the kitchen and saw Charlie walking in his direction. 

They had been walking around each other for the past few weeks and Scott's pride and somehow protectiveness over Tessa didn't let him talk things through with him. 

He sighed; the new breath of air made his shoulders drop with his guards. 

It was his brother, and he had a handful of motives to act like he did that night when he saw Tessa. 

Scott looked back at the patio and the grass covered in a thick layer of Snow. He waited no more than a few seconds to feel the presence of a body equally tall and broad as his. 

"Lunch is almost ready," Charlie said, 

He looked at his brother. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll go back in a second."

They set their eyes ahead, watching the wind carry the naked arms of the tree in the far corner. 

"Mom told me what happened to Tessa. Is she ok?"

"Yeah, she had a doctor appointment and she's finally good to go back to her activities."

"Good. I'm glad it was nothing serious," he spoke truthfully. 

"Me too."

Charlie looked down to the bottle of beer in his hand before he took a large gulp. "Do you want some?" He offered by habit. 

Scott shook his head. "Thanks, I'm good."

"You didn't drink today."

"No, not in the mood. I'm asking permission for the kids to share their juice over lunch."

Charlie smiled under his breath, thoughtful. He turned his body to lean his shoulder on the closest pillar and looked at his younger brother. "You are better with her here."

It was not a question, it was simply a fact.

"Now, yes, I am," Scott answered. "I needed some closure. And her return has given me that."

"So, it's over now? All the pain, the anger and the resentment?"

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to say it's completely erased from me, but she's here. And it feels good to have her back. Better."

"Does it feels like before? Like when you were partners?" He was trying to understand, to get a picture of what was happening in his brother's mind —and in his heart, so maybe he could forgive Tessa himself. And Scott.

"No," his voice sounded thick with questions still unanswered. "We are both very different now. And yet, there's something that resembles ourselves from four years ago."

It's love, Charlie thought. Not necessarily romantic love, but it was love nonetheless. But it was too early to draw any conclusions, and for now, he would stick with the fierce gleam he saw back into his brother's eyes.

"I'm sorry for lashing onto both of you that day, it was not the place. And the things I said..."

"It's ok" Scott interrupted him. He rubbed his jaw roughly, organising his words. "Look, I'm not proud of the things I've done and what I made you guys go through, and I can only apologise and tell you I've learned my lesson. I hope to earn your trust back one day. It's important to me."

Charlie didn't reply promptly. He moved away from the pillar and got closer to Scott. A large hand gripped his shoulder with affection. “You're my brother, Scott. We'll be fine.”

 

* * *

 

In Tessa's opinion, time had a very strange an unfair way to show itself; how quickly it would go by when she wanted to grasp every single second… And how heavy it felt when she wanted to run away from it as fast as possible.

Her memories, at least, never failed her. And she would revisit them all many times.

From her first Christmas back home, Tessa would remember her niece's smile when she opened the pink package. She would feel her hug, so generous and giving with the aunt that suddenly wasn't just a picture through the computer screen anymore.

She would remember typing Scott a message, saying "Merry Christmas" and getting one back. The butterflies on her stomach were like old friends she recently reacquainted.

The same haze carried her through the following days when Scott was by her side on her last checkup.

Instead of the unbearable heavy combination of self-inflicted and external pressure she once felt, Tessa was touched by pure understanding.

" _Take your time to go back to your activities, don't push yourself too hard."_ The doctor had said and Scott nodded vaguely.

Such a small gesture, with massive importance.

Yet, as soon as she could, she went back to the rink, leaning over the borders to watch the practice as close as she could. It was the last one before the New Year, and she wanted to be there for them all.

And for herself.

She belonged in there, and nothing made her feel more joy than to slip into that place again, being part of a team and being Scott's partner.

The first thing she would do once she put her skates on again was choosing a piece of music to put some moves in use. There was a whole program drawn in her head and maybe Melanie and Greg could use it at Worlds' gala. That year, she trusted in her heart that they would be on the top of that podium.

For now, she focussed on the man caring the two cups of coffee in her direction. It was one of those images that she was sure she would want to keep very vivid in the memory.

"Here," he passed the paper cup to her and sat his on the small counter to add a good amount of sugar.

"Thank you," Tessa replied.

From the corner of his eyes, Scott saw her casually leaning against the closest wall and taking a sip right away.

"You like black coffee now.” He commented.

Tessa nodded, "I do. I learned to like it when I-,” she trailed off.

"When you lived in Paris,” Scott completed for her, looking down. He took his time stirring the coffee before he put the lid back on.

"Yes," She tilted her head left, intrigued.

His tone was pretty even and didn't carry the usual snark in which he referred to her time away.

Scott looked around and most of the tables at the small café were occupied. It was after midday, some people were having a sandwich for a late lunch like they would do, and others just enjoyed a coffee in the comfort of the heated environment.

When they sat down at a table for two, silence fell over them for a moment.

A boy typed loudly in his laptop right behind Scott, letting the crumbles of his sandwich fall on his keyboard when he stopped to take a bite. A little girl dressed in a red coat skipped past their table holding her mother’s hand after a rush of sugar provided by a generous piece of brownie. And a couple exchanged soft touches at the privileged table by the large window while Scott and Tessa held each other’s gaze, waiting for a cue or a signal to act.

To Scott, It felt like he was staring at a blank new page. Their talk hasn’t done, there was still so much to go through before the next step and time, it had to be right. He might not get a third chance with her.

“I want you to tell me, Tessa… about your time away,” he started

“You do?” she didn’t hide the shock in her eyes or in her voice.

He leaned back into his chair and twirled around the cup between his thumb and forefinger. He kept his chin down and moved his eyes up, focussing on her beautiful face. She wore green under her pale coat and it never failed to make her eyes look brighter and bigger.

“I thought that ignoring this would be the best decision, but I have too many questions. I want to know, Tessa.” Scott’s voice faded and he cleaned his throat to finish. “I’m not saying it’s easy for me, but I want to know.”

“Are you sure?” She asked.

He nodded. “You know what it was like for me, it’s only fair I get to know your side of the story.”

She took another sip of coffee, the drink scratched all the way down, but it helped to regain her ability to speak.

“What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you’re willing to tell me, Tessa.”

She could tell him everything from the moment she stepped into the airport in London to the decision of coming back, but it was too much, they would be there for days.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed a chuckle. “I was not expecting this, Scott.”

“It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me about it.”

Tessa shook her head quickly.

“No, it’s fine.” She paused and rose her coffee a couple of inches from the table between them. “I learned to like black coffee because of the smell of it. And the rush of pure caffeine. I used to sit in this cafe close to my flat every time I had a session with my therapist. We Skyped every Tuesday afternoon and then I always felt the need to get out and walk around until I ended up at this tiny cafe a couple of blocks from my flat. I think it was my way to digest everything.”

“I thought you stayed with Flore.”

“Only for two weeks,” she explained. “I really needed to be alone and have my own space. She had a friend who rented this place for foreigner students and it was vacant. It was pretty nice,” she smiled a little. That small studio had become her home for the time she lived there and she had really good memories in there. “It was close to a metro station but far enough from all the touristic buzz.”

“How did you start with dance again?” Scott asked softly.

“In one of those Tuesdays,” she kept her eyes on him. “I’ve had a particularly difficult session and wandered farther from home and I heard a piece of Mahler sliding through a window.It was like a big, strong punch in the stomach because I was missing it all so much, and still I could make myself go back.For some reason, I was drawn to the song instead of running away, and that’s how I met Rene, that was her studio. She had been a ballerina for 15 years at the Paris Opera Ballet, but she chose to step away from it and create a more creative and contemporary environment for dancers. I started to spend my afternoons there. I did some beginners workshops and it felt so good to be moving again, I remembered why I loved it as a kid and I knew if it wasn't for you, I'd have been a ballerina.” And she was learning what was like to not have him anymore at the time. “Rediscovering this passion literary made me keep moving.”

He could say that he was happy that she found something to hold on, and in part he was, but there was still a great portion that resented all the things that kept her away from him.

Scott listened and asked a question when he thought he could. She answered and helped him to form a picture of the years they have been separated. She chose to leave the part in which she had met Luc in a Christmas party at Rene’s house that first year when she didn’t come back home for the holidays like she was supposed to.

They had bonded simply for the fact he was Canadian and she liked the idea of having a friend who could remind her of home. But it took more than a year to open herself to the idea of dating him, despite his discreet but noticeable moves. She also didn’t tell Scott that he was the one who convinced her to come back to Canada about two years ago,

Maybe Tessa would never tell him that part, but she really believed everything and everyone involved in their lives played a key role to them finding a way back to each other.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for asking, Scott.” She covered his hands with hers, and he didn’t flinch from her touch, on the contrary, he longed more and more to feel her bare hands on him.

Once they were back into his car, Tessa bucked up her seat belt and he waited for her, there was a thought pushing its way through the rational barriers imposed by his brain and he found himself saying the words before he even registered them.

“Do you mind if we make this quick stop on our way to the rink?”

Tessa shook her head. “Not at all.”

He took a turn where he normally would go forward and Tessa watched the path carefully to try to guess where they were heading.

That neighbourhood was familiar to her, but not enough that she could tell why.

He killed the engine in front of an old house. It rose from the ground in acombination of shapes and planes pieced together over time. The colours on the front face over the rusty garage door didn't match with the main store. It was painted white once before time-stained the walls with an old-looking, dirty colour.

“I only need to drop a couple of things inside, and we'll be gone in a minute.”

“No problem,” she said, unable to tear her eyes from the house. “Who lives here?”

“It's empty,” he said.

Scott got out of the car and walked to the back to open the trunk door. Tessa turned around in her seat to watch his moves. When she couldn't see much, she opened her door and got out.

“Do you need help?”

Scott lifted a big, brown box from the messy myriad of construction tools.

“Don't worry I got it." He jerked his chin up, pointing to the door. “Can you close it, please?”

Tessa complied and followed his steps to the front door. She almost forgot to look where she was stepping, too intrigued to care about her on recovery ankle.

His large hands gripped the underside of the box on the lower edges, and she could see the veins tensed from the strength he was using even though he made it look so easy.

“The keys are in the back pocket of my jeans,” Scott told her casually and she fish the keychain dropping from his back pocket.“It's the biggest one, the yellow.”

When it slid not so smoothly on the keyhole, he instructed her, “you have to pull it a little.”

As he said, one single turn and the door creaked open for them.

Scott moved forward to place the box carefully on a corner.

“I'm going to get some other stuff,” he gestured with his thumb.

“I'll wait here,” Tessa replied.

There was no light indoor, but the windows were big enough to illuminate the wide front room.

The wallpaper peeling off from the corners where he had sat the box was a faded green colour with tiny pink flowers on it. Dust glittered against the oblique light creating a rectangular shape on the dark carpet and the whine of the wood floors below her feet filled the air as walked further into the room, passing the arch separating what looked like a living room a dining room.

But she didn’t stop there, there was a kitchen next. The cabinets were old fashioned, made of light wood and most of the doors were hanging by a single hinge.

“Tessa?” Scott called her.

“In here.”

She turned around and Scott met her.

“I'm done, we can go.”

"Ok." But her feet didn't move. “Whose house is this?”

His eyes held hers for a moment, he stepped forward, brushing a finger over the years-old layer of dust over the counter. Scott brushed his hand on the side of his jeans and hooked a thumb where he should be using a belt.

“It's mine,” he answered.

“Yours?”

He nodded. “It became mine officially in July. A couple of weeks before you came back. I planned to refurbish it, but then… things happened.”

Yes, she happened. Tessa thought.

"What about your house?"

He shrugged. “I always had an eye for this house. I knew the man who lived here, he was friends with my grandpa. His daughter never wanted to sell it after he passed away a couple of years ago, but she knew I wanted it so this year, when she decided it was time, she gave me the priority.”

He looked around; that house was like a new beginning, the fresh start he had rehashed for himself for years after she went away. His gaze set back on her, full of amusement and surprise all over her face. She had shown up and made him change his plans once more. Scott's lips curved up the slightest. Raising a finger to gesture in circles, he asked her: “Do you want to take look around?”

“Can we?”

“Sure, just... be careful where you step on, the floors need a lot of work."

She took another look as they passed through the two main rooms once more. There was a fireplace sitting in a corner;and by the light of the front window, she saw that what she thought was a brown carpet was, in fact, a very dirty green.

"Are you going to get rid of this carpet?"

"Yes." He crouched to one corner of the entrance and peeled the carpet off a couple of inches. "This entire house has this awesome wood floor. It just needs some care."

"It's going to be beautiful."

"Yeah, I believe so." He rose again, leaving that corner uncovered; it would be amazing to tear those hideous carpets off once he fully started to work there. "Let's go upstairs."

He slid a hand to the small of her back and Tessa felt his touch even over the thick coat. The air was freezing cold there and it made her lean in closer to his body, an almost imperceptible amount. It was the kind of move that happened out of habit and comfort. His response was to slide his hand further; the tips of his fingers hang on the edge where her hip met her waist and curled around weakly.

She climbed the stairs one step ahead of him, and he only let go over her when they were at the top. He guided her to each of the rooms, watching her looking around in amusement. Maybe in her head, she could see real rooms in there as he did.

"The attic is pretty decent too, maybe I can think about something to do with it. I'll have to show you some other day, it's pretty dark in there, even during the day."

Was this an open invitation to her or she was imagining things?

"Another day then."

He nodded.

"It's a really nice place you have here," she said as they entered the master bedroom.

"Thanks. I like it too."

Ironically, she was the only one who didn't say he was crazy to spend money in a house that was falling into pieces.

"When the competition season is over, I plan to spend some good time in here."

“I'm sure you'll do a great job."

The sunlight casting from the large window showered her with warmth. From the top, she could have a better view of the backyard. There was so much space there! Her hand rose to rest over the glass; his family would find many ways to fill that house with joy, there would be Canada day barbecue in the backyard and plenty of space for the kids to run around. If the future was generous enough with her, maybe she would be a part of those celebrations too.

He wished he had the ability to capture the image of her at that moment. Whatever she saw, made her lips twitch in a charming, peaceful smile. And it made himself smile too. To see her well, both physically and emotionally, had a deep effect on him. It made him forget where they were to focus on the woman before him.

It was like seeing her for the first time after those years apart, but without the hurt and anger that eventually fell over the image of her. She fitted well in that picture; in that room, under the light that would warm that bedroom in the winter.

Scott had brought her there, consciously or not, she was at the place he planned to turn into his home someday.

"Sorry, I think I lost track of time. Do you want to go?" Tessa parted her eyes from the window and her smile faded. What she saw when he looked in his eyes made her heart stop.

His long, strong fingers curled around the silver of naked skin on her wrist.

"Tessa," Scott uttered.

His warm tone cut through the stiffening, cold air and she let go of a breath she had been holding. A small pull and her body moved around towards him as one and two steps led him closer until the tip of his sneakers tapped on hers.

Scott let go of her hand and a part of her fell with her limping fingers just to be brought back together when his palm slid up her arm. She wished there weren't those layers of clothing between them so she could really feel him and not just the idea of his touch, even though that was enough to make her heart race violently.

Perhaps the sprint of her heart was not caused by his touch, but how he held her gaze when she was forced to look up to see his face entirely. They were so close now.

His knuckles brushed on a strand of her hair, loosely sitting over her chest. "Your hair has grown so much since you got here." He twisted the ends around this forefinger and his middle finger, looking down to the dark wave.

She nodded, unsure if she should say something and scare away the mood crawling around them; shielding them from time and space.

What are you going to do?

Her eyes asked the questions his own mind produced.

I don't know. He wanted to say back but his lips felt sealed together.

Scott gulped once.

"You've changed a lot over the years,” he began again. “Yet, when I saw your face again after all this time, it felt like we were still in 2014; I had just woken up from a bad dream and you were there to skate with me like we always did.”

The side of his thumb traced her jawline and the small studs she wore glittered when his fingers brushed lightly on her earlobes to circle her neck, under her dense mass of dark hair.

“Now I know, the extension of how much time changed you. And I. But there's one thing that remains the same,” his voice was a low rumble and his eyes focussed on her lips. ”Every time I see you, I want to kiss those lips of yours.”

His nose brushed against hers, sliding over her cheek.

“I want to know if your taste is still the same,” he murmured over her skin and his lips trailed back to her mouth before she spoke again. “I want to know if the feeling is still there.”

She closed her eyes for a second, then two seconds. He continued to run his thumb over that spot where her jaw met her ears, and leaned back a little, enough to see her breath become a visible rise and fall of her chest while her lips curve up in a soft smile.

When she looked at him again, a fire had lit the copper freckles in her iris and urge made her grip his sweater with both hands on his chest.

“Kiss me, Scott.” His name came out thick with need, sending a jolt of electricity through his body.

If there was any residual control in him, it vanished.

She tilted her chin up and he closed his mouth around hers in synchronised moves, sliding his tongue between awaiting lips.

When the sweet heat engulfed him, he knew there was no turning back.

Her urge became his, what was supposed to be a soft kiss became hungry and needy; his hands gripped her waist with no space between them.

Tangled lips moved against each other,and they were back to 2014, seeking desperately each other. They were teenagers again, pining each other’s body, detecting the changes in the new, softer shapes. They were their past until it became too much to process and there was no past or future, just present.

They were just Tessa and Scott.

The familiarity was there; her smell and her touch were imprinted in his mind and in his body. A lifetime of contained feelings filled his veins like oil over water causing a momentary pane in his system. But it only lasted a fraction of second before his blood would start flowing again, pounding in his veins from a hectic heart.

Tessa nuzzled his cheek with a tight smile on her lips; if she was dreaming, she hoped to be asleep forever.

"We can't ignore it, can we?" she murmured against his neck, dizzy by his perfume and the familiar feeling of his hands on her waist.

"No,” he managed in the same trembling voice.

His heart rate was finally coming back to normal. But nothing was normal after her.Scott kissed the hollow on her temple and brushed her hair out of the way to access her neck.

“I don’t want to ignore it, Tess,” he spoke against the pulsing vein of her heart, placing a kiss there.

“This time, there’s no turning back,” Tessa promised him

They still stood by the window as the golden hour outlined their frames, holding each other in a hug made to set their heartbeats at the same _tempo_ to the journey of a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you've enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry for taking so long to update, but thank you so much for the ones who continue to read this fic and leave your comments and support, it means the world to me! 
> 
> Twitter :claire_smh


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